April 27, 2006

Harry Potter and a gobbed jet of ire : - Marina Hyde in the Guardian asks "is quidditch the worst fake sport ever?" Apparently, in the US, you have your own version (typical). What's your favourite fictional sport?

posted by JJ to other at 09:10 AM - 37 comments

Hard to argue with Calvinball.

posted by yerfatma at 09:21 AM on April 27, 2006

Tegwar. Definitely Tegwar. Although, I'm not sure it counts, because I've actually played it, calling into question its "fictionality." It is one of the best and certainly funniest parts of "Bang The Drum Slowly" -- a great book, and a good movie (except for that awful song).

posted by BullpenPro at 09:29 AM on April 27, 2006

Amen, any sport that can end with a score of q to 12 is fucking awesome in my book. Worst fake sport- Pod Racing, Fuck you George Lucas.

posted by HATER 187 at 09:29 AM on April 27, 2006

The worst fake sport can be found at Pride Park, Derbyshire, every second Saturday afternoon from August to May. Kick off at 3 pm, plenty of seats available.

posted by owlhouse at 09:39 AM on April 27, 2006


posted by the red terror at 09:48 AM on April 27, 2006

I checked that wiki entry for the category Quidditch. It made no mention of what I would consider Rowling's rather obvious influence of- and allusion to Thomas Hughes' classic novel Tom Brown's Schooldays.

posted by the red terror at 09:58 AM on April 27, 2006

I always liked Blernsball. Imagine hitting a ball attached to a bungee cord. Surely nothing bad could happen if one of us tried it at home.

posted by njsk8r20 at 10:05 AM on April 27, 2006

Professional wrestling masquerades as a sport but is, in reality, a stage scripted show for stunt men and women.

posted by ancientfan at 10:49 AM on April 27, 2006

Calvinball is the one...yerfatma nailed it

posted by vito90 at 11:00 AM on April 27, 2006


posted by goddam at 11:01 AM on April 27, 2006

Triad, even though no one seems to know the rules.

posted by tselson at 11:04 AM on April 27, 2006

Calvinball is fantastic. I also like how every other "organized" sport that Calvin and Hobbes play turns into some form of Calvinball. One of my favorites is when the two are playing football on the same team, and when Hobbes is about to score, Calvin tackles him from behind to score the touchdown himself. The strip ends with the two of them facing off against eachother. Classic.

posted by sublime4390116 at 11:05 AM on April 27, 2006

In late breaking Farnarkling news: In a shock decision by the International Farnarkling Board, the Dutch Farnarkling team have been disqualified from playing in the 1999 World Series for using a non-regulation Furby during practice. Spies sent from the Dominican Republic revealed that they had obtained the illegal Furby from a Zulu pict during Hogmanay in Abergavenny, and was thus two kilos under weight. This allowed the Dutch team to avoid passing while during knip, as the Furby could safely be bounced along the ground at a rate not equal to the speed of mud.

posted by owlhouse at 11:21 AM on April 27, 2006

It can only be 43-Man Squamish: http://www.collectmad.com/madcoversite/index-quiz_olympics.html

posted by ajaffe at 11:38 AM on April 27, 2006

Pro Thunderball. The most extreme of the fake sports.

posted by chris2sy at 11:54 AM on April 27, 2006

Calvinball, how many imaginary tigers are there to play with?? The greatest, no doubt.

posted by steelergirl at 12:39 PM on April 27, 2006

Cripple Mister Onion

posted by Drood at 12:49 PM on April 27, 2006

I guess this isn't really a fake sport, but it may qualify for the world's worst fake sport (or perhaps the best). My older brothers and their friends invented a winter sport called menular (pronounced men-yoo-larr), which is played with snowbanks and your dad's car. The idea is to hit the snowbank, blammo, and then immediately drive away. The more you scatter the snowbank all over creation and make a big mess, the more points you get. Minus points if you hit a fire hydrant, rip something vital off the underside of dad's car, or get hung up in the snowbank. Big minus points if the person who just shoveled out their driveway to make the snowbank is still standing there. My mom used to give me hell for playing on snowbanks when I was a little kid, and I never understood why until years later, when my brothers initiated me into the world of menular.

posted by lil_brown_bat at 12:54 PM on April 27, 2006

Does The Running Man count as a sport? Fireball as created by Joey and Chandler on Friends had potential too.

posted by YukonGold at 01:06 PM on April 27, 2006

I'd have to vote for BASEketball myself. Anything that can get Bob Costas referencing his own nipples must be pretty powerful. Oh, and some rules for Triad appear here.

