Recent Comments by BitterOldPunk

NFL Pick 'Em, Divisional Round

I still declare a moral victory.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:16 PM on January 13, 2013

NFL Pick 'Em, Divisional Round

1. Denver
2. San Francisco
3. Atlanta Falcons
4. New England
5. Colin Kaepernick
6. Jaquizz Rogers
7. Matt Bryant
8. Atlanta Falcons

posted by BitterOldPunk at 01:44 PM on January 12, 2013

Alabama Defeats Georgia

That was one of the most exciting college football games I've seen in years.

Roll Tide!

posted by BitterOldPunk at 11:57 PM on December 01, 2012

Seattle Wins on What-the-Hell Mary

It was an expensive error. For Vegas.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 02:28 PM on September 25, 2012

Peyton Manning Throws 3 Picks in Loss to Falcons

The Falcons are 2-0, the Saints are 0-2, and in college football, Alabama looks unstoppable. I'm so deliriously happy I just don't know what to do with myself.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 04:21 PM on September 19, 2012

8% of Fans Leave Sporting Events Legally Drunk

In related news, 8% of the audience at a recent Phish show were "tripping balls", 23% reported being "high as fuck", and 4% were said to be "off their face" but unable to articulate what intoxicants they had ingested.

Across town at the My Chemical Romance show, 12% of the crowd self-reported as being "sad".

posted by BitterOldPunk at 02:17 AM on January 21, 2011

Packers Crush Falcons, 48-21


Just, ugh.

This loss will take some getting over.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:47 PM on January 17, 2011

Augusta National

I know it's a bit Pepsi Blue, but I'm genuinely excited to see this. Amen Corner. Hogan's Alley. The Eisenhower Tree. All of it.

The only major golf tournament to be played at the same course every year, The Masters is a notoriously conservative organization. It took years of secret negotiations between EA Sports and the poobahs in Augusta to make this happen.

If there is not a special achievement for replicating Gene Sarazen's 1935 double eagle, I shall be disappointed.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 03:46 PM on January 04, 2011

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

grum@work: yeah, yeah, '98. One anomalous season of squeaking their way into the Super Bowl only to get trounced by the Broncos doesn't count.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 11:27 PM on December 08, 2010

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Oops. "1000 yard receiver"

Stupid phone touchpad.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 07:04 PM on December 06, 2010

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Meanwhile, the Atlanta Falcons are quietly building their reputation as the most-feared team in the NFC. I mean, c'mon! Did anyone watch that Falcons/Bucs game? Bucs take the lead with four minutes left and you can just HEAR them thinking, "Uh oh, we left Matty Ice way too much time on the clock." And sure enough, the Falcons calmly and methodically march right down the field. You don't want to play these guys at home in the playoffs, and they're getting close to sewing up home-field advantage.

Having suffered a lifetime of the unremitting awfulness that was Falcons Football, I'm over the moon with joy at how Mike Smith and Rich McKay have transformed the franchise into a team that EXPECTS to win every time they step on the field.

We've got a 1000 yard rusher in Michael Turner and a 100 yard receiver in Roddy White.

We've got an unflappable QB.

We've got a first-ballot HoF tight end.

We're thin at running back due to injury, and our secondary makes do with speed since they're undersized, but, DAMN. Finally! The Falcons are LEGIT.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 07:02 PM on December 06, 2010

Derek Anderson Pulls a Dennis Green

Why shouldn't Anderson have given up on the game? Down by two scores in the second quarter, Coach Whisenhunt sent in the punt team on fourth and one: he'd obviously given up on it.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 03:55 PM on December 01, 2010

The Hoser's NFL Picks 2010 -- Week 12

I would just like to point out that Packers v Falcons game IS THE MOST IMPORTANT GAME IN THE HISTORY OF HUMAN CIVILIZATION.

That is all.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 06:40 PM on November 26, 2010

Terrell Owens Honors Ailing 6-Year-Old

I used to work at a restaurant TO would frequent when visiting relatives.

His image is that of a selfish loudmouth, but in person he was unfailingly polite and an all-around nice guy. Good to see him getting some good press for a change.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 06:35 PM on November 26, 2010

Wheelchair-Bound Player Scores Touchdown

They don't need anyone to give them their triumphs or special moments.


But it made everyone a little happier. Nothing wrong with that.

