October 07, 2006

Dad Names Son 'ESPN': Leann Real promised her husband Rusty, an avid sports fan from D'Iberville, Mississippi, if they ever had a son he could pick the name. Happy birthday, ESPN Montana Real!

posted by rcade to general at 03:15 PM - 38 comments

Before you say anything, keep in mind that I named my oldest Playboy Channel Cadenhead. And the wife sometimes calls me HGTV 'cuz I'm so handy with a tool.

posted by rcade at 03:16 PM on October 07

Well, gracious of her to keep her promise. He can always be called "Ess" "Pen" or use his middle name, so I guess it isn't too bad. I would have gone with ESPN Elway, but that is just me. Named my son after A.J. Foyt.

posted by steelergirl at 03:36 PM on October 07

Actually, said phoenetically, "Espen" is a lot better than some of the stupid-sounding names that are out there now. Oh, and my first son will be named Yo! MTV Raps Frazer.

posted by wfrazerjr at 04:17 PM on October 07

This dad is now leading the field in the 2006 "Get a Life" poster child contest.

posted by ctal1999 at 07:21 PM on October 07

wow that's retarded

posted by SDM at 08:05 PM on October 07

Who is retarted, the mom or dad? I pick both!!

posted by sgtcookzane at 08:12 PM on October 07

when your given first name is Kyril you become somewhat of an expert on stupid names. "ESPN" definately qualifies. In other news father changes name to "Jackass" and mother changes name to "Ambivelant".

posted by kyrilmitch_76 at 08:31 PM on October 07

Safe to say that he won't be picked on!

posted by blackdog1968 at 09:20 PM on October 07

i want to name my next son utah jazz, but now they're no good so too bad...

posted by singlen8tivedude at 09:21 PM on October 07

Ummm... wow? I wonder how quickly the kid will either: 1) Kill his parents. 2) Kill someone who constantly picked on him throughout school 3) Gets his name changed Either way, those ignorant parents shouldn't even get any recognition/ publicity for this stupidity. I just don't see the point in naming your child something so ignorant.

posted by Kendall at 09:38 PM on October 07

That is just stupid. Do parents actually realize how much ridicule these kids with dumb names go through? Getting picked on about you hair is one thing, but your name always sticks with you. This is just ridiculus.

posted by kidrayter2005 at 10:21 PM on October 07

Maybe he was named after this guy.

posted by chicobangs at 12:52 AM on October 08

When ESPN becomes a hardcore pornography channel, he'll be the coolest kid in school. You don't even want to know what the P stands for.

posted by igottheblues at 12:55 AM on October 08

Most of you are over looking a few very important issues. 1. If this guy has a second son, will he in fact be named ESPN II. 2. When the kid gets to be 50 or over, will he be referred to as ESPN classic? 3.If the kid gets a job with ESPN, will he start off sportscenter by saying, "welcome to ESPN, I am ESPN? 4.Last but no least, if the kid's best friend is spanish, will they still call him ESPN, or will he in fact be called ESPN En Espanol?

posted by Bishop at 01:19 AM on October 08

Bishop, He becomes a motion picture director, and when one of his old movies is shown on TV, it will be an ESPN Classic.

posted by Howard_T at 06:30 AM on October 08

This is precisely why I want to name my kids Jack and Emily or Elizabeth. Because THOSE are the rare names - and eventually, I feel strongly that tradition will become 'cool' again. And maybe also because it would be neato for the kid to, you know, make himself or herself special because of how they act as opposed to what they're called. However, I haven't fully ruled out Frisbee Haymaker Lightning Denier.

posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 10:29 AM on October 08

I'm gona name my boy Sue...Johnny would be so proud

posted by rollfastbyu at 10:43 AM on October 08

Is Weedy Junior already taken?

posted by SummersEve at 02:51 PM on October 08

Because of the glorious force known as irony, this dooms the kid to being completely unathletic, thus making him more of a laughingstock than he all ready will be. I sense bitterness ahead for this young man. In a somewhat related note, isn't it ironic that our name sticks with us for our entire lives, yet we have no input into it?

posted by Bonkers at 03:02 PM on October 08

However, I haven't fully ruled out Frisbee Haymaker Lightning Denier. How about Clam Shot McSmokey?

posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 03:16 PM on October 08

1. dont name a boy jack 2 there are like 10 kids in the U.S. that are named ESPN including 2 girls 3 is that ESPN or Espn...the young boy might get into it with his english teacher over that

posted by skippy76 at 04:57 PM on October 08

My sister-in-law is a teacher, and tells me she has had the likes of Lemonjello, Oranjello and (no shit) Placenta in her classes. We wonder why this younger generation is so hard to understand and controll........

posted by wolfdad at 08:15 PM on October 08

I once had a customer named Dick Peters when I worked at (Fedex) Kinko's back in the mid-90's...I wanted to name my son Nolan Ryan as his first and middle name. my wife objected and asked "What if he doesn't like baseball or can't play it" I replied "With THAT name he had better be damn good at baseball AND PITCH !!" TRUE STORIES!!!

posted by astrorocket at 02:16 AM on October 09

Keep it in the Family!!! True story-know a guy that belongs to my Church,last name is "Wood" His parents should have thought twice before naming him "Carver" and he figured since he had to go through all the harrassment in school so should his son, whom he lovingly named "Chip" NO LIE

posted by oh2rooper at 07:50 AM on October 09

they could've named him Mornin'

posted by ajaffe at 07:59 AM on October 09

The fact that he's not even the first person to name his kid ESPN makes him even more of a jackass. My first kid is due to arrive in January. His/her name will be Watermelon Juice in keeping with a family tradition of having the same initials and having to explain why you prefer to be called Steve.

posted by cabuki at 08:18 AM on October 09

One poor girl I went to school with had the last name Massengill. Already enough for eternal teasing, n'est pas? But apparently the parents were smoking quality stuff, as her first and middle names were Summer Eve. Last I heard, she changed it the minute she hit 18.

posted by romakimmy at 08:57 AM on October 09

By and large, these thread comments are about as "retarted" as the parents of young ESPN.

posted by Venicemenace at 11:15 AM on October 09

We wonder why this younger generation is so hard to understand and controll........ Ah-ha, all that time wasted on sociology and psychology (or scientology if you're hollywood) when really all of society's ills are caused by young people with funny names. Look out, the next kid named something to the effect of Notre Dame Johnson could end up a murderous postman or garbage collector.

posted by gradys_kitchen at 11:36 AM on October 09

You don't even want to know what the P stands for. That's easy: Pavaratzi

posted by smithnyiu at 12:17 PM on October 09

There's a urologist in my town called Dr. Dick Tapper. No joke. My first child is due in June. So far Gandalf is the frontrunner for a boy. Haven't told my wife yet.

posted by kjonsson22 at 12:44 PM on October 09

If all of us could have our first comment include the phrase, "Dr. Dick Tapper" we'd be a lot better off as a group.

posted by jerseygirl at 12:53 PM on October 09

kjonsson, no hurry in telling your wife. Nor, for that matter, the kid. Wait until, say, he's out of high school, and even then break it to him gently.

posted by chicobangs at 01:20 PM on October 09

kjonsson, no hurry in telling your wife. Nor, for that matter, the kid. Wait until, say, he's out of high school, and even then break it to him gently. One would surmise Mr and Mrs Hunter did the same for Torii ...

posted by smithnyiu at 01:52 PM on October 09

kjonsson-I too am from Toledo, and know Dr. Tapper-forgot about him

posted by oh2rooper at 03:27 PM on October 09

the likes of Lemonjello, Oranjello Spelled Orange Jell-O and Limon Jell-O. 1976 was the first time I heard that one. Kinda like the woman who named her son Nonsmoking saying it was a sign from God during delivery. There was a sign in the matunity ward that flashed No Smoking, That being said, I did go to school with girl named Lady Wilkinson and a young man named Mister Stanley. Last of all I had a good friend named Kelvin Terry who's sister name is Mary. She in turn married a man named Drew Dairyberry. Hence making her married name Mary Terry Dairyberry. I myself wanted to name my first-born son Woodrow Arlo my but my wife would have none of it. So he is Christopher Ian as in Robins and anderson

posted by Folkways at 03:52 PM on October 09

When I was kid, we had a cat named Kitty.

posted by SummersEve at 05:21 AM on October 10

My real first name is Lifetime. It's that name that helped to make me strong. I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn, point of fact.

posted by BullpenPro at 08:40 AM on October 10

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