04/19/24
January 25, 2008
The Joy of Six: The six worst sports movies ever. "Stumbling around seemingly high on botox, Stallone spends his time mulling over snippets of cod philosophy - "The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows, it's a very mean and nasty place" - and comes to the conclusion that, by losing, one can actually become ... wait for it ... a winner". The ensuing comments are lively.
I'll see your Talladega Nights and raise you a Gymkata. Although a persnickety person could make the "notasport" argument...
posted by lil_brown_bat at 02:57 PM on January 25, 2008
The Fish That Saved Pittsburg. That's really all you need to know. Other than that, it was life altering. And not in a good way. The horror.
posted by THX-1138 at 03:02 PM on January 25, 2008
Whats not to like about Howard the Duck? I think I have the comic around here somewhere. If it were my list The Cutting Edge would take the place of Tin Cup. I feel dirty just thinking about that movie.
posted by curlyelk at 03:14 PM on January 25, 2008
The move version of Howard the Duck != the comic. See here for details.
posted by yerfatma at 03:19 PM on January 25, 2008
How can you put Victory in there?! That was Pele's acting debut! And Sly played a meathead American, I mean, he was practically born for the role!
posted by Chargdres at 03:31 PM on January 25, 2008
Those movies are ok in comparison to the newest "Replacements" movie that was supposed to be funny. Man, movies now are getting crapier by the second. That's all movies are now, trying to be funny when they're being retarded, the "scary" movies like when a stranger calls, and the "steppin" movies which I don't understand. I mean I like the dancing, but how are you goin to make an entire movie about that shit? And "Sly" Stallone needs to stop makin movies. The last Rocky and Rambo sucked hard.
posted by Scars at 03:45 PM on January 25, 2008
Tend to agree with most of the selections, with exception of Tin Cup. Enjoyed the movie marginally, but mostly because of being a Costner fan. Besides, I always like smart asses in movies that are trying to buck the system.
posted by Nakeman at 03:48 PM on January 25, 2008
I'll see your Gymkata and raise you by Only the Strong.
posted by MrFrisby at 03:55 PM on January 25, 2008
I really enjoyed Talladega Nights. I watched it without any pre-conceived notions about it having anything legitimate to do with NASCAR. Classic Will Ferrell. Loved it. I agree with Any Given Sunday and Tin Cup being on the list. Haven't seen the other ones though but doesn't sound like I am missing much.
posted by ampto11 at 04:07 PM on January 25, 2008
I thought Talladega Nights was all right but it wasn't special. I will admit that it may be funnier watching it with a group of people. Blades of Glory on the other hand was an extremely funny movie. Will Ferrell was terrific.
posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 04:16 PM on January 25, 2008
For every Bull Durham, there are several movies like Major League 2 and Major League: Back to the Minors. It is the way of the world. On the Talladega Nights thing, expecting more than a goofy ass NASCAR parody out of it is expecting too much. Like expecting the baseball game at the end of The Naked Gun to have realism instead of its ridiculous goodness.
posted by chris2sy at 04:17 PM on January 25, 2008
When gymnastics and karate are fused, the combustion becomes an explosion and a new kind of martial arts superhero is born. . . Gymkata!
posted by holden at 04:29 PM on January 25, 2008
I'll see your GYMKATA and Only the Strong and raise you Over The Top With a nod to the equally odious remake of The Longest Yard. Adam Sandler as an NFL QB? C'mon now.
posted by cjets at 04:32 PM on January 25, 2008
Whoa, cjets, are you telling me you've seen a better arm wrasslin'/ divorced dad/ long-haul trucker movie? Name two. Thought so. That movie was hell on me as a kid. I've never been a good arm wrestler (I'm the opposite of ambidextrous) and it meant 6 months of unfun until my friends got sick of arm wrestling and moved onto pool which my lack of a dominant hand did not help with. Thankfully puberty hit soon thereafter and the lack of a dominant hand was really no problem at all.
posted by yerfatma at 04:36 PM on January 25, 2008
With a nod to the equally odious remake of The Longest Yard. Or how about the soccer version of The Longest Yard, Mean Machine, starring Vinnie Jones.