It would have been more fun if he'd gotten to hit someone as he crossed the goal line, though.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:10 PM on October 14, 2010

Lebron Plays Race Card Over Decision Criticism

Of course race was a factor. Also, LeBron being a self-aggrandizing douchebag was a factor.

It's a floor wax! It's a dessert topping! STOP! It's BOTH!

posted by BitterOldPunk at 06:11 AM on October 01, 2010

SportsFilter: The Saturday Huddle

Can I just say? A little part of me died with every field goal that kid from UAB missed in the Tennessee game.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 05:47 AM on September 26, 2010

Yankees Caps Popular Among Criminals

The manager of the Butte, MT AA club, the Fightin' Black Balaclavas, was heard to comment, "What are we? Chopped liver?"

posted by BitterOldPunk at 04:37 AM on September 17, 2010

Is Mike Vick Back?

No, the Falcons gave him that contract because he did something that no other player in the history of the Falcons franchise (pace Deon Sanders) had ever done: he put butts in seats. Mike Vick sells tickets. And jerseys. And bobbleheads. In Atlanta, decidedly a lesser franchise in the scope of the league, that was as important as winning games. In Philly, where ticket sales aren't the issue, he's gonna hafta win games.

And as a Falcons fan who watched his whole career closely, I have my doubts about that.

But win or lose, love him or hate him, Mike Vick is hands down the most fun player to watch in the NFL.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:26 PM on September 13, 2010

Shoal Creek Lands Champions Tour Major

Well, good. We need a cash infusion 'round here.

I thought Sir Charles (Barkley) was a Shoal Creek member, but maybe not.

I've played Shoal Creek. It's a lovely course, and hard as hell. I think I shot a 104 from the white tees.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:46 PM on August 26, 2010

No More Umpire Picks in NFL

Defensive linemen will get away with a lot more jersey-grabbing, I suspect.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 06:22 PM on August 21, 2010

Couple Parks on TPC Sawgrass 8th Green

It would have been more impressive if they'd parked on the 17th green.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:57 PM on May 08, 2010

Ex-NFL Great Lawrence Taylor Arrested

I watched that Celebrity Crackhead show, too. What struck me is that for all of LTs bad behavior, it was pretty clear that the man never touched drugs before he signed an NFL contract. And then the first one he tried was cocaine.

That's a recipe for disaster right there.

I hate to hear this and my heart goes out to that poor girl. Living in NYC in the 80s, LT was The Man, and that 86 Super Bowl team was one of the better NFL squads ever, IMO. I hate to see this happen. You can put down the dope and still act like a crackhead.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:53 PM on May 08, 2010

Raiders release former No. 1 overall pick Russell

Dear Atlanta Falcons:

Don't even think about it.


A Fan

posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:46 PM on May 08, 2010

SportsFilter: The Sunday Huddle

I would just like it noted that the Atlanta Falcons have back-to-back winning seasons for the first time in franchise history. Can't wait until next season to hear a sportscaster intone, "The Falcons, who've put together two winning seasons only ONCE in their history..."

posted by BitterOldPunk at 06:18 PM on January 03, 2010

Five players named Heisman finalists

Ingram wins, Alabama beats Texas, Roll Tide Roll, top of the world ma, we lose a bunch of seniors and sink into SEC mediocrity next year, Saban gets fired in three or four years after he loses to Auburn. I love Alabama football. I hate Alabama football boosters.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 01:47 AM on December 08, 2009

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle


Matt Ryan AND Michael Turner get hurt as the Falcons struggle mightily against the Bucs. Oh woe! Alas, alack!

Just three more wins. Then we'll have nine and we're guaranteed to get the "never had back-to-back winning seasons" monkey off our backs. Three more. To quote that great philosopher, "Playoffs? PLAYOFFS?" Just three more wins.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:15 PM on November 30, 2009

FSU Trustee: Time for Bobby Bowden to Go

I'm surprised Jimbo Fisher hasn't smothered Bowden in his sleep already. He's been primed to take the reins at Florida State for years. Let him. Joe Pa, OTOH, should coach until he falls over dead.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:01 AM on October 06, 2009

SportsFilter: The Monday Huddle

Best line I heard all weekend was by Keith Olbermann, "When Tony Romo sat down, he missed the bench."