posted by wfrazerjr at 01:30 PM on April 27, 2006

Hey Bullpenpro, Tegwar's the greatest, and that movie, damn, just hollows you out. It's my favorite baseball movie, I think, because it's so low-keyed and subtle. That's the first fake game I thought of, too.

posted by Hugh Janus at 01:54 PM on April 27, 2006

Roller derby + handball + hovering skateboards + a ball that electrifies you if you hold it too long = Futuresport Ride the lightning, dude!!

posted by smithers at 02:24 PM on April 27, 2006

Armchair GM.

posted by jerseygirl at 02:38 PM on April 27, 2006

One sec while I transfigure Marina Hyde into a bludger.

posted by irunfromclones at 02:52 PM on April 27, 2006

Crosscourts. You'll have to find and watch "The Whoopee Boys" to understand.

posted by mr_crash_davis at 02:54 PM on April 27, 2006

Definitely Blernsball. At Madison Cube Garden:

Fry: Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of this game. The blerns are loaded, the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect, right? Leela: Except for the word "blern" that was complete gibberish. [Something beeps. The blernsball falls into a hole and "Ball Locked" flashes on large screens. Machines come up in the pitch and the crowd cheers.] Man: Multi-ball! [Another machine comes up.] Multi-ball! [The game turns into a pinball game with balls flying everywhere. The batter tries in vain to hit the many balls flying at him.] Blern! Blern! [Another player rides a hover-cycle around the pitch with the bases exploding behind him. A bullpen opens and someone comes out riding a large spider. Fry scratches his head in confusion. Leela writes on her score card.] Leela: Alright! Yes! Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns! Farnsworth: He's good, alright. But he's no Clem Johnson. And Johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory. Bender: Clem Johnson? That skin bag wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old Robot Leagues! Now Wireless Joe Jackson, there was a blern-hitting machine! Leela: Exactly! He was a machine designed to hit blerns! I mean, come on, Wireless Joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels. Bender: Oh, and I suppose Pitchomat 5000 was just a modified howitzer? Leela: Yep.

posted by mkn at 03:01 PM on April 27, 2006

Calvinball. Actually, anything that is from Calvin and Hobbes is declared immediately to be the winner of anything. I don't even know what we're talking about, and I'm sure I'm right.... That happens a lot.

posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 03:32 PM on April 27, 2006

Also, I can't remember the name and it is pretty obscure, but in Sliders they once played a game that was a cross between basketball and a trivia show.

posted by mkn at 04:47 PM on April 27, 2006

mkn, great call on blernsball. Almost makes up for name-checking a Jerry O'Connell vehicle. But not quite.

posted by yerfatma at 05:25 PM on April 27, 2006

How's about 'Shirling' http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=shirling (edit: actually, the link describes it as 'biting'; but if you saw the skit, the snake was a cobra, and spat on the unfortunate player(s))

posted by hoverbike at 05:42 PM on April 27, 2006

How about any of the games from Tron? Grid Bugs, Light Cycles, Battle Tanks and my favorite... Discs of Tron. Also cool because teh 1337s are called users. Wizard's chess from Harry Potter is pretty killer... I'm from Bakersfield, CA so Running Man (He was the Butcher of Bakersfield) is up there for me. Funny Arnold is now governator of CA. and finally... The XFL.

posted by robbx213 at 06:10 PM on April 27, 2006

Golf, cheerleading, squash, tiddlywinks, dominoes......oops we said imaginary sports, not non-sports oh, and mullet tossing (ok, let this comment get deleted, call in the S-Team, I am hereby turning myself in to custody, and this comment can get deleted at the Pantheon's convenience)

posted by elovrich at 07:20 PM on April 27, 2006

Ferret Legging

posted by ajaffe at 10:54 PM on April 27, 2006

Bog snorkelling. Although I believe some crazy Welshmen actually do it.

posted by owlhouse at 06:40 AM on April 28, 2006

Snipe hunting

posted by mjkredliner at 07:52 AM on April 28, 2006

I was ready to go with Calvinball in a runaway until goddam mentioned Rollerball. It's just got such a post-apocalypic cache to it that C & H only mustered in the "Spaceman Spliff" incarnation. Jonathon...Jonathon...Jonathon And then Kathy Bates hobbles him.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 12:10 PM on April 29, 2006

Oh, I can't believe I missed this. Let me add Fizzball.

posted by Joey Michaels at 07:34 PM on May 02, 2006

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