posted by goddam at 04:43 PM on January 25, 2008
Gymkata is Citizen Kane compared to Fish That Saved Pittsburg. Over the Top is Gone with the wind, comparitively. Fish is so bad, you can't even link to youtube. It's so bad that it simultaneously gives fish, basketball, and Pittsburg a bad name. It's so bad that Dr. J was sued for malpractice.
posted by THX-1138 at 04:45 PM on January 25, 2008
are you telling me you've seen a better arm wrasslin'/ divorced dad/ long-haul trucker movie? Name two. I guess you missed the sequel: Under the Thumb. Stallone's ode to Thumb Wrestling. But if you prefer, I'd happily change my vote from Over the Top to Sandler's version of The Longest Yard. Comparing Sandler to Burt Reynolds is a lot like comparing Stallone in Over The Top to his son in the movie. Sly sure does appear in alot in this list.
posted by cjets at 04:46 PM on January 25, 2008
Because the originals are the two funniest sports movies ever, I think you have to include on that list Slap Shot 2 and Caddyshack 2. How do you go from Paul Newman to a Baldwin? Or from Rodney D to Jackie Mason? And Dan Akroyd should be ashamed [of his career] of the attempt to replace Bill Murray as Carl the groundskeeper. I'd gladly sit through ten consecutive showings of Tin Cup to never endure even seeing the DVD case of these two shitbombs!
posted by tahoemoj at 04:59 PM on January 25, 2008
shutting down production on rock, paper, scissors
posted by catfish at 05:28 PM on January 25, 2008
I liked "The Cutting Edge"! "Toe pick!" I'm surprised no one has mentioned "Ladybugs" or "She's the Man". Both movies were viewed during airplane flights. I wish I could have fallen asleep. Or jumped. And I blame both movies for hurting soccer's chances in America.
posted by grum@work at 05:46 PM on January 25, 2008
I want to say i LOVE christopher walken. I do. I can forgive him almost anything, which is the only reason that i will ever again watch a movie that he is in after having seen "balls of fury." I even watched it drunk on new years, and still didnt laugh more than once or twice. It just might be the worst sports movie ever. (i am qualifying it as a sports movie because they really do have ping pong in the olympics)(then again they have figure skating in the olympics too, and i dont call it a sport, so disregard this post)
posted by elijahin24 at 05:48 PM on January 25, 2008
How about the mighty ducks 7, or 8 or however many they made?
posted by elijahin24 at 05:49 PM on January 25, 2008
Need a post on best sports movie.
posted by Nakeman at 05:55 PM on January 25, 2008
Need a post on best sports movie If you build it, we will come.
posted by elijahin24 at 05:57 PM on January 25, 2008
Spam Fish That Saved Pittsburg was so bad that Pittsburg has never been allowed an NBA franchise because of it.
posted by THX-1138 at 06:05 PM on January 25, 2008
Check the SpoFi wiki or the locker room archives under "navel gazing." Its been done. but it might be fun to do again! I'm all for it.
posted by hawkguy at 06:05 PM on January 25, 2008
Need a post on best sports movie. Best: Field of Dreams Funniest: Slapshot Most Inspirational: Rocky Best PBSesque version of a Sports Movie: Chariots of Fire Best completely overlooked (and not really sure it's a) sports movie: Searching for Bobby Fischer Honorable Mention: Bull Durham
posted by cjets at 06:09 PM on January 25, 2008
How about The Air Up There? The mention of Over the Top made me laugh - I remember I watched that a ton as a kid.
posted by bperk at 06:21 PM on January 25, 2008
c-jets you left out "rudy", "hoosiers", and the new addition to the conversation "we are marshal"
posted by elijahin24 at 06:35 PM on January 25, 2008
Ya, Rudy is one of my favorites. The Harder they Fall is also a very good sports movie. Most of you will not recognize that one. Old Humprey Bogart flick about the seedy side of boxing. Recommend renting or looking for it on some of the cable channels that feature older movies.
posted by Nakeman at 06:44 PM on January 25, 2008
I'll buck the trend and say I absolutely loved Talladega Nights. Perhaps because the two lead characters were exact recreations of two of my more country relatives. I have no opinion on how well they treated NASCAR, but they were dead on in many other respects. I thought blades of glory seemed like a rushed, second rate attempt at another Talladega Nights, but still found it funny.
