November 07, 2005

Clinton Portis as Dr. I Don't Know.: Cry for help or performance art at its finest?

posted by panoptican to football at 04:00 PM - 20 comments

Personally, he's my new favorite player.

posted by panoptican at 04:01 PM on November 07, 2005

ha, who knew? I guess you're in the DC market. That's a great story, or history of stories I guess.

posted by xmutex at 04:21 PM on November 07, 2005

That is the kind of colorful player that makes the game more fun, as opposed to the kind of colorful player that makes you want to walk slowly away from game, backwards, one eye trained on his feet lest he lunge at you.

posted by Joey Michaels at 04:38 PM on November 07, 2005

one eye trained on his feet lest he lunge at you. Watch his hips or you'll get juked out.

posted by tron7 at 04:44 PM on November 07, 2005

Portis has a history of saying and doing hilarious things. To wit: "If y'all see me in the news, and I make the news for something that I ain't got no business making it for, don't bash me. Say it was a young guy living."

posted by holden at 05:02 PM on November 07, 2005

Clinton Portis isn't worthy to wash Bootsy Collins' jock!

posted by lil_brown_bat at 06:04 PM on November 07, 2005

Bootsy Collins' jock? I'm thinking lycra, with a mink lined gusset, white sequins with black studded straps. Aqua boogie.

posted by owlhouse at 06:21 PM on November 07, 2005

Sounds like he's got a sense of humor or he's taken some really heavy hits to the head. But I like him alot more now!

posted by fenriq at 01:48 AM on November 08, 2005

Is it just me ... or did Jerome look like some kind of genetics experiment featuring Elton John and Batman?

posted by MAYANKEE at 07:11 AM on November 08, 2005

I'm glad. I'm from Frisco and he played us and acted like a BEE-EYE. Feel me. For all the Caucasions in the room, that means he acted like a BITCH. And if your White and still like him, I know from first hand that he is prejudice and don't like white people. He has a cousin who dates and has a child by a white man and he is not afraid and does verbelize his dissatifaction to say the least on the matter. Basically he cries too much, which is probably gonna end up hurting his carrer, as well as souring his chances to be the the greatest let alone in the HALL. You want to know what the greatest or a true champion looks like just look at our JERRY RICE, you didn't see him doing that shit, even when he had to go through two different Q-Backs on one team. What did he do? He just made it so they would go to the hall just like him. Out

posted by Glacier at 09:08 AM on November 08, 2005

Are you talkin bout TO? This thread's about clinton portis.

posted by tron7 at 09:44 AM on November 08, 2005

Glacier, I think you shot and threw up a brick. The TO's a wanker thread is one up. I was about to feel bad for liking Portis when you said he doesn't like white folks but then I realized you were slapping on TO. Good because I still like Portis. Anyone with a sense of humor is way better than an egotistical blowhard like Owens.

posted by fenriq at 01:10 PM on November 08, 2005

Glacier, Your post is hard to read and understand. Are you saying that you don't like Portis because he dosen't like white people? What's that have to do with this bulletin board topic? Also, Both Montana and Young would have made the HOF with or without Rice. And it was you "Frisco" guys that chased Jerry across the bay to Oakland.

posted by Termite at 04:23 PM on November 08, 2005

Bootsy Collins is a Bengals fan... See his recent hit "Fear the Tigers". Clinton Portis went to my HS and even wore my number on the HS football team. (Not out of respect, it was just available.) I personally think this is just the thing for a media who asks silly questions to get silly answers.

posted by LostInDaJungle at 04:47 PM on November 08, 2005

here's the link to the Bootsy song mentioned above.

posted by goddam at 09:21 PM on November 08, 2005

While a fair amount of former players go on to television careers, Portis is the first I've seen who seems likely to go on to a career on public-access cable (and I mean that as a good thing, as anyone who knows anything about my TV-viewing habits will confirm).

posted by ajaffe at 07:35 AM on November 09, 2005

ajaffe, there's a new Peewee Herman movie in the works and they should call Portis for a cameo at least!

posted by billsaysthis at 03:38 PM on November 09, 2005

there's no basement at texas stadium! (well, there probably is, but...)

posted by ajaffe at 03:49 PM on November 09, 2005

He ain't done yet.

posted by yerfatma at 10:42 PM on November 11, 2005

As a Dolphins fan, all I can say is, just be happy he dresses up like a crazy person and incurs uniform fines. At least he didn't fucking desert you before training camp to go knock back bonghits.Skins fans, you got it easy.

posted by The_Black_Hand at 12:20 AM on November 12, 2005

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