March 31, 2006

It's like Brad and Jen all over again...: Each generation has its cultural touchstones, those moments when everyone remembers where they were, at that specific moment, from that second until the day that they die. Late at night, at a dinner party or social function, someone will mention the event, and the party will hush, and recollections will be shared with whispers, as quiet as possible, so as not to upset the delicate nature of such sacred memories. This is one of those moments: According to her publicist, Anna Benson has filed for divorce from her husband, Baltimore Orioles pitcher Kris Benson. She says the marriage is "irrevocably broken." You were there. Let's all share this moment. Let us never forget. Only with time will these wounds heal.

posted by Marla Singer to baseball at 04:21 AM - 36 comments

Cultural milestsones? We are talking about a marriage fail. The only reason people are going to talk about this is for humerous outcomes. I am saddened whenever a marriage fails. Other than that, I could care less about the entire subject and the large amount of stupid jokes that we are about to be subjected to.

posted by daddisamm at 07:11 AM on March 31, 2006

The only reason I'm responding to this is because Brad Pitt's a jackass, Anna Benson is pretty hot (but not newsworthy) and Kris Benson is an average, at best, pitcher. I really don't want to hear anything more about any of them. The title of this post game me a chance to call Brad a jackass, though.

posted by dyams at 07:15 AM on March 31, 2006

My only complaint about the end of this relationship is that it didn't involve a fatal car crash.

posted by yerfatma at 07:21 AM on March 31, 2006

That's funny because it looks like he didn't see it coming. Yesterday I read this article. The highlights of which are that he was traded because the team couldn't handle the publicity his wife was getting and a spirited defense of her.

posted by bperk at 07:39 AM on March 31, 2006

bperk- from that article I would guess he hasn't been served papers yet. It is almost as though he has no idea what is about to happen. Although, when he said it is better for him to be in Baltimore and her to be in NYC...? Still he did defend her very strongly.

posted by chuck'n'duck at 08:23 AM on March 31, 2006

well thankfully that will now be the last we hear of Anna Benson. Kris Benson was her crutch to which she gained fame/noteriety and without him she goes back to being just another average stripper, of which there are at least 10 better looking at any strip club you go nowdays.

posted by bdaddy at 08:38 AM on March 31, 2006

Anna Benson on being a stripper in her youth: "I've always been a headstrong girl. I had my first child at 17, and it was a mistake, but I got a beautiful child out of it. Things are different down south. A lot of girls get pregnant and married young, and I did that. And if I had to go out and dance, I would do it tomorrow if I had to. I'll do whatever I have to do to feed my kids. I don't give a (expletive). I don't care what anyone else thinks. I didn't want to do it, but I'm a tough broad because of it. Not a lot of people mess with me. I'm rough and tumble. When I was younger, I would brawl." The only reason anyone knows she was a stripper is because she talks about it. I like her for that outspokenness. The things she'll tell reporters -- most of which are clearly jokes -- are hilarious. Last year, she related this conversation to her husband about winning the Cy Young: "If you win you can do anything to me. That's at least 50 times up the ass for real." Has there ever been an athlete's spouse like her? The sports world's a poorer place without Anna Benson in the headlines.

posted by rcade at 09:13 AM on March 31, 2006

That's funny. SI just named her one of the 20 People to watch in baseball this year. Apparently she fancies herself a media personality.

posted by Jugwine at 09:17 AM on March 31, 2006

well thankfully that will now be the last we hear of Anna Benson. I'll bet my entire year's earnings (granted, not very much) that you're dead wrong on that one. I'll even lay $20 down that she'll end up with a Yankee or Red Sox player sometime in the next....oh, season and a half. We've seen publicity whores like this time and time again, and they constantly reinvent their schtick to get back in the headlines. Assuming he actually hosts it, Dan Patrick will have a field-day with this on his radio show today.

posted by Ufez Jones at 09:30 AM on March 31, 2006

I agree with those who said it's a shame for any marriage to fail. I also agree that this will probably not be the last we hear of Anna Benson. After all she has her own publicist. However without her distractions maybe Kris can become the pitcher that he should have been while still in pittsburgh.

posted by FriarDuck at 09:40 AM on March 31, 2006

Total media whore - but, hey, I can't be surprised by that anymore. She is funny - and I assume will do just about anything for money. I smell an Adults Only reality TV show. Or maybe I'm just hoping. Sometimes that can affect smell.

posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 09:57 AM on March 31, 2006

So, is she dating yet?? Hey Anna, I won at Bowling tonight... Assume the position.

posted by LostInDaJungle at 10:17 AM on March 31, 2006

This is so not the last we'll be hearing of Anna Benson. She's easily fame-crazed enough that she'll wind up being stuntcast on Desperate Housewives or some WB Show, or she'll be seen partying with Anna Nicole and/or Tawny Kitaen, or she'll be flogging sex toys on QVC, all the while schtupping more athletes or W-list stars (Tom Sizemore, check your voicemail) than Tara Reid can shake her numb fake boobs at, and Howard Stern will put together a daily Lisa Loeb-style "I'm famous and hot, get me laid" type series, and dammit she's going to keep this charade up until she has her own E: True Hollywood Story if it fucking kills her. The pop culture sausage machine lives on trainwrecks-in-training like this.

posted by chicobangs at 10:51 AM on March 31, 2006

Has anyone checked out her Fox News quality website yet? She has some interesting opinions.

posted by yerfatma at 11:17 AM on March 31, 2006

A skank that can't seem to ever find a shred of dignity. Good God woman, the good ole Us of Ayy afforded you to pick yourself up from your poor whi-trash life you grew up from and live a lavish lifestyle. I'll buy the porn if you "do" the whole team on tape though. Should we trump up some BS about Kris cheatin' on ya or are you two steps ahead? Call me.

