November 27, 2009

According to ABC he was treated and released with just a few cuts here and there (facial).

posted by Folkways at 03:52 PM on November 27, 2009

Tiger shanks a drive, blames the Caddy!

Glad he didn't die, can you imagine the shouts of "Get in the hole!" at his funeral?

posted by geekyguy at 04:10 PM on November 27, 2009

Yeah, 2:30 in the morning, right near his home, slams into a fire hydrant? They're saying alcohol wasn't involved, but it still sounds a bit strange. Maybe flying out of his place after a argument with his wife? Yeah, I shouldn't speculate, but hey, what else do I have to do?

posted by dyams at 04:45 PM on November 27, 2009

Well, he's clearly missed the asphalt there, Jim, but I'm still backing him to salvage par.

Probably planned it - a car smash to recover from so he can be better than Hogan.

Snarking aside - and knowing he doesn't read SpoFi as much as he used to, but saying it anyway - I hope he's OK.

posted by JJ at 04:58 PM on November 27, 2009

Glad he didn't die, can you imagine the shouts of "Get in the hole!" at his funeral?

I feel a little bad that I laughed so hard at that.

posted by dusted at 05:36 PM on November 27, 2009

Maybe he thought he could just put a little draw on it and bend it around the tree. Oh well.

geekyguy, your lines cannot be topped.

posted by Howard_T at 06:36 PM on November 27, 2009

It all seems a bit odd:
1) 2:25 AM?

2) nothing released for over 12 hours?

3) Wife hears it, and comes out with a 8 iron? Why not another set of keys?
4) He fades in and out of consciousness, but that's classified as minor?

5) Given that this is the layout, how fast could he have been going?

yea, I'm sure they'll give us the straight answers tomorrow.

posted by dviking at 07:21 PM on November 27, 2009

Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if he was headed to Wal-Mart to get groceries or something. When else is he going to not get mobbed by people in any public place he goes to?

posted by boredom_08 at 07:44 PM on November 27, 2009

Last statement before impact: "I hate this %@^%$ Avalanche!"

posted by lil_brown_bat at 09:55 PM on November 27, 2009

The statements released after something like this are always accurate, so if he got into an arguement with his wife, i'm sure they will let us know.

Pardon my language, but if he got in an argument with his wife, what fucking business is that of yours? He owes noone but the police an explanation and yet he's still going to make a public statement. Be grateful he's going to give you gossips something to babble about tomorrow.

posted by dfleming at 12:37 AM on November 28, 2009

Sgt. was implying that Tiger's not going to tell the truth about what he was doing if it would make him look bad. I get the sarcasm, I just don't get the sense of entitlement. What does he owe any of us?

As for the rest of us being gossips, what were you expecting to find in this discussion?

The facts as they trickle out, ideally, along with a follow up and discussion tomorrow once we heard from Tiger.

posted by dfleming at 01:24 AM on November 28, 2009

I don't get how it went from "seriously hurt" to "minor lacerations" to "drifting in and out of consciousness". I've had my share of facial lacerations, but the only ones that ever made me drift in and out of consciousness were administered by fists and they seriously hurt.

Either he's nipping out for groceries (perfectly feasible - I'm told he only sleeps four hours a night in the weeks when he's playing, so perhaps he does that all the time) to try and avoid the unwashed masses and he has one of those "can't believe how badly I just hurt myself at 20 mph" accidents.

or

The rumours we were all gossiping about the other day about him having an affair were true, so he decided he had to come clean with Mrs Woods before the rumours hit the mainstream press. By two in the morning, the discussion has deteriorated somewhat and comes to a end with Elin chasing him out of the house with an 8-iron. He jumps in his car to get away, but he's looking in his rear-view mirror at the enraged Swede chasing him down the drive and crashes into a hydrant/tree. Still in a rage, Elin smashes up the back window of the car, drags him out, lacerates his face, then calls the cops.

I shouldn't drink in the mornings.

posted by JJ at 03:53 AM on November 28, 2009

I get the sarcasm, I just don't get the sense of entitlement.

I don't think there is any sense of entitlement, just a sarcastic/tongue in cheek attempt at humor. Really.

posted by lil_brown_bat at 07:56 AM on November 28, 2009

It was the Wife in the Driveway with the 8 Iron.