posted by justgary at 06:53 PM on January 25, 2008
Bend it Like Beckham? I'm assuming everyone liked this movie? It has not been mentioned at all. And thank you Tahoemoj. Caddyshack 2 and Slap Shot 2 should easily be in the top 6. Terrible. Just terrible. Anyone else seen American Anthem? I thought that was a good movie. But my favs are definately: Rudy Youngblood Caddyshack SlapShot Brian's Song.... and a strecth.... The Color of Money
posted by BoKnows at 07:09 PM on January 25, 2008
c-jets you left out "rudy", "hoosiers", and the new addition to the conversation "we are marshal" Left them out or (dramatic pause) chose not to include them. I think both "Rudy" and "Hoosiers" are similar to, but not as good as, "Rocky." I haven't seen "We are Marshall" so I can't comment.
posted by cjets at 07:09 PM on January 25, 2008
Brian's Song How did I miss that one? Can't have a Best of sports movie list without "Brian's Song."
posted by cjets at 07:11 PM on January 25, 2008
Good call on "brians song" I cant believe i forgot that one. The origional not the crappy disney remake. Come to think of it, would it be safe to assume that any movie mentioned here as being good, that has been done twice or more, it is the origional being spoken of in a positive light? And cjets, if you choose not to include them, dont you leave them out? I didnt say forgot. BTW you should see "we are marshal" I freely admit tears resulting from that movie. Best football movie i have ever seen. Bar none.
posted by elijahin24 at 08:07 PM on January 25, 2008
The origional not the crappy disney remake. Come to think of it, would it be safe to assume that any movie mentioned here as being good, that has been done twice or more, it is the origional being spoken of in a positive light? I would agree. Most sequels and remakes suck. Especially the examples listed above.
posted by cjets at 08:42 PM on January 25, 2008
I have always been a fan of Remember the Titans. The fact that it is based off of a true story makes it that much better. Plus Denzel Washington gives a great performance in the movie.
posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 08:51 PM on January 25, 2008
Hey cjets, did you like "Invincible"? I thought it was pretty good. I thought "Talledega Nights" was nothing but a comedy that happened to be about NASCAR. A pure Will Ferrell vehicle. And Stallone should have quit after "Rocky 2". I have not seen some of the other movies listed.
posted by steelergirl at 11:25 PM on January 25, 2008
Out of all of the football movies, "Varsity Blues" is probably my favorite.
posted by MrFrisby at 11:49 PM on January 25, 2008
Out of all of the football movies, "Varsity Blues" is probably my favorite I thaught about that, mrfrisby. the football action in that movie is about as realistic as i have seen in a movie. The hits look real, and with the exception of the hook-and-ladder at the end, the playes they called were realistic for high school football. When i was younger i really liked it, but watching it as an adult, the storyline just doesnt carry me. I cant speak for anyone else, but thats why i write it off.
posted by elijahin24 at 12:00 AM on January 26, 2008
Good call YYM, Remember the Titans was a great movie. How about The Junction Boys? Based on "Bear Bryant".
posted by BoKnows at 12:01 AM on January 26, 2008
Hey cjets, did you like "Invincible"? I thought it was pretty good. Yes, even with Marky Mark. And Greg Kinnear as Vermeil. And Stallone should have quit after "Rocky 2". I actually liked Rocky 3 (especially Mr. T as Clubber Lang) Reporter: What's your prediction for the fight? Clubber(stares into the camera): Pain But he definitely should have quit after Rocky 3.
posted by cjets at 12:06 AM on January 26, 2008
That was a good one, bo YYM, that's the same thing that made "we are marshall" so good. Im serious guys, if you havent seen that yet, go rent it tonight. or tomorow if you, are in the east or centeral timezones, because most of the movie rental places have closed for the night here.
posted by elijahin24 at 12:06 AM on January 26, 2008
But he definitely should have quit after Rocky 3. HA! Well i have to fight you on that, because i loved rocky IV! Its cheesy as hell now, but tell me you didnt get goosebumps watching it at a time when the berlin wall was just comming down, and you heard our champion take the microphone after knocking out a juiced up ivan drago:"If i can change, and you can change, EVERYONE CAN CHANGE!!!!!" yeah! go rocky! U-S-A! U-S-A! God i wished i wasnt an 80 lb, 7th grader who punched like a girl!