posted by 1651 Naismith at 11:31 AM on March 31, 2006

Oh, she's going to be on the next season of "Surreal Life," no question.

posted by uglatto at 01:50 PM on March 31, 2006

you guys give her too much credit. This is only the 3rd time I've heard her mentioned since she became "famous" and that was while she was still dating a MLB pitcher. We'll hear even less of her now, unless she is so desperate as to appear on Surreal Life. As for finding another athlete, who would hook up with her? Looks-wise, as I mentioned, there's at least 10 better looking at the nearest strip club. Personality-wise, she's attrocious...imagine an athlete WANTING to have his wife come out and say she's the one who negotiated his contract (when in fact she didn't)? I think Kris was the only cuckold-type athlete that would put up with her and now they're through. Dennis Rodman may hook up with her, but that's about the only one I can see.

posted by bdaddy at 02:01 PM on March 31, 2006

After reading metsblog, I have to make a strong declarative statement...Benson was moved because of Anna, not because of arm fatigue. Last year at ST, she moved into her rented house and promptly threw the mattresses that were there out on the lawn because they weren't what she had requested. That was the beginning of the end. This message will self-destruct in t-minus infinity

posted by garfield at 02:06 PM on March 31, 2006

A. Kris and Anna Benson are not even remotely as famous as Brangelina or Brannifer or whatever the hell they are called. B. Yes, she's reasonably hot but so is compost. Let's get a thread going about what a bitch Tawny Kitaen is next.

posted by fenriq at 02:08 PM on March 31, 2006

Let's get a thread going about what a bitch Tawny Kitaen is next. Shhh! Don't say that outloud. She'll kick your ass.

posted by grum@work at 02:59 PM on March 31, 2006

Did she throw down with Steve Harwell on Surreal Life yet?

posted by fenriq at 03:18 PM on March 31, 2006

Looks-wise, as I mentioned, there's at least 10 better looking at the nearest strip club. ... I think Kris was the only cuckold-type athlete that would put up with her ... Sheesh. They have three kids. She said on the Howard Stern show that after his arm surgery, she had to wipe his ass. Maybe there's more going on in their relationship than her ability to make the beast with two backs.

posted by rcade at 03:20 PM on March 31, 2006

her ability to make the beast with two backs. Ha! That was pretty good I've never heard that one before. Good points rcade but why didn't he just go lefty after the arm surgery?

posted by tron7 at 03:30 PM on March 31, 2006

IAGO I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs.

posted by yerfatma at 03:41 PM on March 31, 2006

Never read/seen Othello, or King Leer for that matter... I feel uneducated.

posted by tron7 at 03:54 PM on March 31, 2006

That's one of my favorite euphemisms for sex (second only to "makin' tortillas"), and I didn't know it was coined by Shakespeare. That's greatness.

posted by rcade at 04:37 PM on March 31, 2006

Here's more on why he didn't go lefty:

Devoted wife that she is, it was noted that when Benson had arm surgery a couple of years ago, Anna held his cock when he went to the bathroom and wiped him after he took a shit. "He could not do anything or himself," she explained, noting how the surgery required a ligament from the left arm being relocated to the right arm. Stern wanted more details on the ass wiping process. Benson also noted that when the surgery was performed her husband was throwing up all over the place on the plane ride. "He couldn't hold down pain medication and stop throwing up." Stern said with all the duties that Benson claims she's performed- including sex- he'd give her $250,000. "Honey bear, it costs a lot more money to get me to do that," Benson told him.
Warning: The link contains really unflattering nude photo of Anna Benson.

posted by rcade at 04:40 PM on March 31, 2006

Never read/seen Othello, or King Leer for that matter "King Leer" should be the title of this thread. "Thou art a votary to fond desire."

posted by BullpenPro at 05:00 PM on March 31, 2006

Warning: The link contains really unflattering nude photo of Anna Benson. It's not all that unflattering. Kinda reminds me of my 2nd wife. Hmmmm.....maybe it's not so good at that.

posted by commander cody at 05:06 PM on March 31, 2006

Rats. I went the Shakespeare route when I had a perfectly good Morrissey gag waiting right there for me. "Your boyfriend, he Went down on one knee Well, could it be He's only got one knee?" -- King Leer Hmmm. Maybe it would have been funnier if the boyfriend gets down on one elbow...

posted by BullpenPro at 05:19 PM on March 31, 2006

Of all the threads, this is the the one that quotes Shakespeare most often. Alas poor SpoFi, I knew him/they well, Horatio. and......scene

posted by THX-1138 at 06:12 PM on March 31, 2006

BP, you beat me to it, and I'm glad of it, 'cause you did it much better. Pop culturists of the World, unite and reference something obscure (before the days of the Internet).

posted by yerfatma at 06:15 PM on March 31, 2006

It's not exactly old, but i keep thinking of the bloodhound gang song, saying that the drummer from def leppard only has one arm...

posted by FozzFest at 07:07 PM on March 31, 2006

Holy crap, Shakespeare came up with "makin' tortillas?" Dude, I had no idea.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 07:35 AM on April 01, 2006

i remember readin her website..she makes most neocon's look like!! worst part is that she's freakin stupid to boot..i gotta feeling she's gonna run for congress in the!!!

posted by ktown at 01:28 PM on April 01, 2006

The minimal time that Anna has left is dedicated to managing her husband's career, raising her three children, and contributing countless hours to several local charities Nice priorites. And she has a cat named (I shit you not) Grandmaster Pokey Foo. But I don't see how you guys are slagging her looks. She's pretty goddamned hot.

posted by wfrazerjr at 02:52 PM on April 01, 2006

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