Did I win?? Did I, huh huh? I hope I won for once.

posted by Folkways at 08:45 AM on November 28, 2009

I love how it's SERIOUSLY HURT... Oh wait, just a few facial lacerations. Yeah, that sucks, but hardly SERIOUSLY HURT.

He was unconscious for six minutes, according to today's Orlando Sentinel. I think that qualifies as seriously hurt.

posted by rcade at 10:05 AM on November 28, 2009

I don't know that he owes the public, but when you make that kind of money off our interest, you probably do owe somebody a public accounting of your personal conduct in a situation like this.

Tiger has made $1 billion because people want to watch him play golf. That doesn't entitle you to know what happens with his wife and his kids. He owes the police an explanation as to why he crashed his car but he doesn't owe the public an all-access pass to the inner-workings of his domestic relationships.

The *only* reason this is interesting is because of unnamed reports saying he's cheating on his wife. The police say alcohol was a factor, so if it wasn't a fight and simply an accident, would anyone really care at all?

I get that it happens but that doesn't mean that it should and the more people that buy into it, the more powerful it makes tabloids. By getting sucked into the whole realm of speculating based on shoddy evidence gives people like the Enquirer a reason to go to work every day.

posted by dfleming at 10:10 AM on November 28, 2009

Tiger has made $1 billion because people want to watch him play golf.

No, he's made that kind of money because he's an iconic figure who transcends sport, and advertisers want to associate their brand with that kind of fame. Nike's entire golf business was launched on his back.

That doesn't entitle you to know what happens with his wife and his kids.

The you're-not-entitled issue is bogus. Your favorite athlete got into trouble. Millions of people who watch his tournaments and drive his Buicks and use his clubs and drink his energy drink want to know what happened. That does not make us horrible people. Any unwelcome publicity that comes from this weird incident is a consequence of his fame.

posted by rcade at 10:19 AM on November 28, 2009

Yeah, rcade, they're a real pillar of journalistic integrity.

They get it fast, but they also do it sometimes by getting it wrong.

They've been sued by Verne Troyer and Alec Baldwin, although one was for a midget-sex tape and the other for publishing Baldwin's answering machine tapes without his consent. I will be honest and say that I haven't actually kept up with where those lawsuits went.

posted by dfleming at 10:31 AM on November 28, 2009

Nothing beats withering sarcasm when you lack a better point to make.

Being dismissive doesn't hurt either.

I don't understand how providing examples of where they rushed something to light only to find they aren't actually right isn't a point.

I'm not going to argue this into the ground, though. I'm going to wait for whatever comes out from the police and/or any public statements they choose to make.

posted by dfleming at 10:47 AM on November 28, 2009

TMZ has absolutely nobody holding them to any level of accountability for whatever shock rumors they produce. If it's true, they're the ones to get it first, but if it's not, or if Tiger's explanation isn't sufficient to make people think he's not hiding something (which, for most people, is already the case), nobody holds TMZ responsible and some people out there will remember Tiger as a cheater with a crazy, abusive wife who takes painkillers and drives at 2:30am.

Tabloid nonsense sticks.

Why is it so shocking and unimaginable to you that a human being wants to have sex with another human other than their spouse? And when that spouse learns of this, a huge wicked fight ensues? This sort of thing happens in 9 out of ten marriages.

Stop holding famous people to some kind of phony higher standard because they're famous. They're human beings.

posted by JButton at 12:12 PM on November 28, 2009

As of the latest article I can find on the AP wire, Sgt. Kim Montes says "Right now we believe this is a traffic crash," Montes said. "We don't believe it is a domestic issue."

She said the accident report was not issued for 12 hours because it did not meet the criteria of a serious crash, and the FHP only released information because of inquiries from local media.

posted by dfleming at 02:02 PM on November 28, 2009

9 out of 10 marriages have adulterous affairs??? Damn, I hate being the odd man out all of the time.

That being said, no way is this just an innocent traffic accident. People, even famous ones, have car accidents all the time, why try to cover so much up if that's all it is?

The fact that Rachel Uchitel denies anything is almost worthless in my book. What would you expect her to say? She shows up with Tiger halfway around the world? She seems to switch her occupation with every interview she gives...model...hostess...event planner? Not exactly a pillar of integrity.

