June 01, 2006

How to Buy a Rocket:

On days Roger pitches, all his teammates will change their names to ones that begin with the letter K.

Roger is required only to pitch at home, which is defined as the backyard of his house.

Roger also reserves the right to go into Minute Maid Park wearing a Yankees cap...

posted by justgary to baseball at 02:17 PM - 15 comments

RogerFilter! The article was funny.

posted by qbert72 at 02:37 PM on June 01

I needed a good laugh today, thanks gary, justgary.

posted by HATER 187 at 02:42 PM on June 01

Roger will be paid his weight in gold bullion and sapphires. Now we're talking.

posted by everett at 02:42 PM on June 01

Now that his 50 game suspension is done he can finally get back to pitching. Oh, you didn't know about the failed drug test? AAAHHH, These are not the droids you are looking for. You may go.

posted by seansterps at 03:48 PM on June 01

Now that his 50 game suspension is done he can finally get back to pitching. Oh, you didn't know about the failed drug test? Yes, I've heard about that seriously flawed rumour.

posted by grum@work at 03:53 PM on June 01

That might just be the funniest thing I've seen on ESPN.com since the Good Doctor checked out.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 04:42 PM on June 01


posted by mr_crash_davis at 04:48 PM on June 01

Do you suppose that the commissioner would keep it a secret from all of the other teams and let them attempt to negotiate with Clemens, only to pull the rug out from under them at the last moment if they came close to signing a deal? It stops being a secret if too many people know about it.

posted by seansterps at 04:57 PM on June 01

I know he is good but come on is he that good? No one player should have that many perks. If there are going to pay him to play then he should just play like the rest of the team and stop with the madness.

posted by PGHTOS at 05:41 PM on June 01

The Astros will fly in Anna Benson for Roger's scheduled starts so she can flash her breasts for luck when he leaves the bulllpen. Utter hilarity.

posted by GoBirds at 06:04 PM on June 01

no GoBirds, that's udder hilarity.

posted by irunfromclones at 06:55 PM on June 01

"Nuff said. SWEET work, if you can get it...

posted by wolfdad at 08:31 PM on June 01

I'm with you mr_crash_davis, I kept waiting to get to the bottom of the page and see Skip Bailess' name there.

posted by jojomfd1 at 11:42 PM on June 01

That was the funniest thing I've seen on here in a while. What a great article. I've said in other posts that Clemens is arguably the most arrogant athlete in all of sports. This article plays to that completely. I love the part that he gets to switch teams each inning based on who's winning the game. Absolutely priceless.

posted by donnnnychris at 05:37 AM on June 02

No, seansterps, you mean these are not the roids you're looking for. I'll get my coat.

posted by Mr Bismarck at 06:50 AM on June 02

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