posted by elijahin24 at 12:11 AM on January 26, 2008
Breaking Away, Raging Bull and Bad News Bears are all classics. Three of my favorites, definitely. But what about Victory? You get Pele and prison-break for the price of one. Major League 2 is just terrible.
posted by somedude at 03:41 AM on January 26, 2008
Cjet i liked all the rocky's cept for 5 that sucked ass.
posted by rockstar2001 at 04:11 AM on January 26, 2008
Some you may not have seen: 'The Coolangatta Gold' - about surf lifesaving, believe it or not. While the sport is big down here, the film is the equivalent of unleavened, unadulterated raw sewage floating on the Gold Coast beaches. 'The Club', based on a clever and popular David Williamson play, should have been good. But in the film version they made the club in question AFL's Collingwood, which immediately alienated 90 per cent of the Australian population. And one of my favourites: 'Searching for Bobby Fischer' - I agree it's great, and worth digging out of your DVD rental store.
posted by owlhouse at 05:59 AM on January 26, 2008
I have seen the movie Lagaan which is an Indian film about Indian's facing the British in a cricket match. It was quite entertaining.
posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 06:31 AM on January 26, 2008
Fish That Saved Pittsburg was so bad that Pittsburg has never been allowed an NBA franchise because of it. Fish that Saved Pittsburgh was so bad that Pittsburgh's rights to its terminal "H" were revoked!!!! Spanish rap video set to shots from the Fish That Saved Pittsburgh.
posted by holden at 09:25 AM on January 26, 2008
Say what you want about Rocky Balboa, I personally thought it was a well put together movie. Had a good story line and plot. Who expected him to lose at the end, (well unless you have the DVD w/the alternate ending).
posted by B10 at 11:04 AM on January 26, 2008
If he had won at the end, i woulda been pissed. I thaught the loss at the end was totally predictable. i thaught the dialog was written by a 7th grade girl who was in love with her teacher who happened to look like sly stallone (what's frank stalone doing these days?) The reconciliation with his son was totally predictable too. (his son needs to stick to being a hero) Pauly and rocky had it out about how pauly treated adrianne, which might be the only semi un-predictable part of the movie. And for Gods sake who thaught it would be a good idea to have a black boxer named Mason "the line" Dixon? Is that really the best name they could come up with? God the only thing i didnt hate about rocky balboa, is the fact that it wasnt quite as awful as Rocky V!!!
posted by elijahin24 at 12:25 PM on January 26, 2008
Elijahin, that post made me laugh very loudly at work! Very funny. That being said....I still liked the movie.
posted by B10 at 12:29 PM on January 26, 2008
Glad i could brighten your day, b10. Just dont get fired, ok?
posted by elijahin24 at 12:46 PM on January 26, 2008
I have to go with Raging Bull as the greatest sports flick ever. The worst is by far Rocky 5 (although I have not seen Rocky Balboa and have no intention of ever seeing it)
posted by HATER 187 at 01:56 PM on January 26, 2008
HA! Well i have to fight you on that, because i loved rocky IV! Well that's appropriate seeing as how we're discussing Rocky. Both III and IV come with generous helpings of velveeta, but Rocky III had Mr. T who was a great bad guy, while Rocky IV had Drago, who, as I recall, had nothing even resembling a personality. Also, the scene at the end when the Soviets started chanting "Rocky?" Didn't work for me at all.
posted by cjets at 01:56 PM on January 26, 2008
Going to have to include two great surfing films, Endless Summer and Riding Giants to the "best of" list. And Friday Night Lights does a good job getting at the essence of the national religion of Texas.
posted by tahoemoj at 02:42 PM on January 26, 2008
Going to have to include two great surfing films, Endless Summer and Riding Giants to the "best of" list. Agreed. Stacy Peralta (who directed Riding Giants) also directed Dogtown and Z Boys which was also a great movie about skateboarding (Not the later feature film, Lords of Dogtown, but the original documentary).
posted by cjets at 03:00 PM on January 26, 2008
Cjet i liked Drago just as the invincable superstrong arnold schwarzaboxer charector, he had some pretty cool lines in the movie.i liked number six but i wouldn't have minded if it ended with four.