Does Tiger owe me an explanation? Perhaps not, but he does owe his sponsors and the PGA one. They invest a lot of money on him, and/or make a lot of money off of his reputation, and he makes all of his money off of them. His reputation means a lot, and it will be interesting to see what comes of this. Personally, I wouldn't change my opinion, or likelihood to purchase, of any of the products he endorses just because of this, but image means a lot.

posted by dviking at 02:49 PM on November 28, 2009

She seems to switch her occupation with every interview she gives...model...hostess...event planner? Not exactly a pillar of integrity.

As a computer book author / web publisher / blogger / web application developer / journalist, I don't regard not knowing your own job as a sign of poor integrity.

posted by rcade at 04:01 PM on November 28, 2009

Much better. Thanks, Frazer.

Tiger Woods has now turned state troopers away twice when they showed up at his house to get a statement. That's not a confidence builder.

posted by rcade at 05:47 PM on November 28, 2009

Tiger Woods has now turned state troopers away twice when they showed up at his house to get a statement.

Hey, give Tiger a break. It takes time to come up with a story.

posted by dyams at 07:18 PM on November 28, 2009

One of us "average citizens" absolutely could "simply turn the State Police away" if the reason they wanted to talk to us was because they had suspicions that we might be crime victims. It happens all the time. Mind you, they're more experienced at this than the average cit, and they're good at getting people to talk to them, but if the reason they want to speak to you is because they believe a crime may have been committed against you, and you just say, "I don't want to talk about it," then away is where they will go.

posted by lil_brown_bat at 09:08 PM on November 28, 2009

As you said, rcade:

Tiger Woods has now turned state troopers away twice when they showed up at his house to get a statement.

Emphasis mine.

posted by lil_brown_bat at 10:17 PM on November 28, 2009

Could it possibly be that he really was asleep and the police had a little compassion?

Yeah, but so what either way? He refused to talk to police. No reason given.

I guess I see it this way; I had my house broken into two years ago. I didn't want to make a statement right away and asked to do it later. I doubt I'd get the same treatment if I had've committed the crime. It doesn't sound like they really think a crime has taken place, otherwise they'd probably press a little more.

Eh. I might go with "It doesn't sound like they really think he committed a crime." Not the same thing.

posted by lil_brown_bat at 11:58 PM on November 28, 2009

I can't believe he has let this go on for going on two days. He has the best PR I have ever seen, yet they let this linger. Now it is on every news station if you are flipping around. Surely, they could have come up with a good explanation by now and put this whole thing to rest.

posted by bperk at 09:27 AM on November 29, 2009

That "Kobe special" item is hard to believe. The friend would be instantly recognizable to Tiger Woods because of the nature of the conversation, and he or she would instantly be on his shit list by talking to the press.

Bperk: Not only could Woods have put it to rest, he could've done it on a long holiday weekend when the media was napping. Now he's pushed it into the work week. It's incredibly bad PR for a guy who has been handling himself well in that regard for years. I don't understand this at all.

posted by rcade at 10:43 AM on November 29, 2009

That "Kobe special" item is hard to believe. The friend would be instantly recognizable to Tiger Woods because of the nature of the conversation, and he or she would instantly be on his shit list by talking to the press.

And that's my problem with TMZ. I feel like they're at a gun range with a machine gun, spraying bullets and getting credit for hitting some bullseyes.

That said, Tiger's PR people either know somethings that noone else does or they're handling this extremely badly. I want to stay neutral until I hear something concrete but it's harder the longer this goes on.*

* It's weird that we now live in a world where, on a holiday weekend, a few hours can take you from good to bad PR. The instantaneous news cycle is wild.

posted by dfleming at 01:00 PM on November 29, 2009

Dude, you linked to it
Beat me to it.

So, it goes on for another day, though Tiger did give a statement on his website

This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.

Seriously, this made me laugh. I'm irresponsible? I'm thinking the guy that takes out a fire hydrant at 2:25 AM and then won't talk to the police for days fits the irresponsible tag a tad more. Regardless of whatever marital stress he's experiencing, his behavior that night and since are newsworthy and he misplayed the PR side of this.

posted by dviking at 03:58 PM on November 29, 2009

Seriously, this made me laugh. I'm irresponsible? I'm thinking the guy that takes out a fire hydrant at 2:25 AM and then won't talk to the police for days fits the irresponsible tag a tad more.