Also: the Steelers tried their best to blow a 28-point lead last night. Their defensive play late in the game does not bode well.

Also also: the Saints are really, really scary. Like, ho-lee shit how do we stop them scary.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 07:15 PM on October 05, 2009

NFL Suspends Donte Stallworth for One Year

At least he didn't run over a dog. That'd get him two years in Leavenworth.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 11:16 PM on August 13, 2009

Eagles Sign Michael Vick to Two-Year Deal

If Vick is smart (and by all available evidence he is not) he's spent the last two years doing sit-ups and push-ups. He'll need to work on his timing and speed, but I don't doubt he can come back and be effective. I'm glad to see him get a chance to play. I can't imagine the kind of pressure he must be under. If he can channel it into performance on the field, we'll be seeing some amazing stuff in the highlight reel.

Of course, as a Falcons fan, the emergence of Matty Ice and the steady hand Coach Smith has brought to the team make it a helluva lot easier to be forgiving of Vick in 2009 than I was in 2007.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 11:12 PM on August 13, 2009

Vick to UFL?

I hope he does play in the NFL again. And I'm glad that it won't be for my Falcons.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:55 PM on July 04, 2009

Steve McNair Killed in Nashville

Oh no. Oh no. McNair was one of my favorite players of all time. Oh goddamn.

Goddamn. Goddamn.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 07:03 PM on July 04, 2009

Aloha, Hawaii:

I kinda like this idea, too. Why not? It's not like fewer people could possible watch that yearly snoozefest.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 11:18 PM on January 05, 2009

Take the skinheads bowling, take them bowling

Oops. Yeah, I commented before reading the second link. Which says EXACTLY what my first comment says.

But I'm now convinced that I'm qualified to be an analyst for Fox Sports.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 11:55 AM on December 08, 2008

Take the skinheads bowling, take them bowling

Alabama vs. Utah is a lose/lose proposition for Bama fans.

Alabama wins: "Well, it was UTAH, after all. Big deal." Alabama loses: "You guys suck! Beat by UTAH."

Kinda like last year's Georgia vs. Hawai'i game.

And yeah, Texas Tech got screwed.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 11:48 AM on December 08, 2008

Warrick Dunn faces his motherís killer

Warrick Dunn is one of the most stand-up guys ever to play professional football. I don't have anything else to say, just, yay, Warrick Dunn rocks.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 07:54 PM on November 07, 2008

Clemson Fires Tommy Bowden

I understand your sentiment, Drood. I resisted college sports for years and years, largely because college football is practically the state religion around here. But there is nothing like being in the stands in Tuscaloosa during a kick-off, and 80,000 people are screaming and the whole place is a sea of crimson... it's spectacular. And not just the devotion people demonstrate to their team, the teams themselves. That Texas-Oklahoma game last Saturday? Amazing. Two talented teams playing smart, physical ball, with passion. It was a treat for even the most lukewarm fan of the game to watch.

Plus, a lot of these schools have been playing each other for a CENTURY or so. There's tons of history and tradition for a fan to wallow in.

Is it overblown and taken to a ridiculous extreme? Sure. But that's only because there was something there to begin with, something beautiful and joyous to participate in, whether you're on the field or in the stands.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 02:07 PM on October 15, 2008

Seven years of Lion angst ought to end

Matt Millen obviously has pictures of Bill Sr. blowing a goat. There is no other possibility. No one else could demonstrate such utter incompetence year-in, year-out and still keep a job.

Beaverboard makes a great point -- a lame Lions hurts the NFL as a league. They're a core franchise. Hell, my Atlanta Falcons could disband tomorrow and no one would notice. But the Lions are woven into the fabric of the game.

And the frustrating part is: there's plenty of talent on that team!

posted by BitterOldPunk at 01:56 PM on September 23, 2008

Ohio State no match for Southern Cal

I'd be more worried about the SEC beating each other up

You mean tempered by the cleansing flame of quality competition? I agree.

(OK, Alabama played Western Kentucky last week, Tulane the week before, and lost to LA-Monroe last season, so there's that. There are plenty of cupcakes in an average SEC schedule. But they're non-conference games.)

And not only do SEC teams play each other all season, but also they then play a championship game! Harsh, dude! (Oh wait. So does the PAC-10. Never mind.)