posted by rockstar2001 at 06:26 PM on January 26, 2008
Mason Dixon was also the name of a main character in "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes." It's come to this...
posted by ajaffe at 07:55 PM on January 26, 2008
Wow, so you're saying that i UNDERESTIMATED the level of lameness that went with that name?!
posted by elijahin24 at 08:30 PM on January 26, 2008
tahhoemoj, yes! Endless Summer and Riding Giants were fantastic. I was getting a rush just watching, I can imagine how it feels in real life. elijahin24, I have to admit I have the entire Rocky collection in a boxed set. Yes IV was nice as you said, at a time when the Berlin Wall was coming down. But the story line (a nobody giving it his best shot and "going the distance") was done after II. III was cool just for the appearance of Mr. T. (love his WoW commercial)
posted by steelergirl at 08:56 PM on January 26, 2008
Cjet i liked Drago just as the invincable superstrong arnold schwarzaboxer charector, he had some pretty cool lines in the movie Now that you mention it, I do seem to recall him uttering some classic action movie lines. Despite that, it still didn't work for me.
posted by cjets at 10:09 PM on January 26, 2008
Tin Cup is the only one of these that I have seen and I concur that it is a dud. The best movie by far is Chariots of Fire which leaves all of the others in the dust or the sand - even the music is excellent.
posted by longgreenline at 11:00 PM on January 26, 2008
Also, the scene at the end when the Soviets started chanting "Rocky?" Didn't work for me at all. Oh, come on, now. When the Gorbachev lookalike slowly, haltingly, rises from his seat, and almost as if he'd never applauded before in his life, slowly, courageously, begins to clap for this audacious American who'd just beaten the best the hearless, soulless Soviet Machine had to offer, you didn't cry? Yeah, right. And, among all this mention of celluloid sports greatness, nobody mentions North Dallas Forty?! Dear God. Best. Freakin'. Sports. Movie. EVER. "Joe Bob's...eat here, or I'll kill you." Back on the bad movie front, how has nobody mentioned Rob Lowe and Patrick Swayze in Youngblood, or Mitch Gaylord and Janet Jones in American Anthem?
posted by The_Black_Hand at 05:35 AM on January 28, 2008
hearless, Also known as "heartless."
posted by The_Black_Hand at 05:39 AM on January 28, 2008
TBH, I did mention both American Anthem and Youngblood. In the same post even. Scroll up. But, I like you anyway. Good call on North Dallas Forty.
posted by BoKnows at 08:04 AM on January 28, 2008
Where's the love for Friday Night Lights? That was an awesome sports movie. I defy anyone to mention a flick with better football photography. It's on my top 5 for sure (and in no way will ever supplant SlapShot). Most overrated? The Natural. It's a disjointed mess.
posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 08:13 AM on January 28, 2008
Weedy, I can't get that wild about FNL the movie, only because I read the book. The movie was a good movie, I suppose, but it just doesn't compare to the book. I don't think any movie could have.
posted by lil_brown_bat at 08:54 AM on January 28, 2008
And that goes for The Natural, too. Great book.
posted by owlhouse at 03:46 PM on January 28, 2008
Indeed, owlie, with an ending that anybody who loves the movie will probably hate.
posted by The_Black_Hand at 04:58 PM on January 28, 2008
What was that high school football movie where Lea Thompson got naked with Tom Cruise? Now THAT was a good football movie. If that had been a nude scene in Howard the Duck, that would have made the top ten scifi list...
posted by irunfromclones at 05:08 PM on January 28, 2008
I always enjoyed the three mighty ducks movies. The second one is by far the best, although I was unaware Iceland was ever a hockey superpower.
posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 06:41 PM on January 28, 2008
What was that high school football movie where Lea Thompson got naked with Tom Cruise? Now THAT was a good football movie. If that had been a nude scene in Howard the Duck, that would have made the top ten scifi list... that would be the "all the right moves" a title that refers to her as much as him!
posted by elijahin24 at 08:31 PM on January 28, 2008
That list must have come out before "Talladega Nights: The Legend of Rickey Bobby." Worst. Movie. Ever. Worse than "Howard the Duck". Worse than well, all of them. I laughed all the way through it, but not at the movie. More because I was thinking, "I can't believe I'm watching this crap!"