Eh. I think you'll have to admit that, while it's not a strong indicator of civic virtue, there's a strong comedic element to the taking out of a fire hydrant that somewhat mitigates the irresponsibility. It's like the guy who committed the assault on the Somerville Baptist Church: sure, he drove like a fool and damaged property, but a bunch of people got a good laugh out of it.

posted by lil_brown_bat at 04:32 PM on November 29, 2009

I guess maybe the preferential treatment is that they haven't gotten the warrant or even tried to press the issue. I may be wrong, but I just think my local police make more of an effort to talk to me if I take out the fire hydrant down the street at 2:25 AM. I sure as hell know that it wouldn't be "they don't think alcohol was involved"...that test would absolutely be performed on me.

posted by dviking at 06:08 PM on November 29, 2009

Fairly detailed summary from NYT

"The troopers went to the house to see if they could speak with" Woods, she said, adding that his "attorney was present" and said the golfer was unavailable for an interview, but the lawyer provided troopers with Woods's "driver's license information, registration and current proof of insurance as required by Florida Law. ..... Woods was not required to speak to the police, The Orlando Sentinel reported. When police officials showed up at the athlete's home in Windermere, Fla., near Orlando, on Friday, his wife Elin told them he was sleeping. On Saturday, Woods's agent, Mark Steinberg, scheduled the interview for Sunday.

"It's unusual, but I will say it's happened before," Sgt. Montes told The Associated Press. "This is not the first time that we've gone back to get a statement from a driver. ... We try and give the driver every opportunity to tell us their side of the story before we complete our investigation."

posted by rumple at 08:14 PM on November 29, 2009

The emergency crew/police took the guy to the hospital. I totally understand not submitting to the test if they come to your door, but in the state I live you can't refuse the test if you're stopped while driving. He was most certainly stopped, not exactly driving, when the police showed up.

I was a passenger in a car that slid off the road late one evening about a year ago. When the police arrived they almost immediately told the driver that they would be conducting sobriety tests. They explained his options, one of which was to refuse the tests, however, they said he would be arrested if he did. He gladly submitted to the test since he hadn't been drinking, but going home and meeting with the authorities in three days wasn't an option.

I'm sure there are differences in the two scenarios, but I do think the average joe is subjected to sobriety tests if he hits a fire hydrant at 2:25 AM. Totally understand the ability to not speak to the police if they show up at your house without a warrant.

posted by dviking at 08:39 PM on November 29, 2009

I guess that's my point...if I hit a fire hydrant at 2:25 AM the police are going to be pretty quick to assume that alcohol is involved, and like the case I just mentioned, they're probably doing the field sobriety tests.

Sure, accidents are not proof of drinking...however, I actually side with the police in that a 2:25 AM one car accident in clear weather, on a road that the driver should be familiar with, probably constitutes sufficient justitication. I'm not a police officer, or an attorney, so I'm probably way off base.

Maybe the police did conduct their field tests, the article you just linked to has more regarding this than prior stories did. I just wonder if they inspected him as closely as someone else might have been.

posted by dviking at 12:34 AM on November 30, 2009

Here's a criminal defense lawyer who says the only reason Tiger Woods is getting away with not talking to police is because of his fame. "You don't get to damage private and public property and then not talk to the police," she writes in a comment.

But I bet that a lot of people get this kind of treatment, as long as they have money and hire lawyers with lots of cops and prosecutors among their buddies.

posted by rcade at 01:14 AM on November 30, 2009

"You don't get to damage private and public property and then not talk to the police," she writes in a comment.

While I agree with the premise, that defense attorney put together a pretty shoddy, speculative argument. It's got spousal abuse, intoxication and obstruction of justice, which I figure if anyone with first hand knowledge of the case had enough to go on, would make the process a lot less voluntary.