When I was a kid, growing up in Alabama, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and lawn darts were family fun, it was widely acknowledged (at least among my father's more endrunkulated and opinionated friends, you know, the ones I grew up watching college football with) that the only college football team with a reputation and fan base to match our beloved Crimson Tide were the Ohio State Buckeyes.

(And Notre Dame, but they didn't count -- damn non-conference Catholics. Probly communiss pinkos.)

So the rise of USC seems somehow abhorrent to me, even as I cheer their alumni in the NFL and acknowledge Pete Carroll as the best college coach of his time. (Next in line for coronation: Sylvester Crooms. Worst mistake Alabama ever made, not hiring that guy. Except for Coach Fran, of course. They love Saban in Tuscaloosa, but he ain't gonna stay long enough to build a dynasty the way Crooms could have. Plus, private jet. WTF?)

So, in the same way that I root for whoever can beat Tennessee in the SEC, I root against USC reflexively.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 06:51 PM on September 15, 2008

Ohio State no match for Southern Cal

Is this the thread where I off-handedly mention the obvious superiority of the SEC (five teams in the top ten) and ruminate over what would happen to USC if they actually had to play a challenging schedule, like teams in some other, superior conferences do?


OK, then.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 05:55 PM on September 15, 2008

Take your bags, sir?

Rudi shouldn't worry. Knowing Bell, he'll drop those bags any second.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 04:43 PM on September 04, 2008

NFL TV Distribution Maps


I thought it was cool.

*slinks away, kicks dirt*

posted by BitterOldPunk at 09:08 PM on September 03, 2008

Jacksonville Jaguars OT in critical condition after early-morning shooting

Because obviously going to a club with a provocatively dressed woman means you were looking to get shot.

Good for Coach Del Rio to try to move the media focus to finding the shooter instead of making insinuations about the player.

I hope Collier makes a complete recovery and is able to resume his professional career.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 04:26 PM on September 03, 2008

An Open Letter From Roger Ebert To Jay Mariotti

"Around the Horn" is still on the air? Huh. Who knew.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 09:21 PM on August 28, 2008

Jeremy Shockey Traded to Saints

Shockey + New Orleans = bonanza for Times-Picayune sportswriters. On the field AND off. As a Falcons fan (shut up, I know, OK?) I look forward to an exciting season for the NFC South...

posted by BitterOldPunk at 05:45 PM on July 22, 2008

Terrell Owens is a sweet, sweet man.

A few years ago I was bartending at a restaurant when TO and his "date" walked in. Turns out his "date" was his sister (or half-sister, or something) who lives in my hometown and TO was visiting for a few days. They took a booth in a corner of the bar, enjoyed their meal and a couple of cocktails, and TO graciously hung out for about half an hour afterwards signing autographs for the waitstaff and shaking hands with well-wishers. He was friendly, personable, and a good tipper. I'd figured him to be a spoiled loudmouth, but that evening changed my perception of the guy. Contrast that with a story I heard from a friend of mine, a waiter in a tres chic restaurant in South Florida -- he called me all excited one night to say that Eli and Peyton Manning had been in earlier drinking up a storm, asking if anyone knew where to find any blow, and were currently sitting parked in their Escalade in the alley out back getting their knobs slobbed by a couple of Florida's finest escorts. On-screen personae may differ markedly from off-screen behavior.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 02:28 PM on July 22, 2008

An Instant Classic

I have Tiger fatigue. I was hoping Mediate would win. He played some really great golf. Oh well. Tiger will not let up until he wins 20 majors. That's his grail. One more than Jack. He'll do it, too.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 07:41 PM on June 17, 2008

Game 1

The fact that the first two games are only on Versus breaks my heart....and compels me to go to a sports bar that gets Versus.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 02:49 PM on May 24, 2008

This is my #1 draft pick...

I loved the YouTube comments on a related video: MONGOLIA RULZ Do you guys even have the INternet? Fuck u we have better girls than your bitches R U serious? I live in Sweden ffs

posted by BitterOldPunk at 01:13 PM on April 25, 2008


Coincidentally, the Lions just jumped on the bandwagon and trademarked "0-17". Leaving the Falcons to wonder, "Now why didn't WE think of that?"

posted by BitterOldPunk at 08:11 PM on April 21, 2008

Have we returned to the days of 'Gladiators'?

Right. Because repeatedly punching someone in the head until they fall down is more sportsmanlike than maneuvering them into a submission hold that results in a tap-out. UFC fights are exciting, they pit talented athletes against each other, and I don't believe there's any evidence that they are more dangerous than boxing (I'd think they were safer, really, in terms of cumulative damage to the participants). Bemoaning the UFC as an indicator of America's "war-like" culture is just a kind of self-satisfied armchair sociology. Can't you say you find it distastefully violent, and leave it at that? That's fine, that's your opinion, but to then draw a line from the UFC to US foreign policy is specious reasoning of the most fuzzy-headed sort. True, but I don't live in those countries. Last time I checked, Americans were playing and enjoying watching hockey, rugby, and Muay Thai.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 04:29 PM on April 19, 2008

Top 10 Unbreakable Sports Records

Maddux' record of 116 decapitated hookers in one season will surely not be broken in a post-steroids world. That made beer come out my nose. AND IM NOT DRINKING BEER

posted by BitterOldPunk at 02:31 AM on April 19, 2008

Top 10 Unbreakable Sports Records

Three of the greatest achievements in sports history: Secretariat wins the 1973 Kentucky Derby. He ran each quarter-mile leg of the race FASTER than the one before -- meaning the horse was still accelerating as he crossed the finish line. It was the fastest Derby ever run (1:59 2/5), and only one horse (Monarchos in 2001) has since finished the race in under 2 minutes -- two horses did it that day in 1973: Secretariat, and his rival, Sham. Secretariat wins the 1973 Preakness. And, of course, the thrilling, amazing, jaw-dropping, never-will-we-see-it-again performance of Secretariat at the 1973 Belmont Stakes. The horse won by 31 lengths. Thirty-one lengths! It was the fastest mile-and-a-half ever run (2:24), beating the old record by 2 seconds. To this day, no horse has ever run that distance in less than 2:25. Whenever I want to see pure athletic excellence in action, I watch replays of the 1973 Belmont Stakes, possibly the greatest non-human athletic achievement ever captured on film. Most racehorses' hearts weigh between 8 and 10 pounds. At autopsy, Sham's heart was found to weigh 19 pounds. Secretariat's heart (which was never formally weighed as the horse's owners wished him to be buried intact) was estimated to have weighed about 22 pounds. We may someday see a horse like that again, but we will never, ever see a performance like the 1973 Belmont Stakes. I wanted to make this a FPP, but figured I'd just put it here.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 02:02 PM on April 18, 2008

Ultimate Fighting Robs The Cradle

I'll bet I could move a lot of "My kid can beat up your honor student" bumper stickers at these events.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 04:27 PM on March 29, 2008

New home not so sweet for CFL?

There are only eight teams in the CFL? Really? I had no idea.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:03 PM on March 02, 2008

Happy 25th, USFL!

My dad was a season ticket holder and he & I went to just about every home game the Birmingham Stallions played in '83 & '84. Then I left town, but I still freakin' LOVED the USFL, and it broke my heart to see them move to a fall schedule and destroy themselves. If it hadn't been for the USFL, I'd have never gotten to see Herschel Walker, Jim Kelly, and Reggie White (not to mention Joe Cribbs...who once owned "Joe Cribbs' Superstar Car Wash" out on Highway 280...) play football in person. Birmingham has a long, sad history of minor-league football teams (Go, Vulcans!) but not only were the Stallions GOOD (two-time Eastern Conference champs) they were popular -- the games were well-attended. Damn, I miss the USFL. If they'd made a go of it, we'd now have quality year-round football. Guess I'll hafta start rooting for our new team now.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 06:08 PM on February 25, 2008

Arsenal's Eduardo Da Silva injured in outrageous tackle, possibly ending his career.

Oh, snap.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 03:41 PM on February 23, 2008

Keyshawn working out, mulls NFL return

Keyshawn had good hands and wasn't afraid to run slants and crosses across the middle. That said, he should stay retired. I think he'll get better in the booth. I'd rather listen to him than Michael Irvin, that's for damn sure.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 11:37 PM on February 21, 2008

New leash on life: Raiders' Cooper dedicates himself to care of abused and mean dogs at animal shelter.

I'd never heard of the breed of dog he owns. Turns out they're rather fearsome.

posted by BitterOldPunk at 09:46 PM on February 05, 2008