There is one legal system for everyone; there are, however, a wide range of defense attorneys who have a wide range of knowledge with regards to its workings. Johnnie Average is to Johnnie Bigbucks what Steve Clubpro is to Tiger; it's not even the same league. If you had the money, you could bypass a lot of the non-mandatory parts of this too; most people either don't or can't hire a high powered attorney for a traffic accident, though, and they don't find this out.

posted by dfleming at 07:47 AM on November 30, 2009

[Although the TMZ reports suggested Woods appeared 'somewhat out of it' at the crash scene and even mentioned his (unsubstantiated) use of 'prescription pain medication'.]

Would this not be related to the fact he was unconscious for 6 minutes? I can't imagine someone being with it after that.

posted by dfleming at 10:39 AM on November 30, 2009

dfleming - absolutely - that edit was from the guy who sends the email, not me. His opening line of the email was good:

"I don't know if anyone heard about this over the weekend, but the world's most famous fire hydrant apparently had a bit of a run-in with little-known golfer Tiger Woods at around 2.25am on Friday morning."

I was almost sure this was all going to be smoothly turned into a non-story - even a humanizing story from which Tiger came out looking better than he did before - by this morning. He's either getting some really bad advice about how to handle it, or ignoring any good advice he's getting, from his media people. A three line "I was going out for daipers" or "I was going out to practice in the dark" followed by "Whilst cranking up the Kings of Leon, I lost control of the vehicle at low speed and had the misfortune to hit a fire hydrant and tree. Sorry about that Florida tax payer, but I'll cover the costs, and can I just say that Buick saved my life today - the tree was in worse shape than the car. Elin bust the window, but only because she panicked. Nothing to see here. Move along thank you."

That takes two days - maybe a week - for the press to get bored with making fun of him. All this "Leave me alone, it's private" stuff is going to have them digging for dirt for years!

posted by JJ at 11:51 AM on November 30, 2009

Maybe it isn't so hard to sweep it under the rug. His wife told people that she broke the window to get him out. Then we have pics of the SUV without any damage to the driver door. It could just be that there is no good explanation, and that the real explanation is personal and messy. So, the option is just to say nothing and decry all attempts at understanding what happened as vicious rumors.

posted by bperk at 02:43 PM on November 30, 2009

His wife told people that she broke the window to get him out.

Here I always thought rescue clubs were only for high-handicappers.

Seriously, though, the way Woods and his handlers have handled this whole incident has been pathetic. I've heard one of the calls, from a neighbor, that seems to say when he (the neighbor) came upon the scene he found Woods lying, practically incoherent (or unconscious). Unless I'm mistaken, this caller doesn't mention anything about Woods' wife being present. I truly believe some of the other accounts to people who happened on the scene will be what sheds more light on what may have happened. But really, why couldn't Woods have spoken to the troopers, gave his statement that he has alluded to in his comment that was issued, and let the rest play out to it's logical conclusion rather than constantly turning these law officials away time after time. All he has succeeded in doing is to cast more doubt about what actually happened and invited more speculation.

Anyone who is still out there who believes this is a fender-bender, plain and simple, would probably have to be a bit naive. Timely cooperation by Woods, whether he was legally required to do so or not, would have gone a long ways towards making his story believable.

Also, I don't go for the sentiment Woods doesn't owe anyone any explanation. Don't go plastering your face everywhere in the world, reaping the financial benefits this attention garners you, then suddenly want everyone to leave you alone when it's regarding something a bit more touchy or unpleasant. You can't have one without the other. Plain and simple, the guy is not like the rest of us, by his own choice.

posted by dyams at 04:39 PM on November 30, 2009

With my sincere apologies to William Blake (1757 - 1827)

Tiger, tiger, not too bright
In the middle of the night,
What did your ever keen eye see
That made you drive into the tree?

What crimson nails did one apply
To scratch you so around the eye?
What anger did you carelessly sow
That made her break your rear window?

Publicity now burning bright
Makes Tiger sleepless in the night.
Perhaps your career would best be thriving
If in the fairway you kept your driving.

posted by Howard_T at 06:06 PM on November 30, 2009

I dunno, I keep getting this "Green Eggs and Ham" sorta meter when I try to read it.

posted by lil_brown_bat at 08:40 AM on December 01, 2009

That's great, Howard. Very funny.

posted by bperk at 10:36 AM on December 01, 2009

very good...who knew there was a poem titled Tiger? (well, besides you of course)

posted by dviking at 07:41 PM on December 01, 2009