October 14, 2005

Jaguars Cheerleader Escaped Murder Plot: Three men in Jacksonville allegedly plotted to kidnap, rape and murder Robyn Russell, a cheerleader for the Jaguars. After she caught them attempting to break in through a window, one man was shot and killed by police after fleeing into the ocean and aiming a gun at an officer.

posted by rcade to football at 12:54 PM - 24 comments

Um...Whiskey Tango Foxtrot...over...

posted by MeatSaber at 01:13 PM on October 14, 2005


posted by zippinglou at 01:15 PM on October 14, 2005

WOW - took all three of em to screw that up huh? Three guys against ONE LITTLE CHEERLEADER.....GOOD FOR HER - glad she is safe!!! Which one got shot? Was it Moe, Larry or Schemp? (Curly was much too cool for that nonsense)

posted by sinisterfoot at 01:20 PM on October 14, 2005

did I see "scooby" and "shaggy" as nick-names? Wow thats classy..... I am glad the young lady is safe!

posted by daddisamm at 01:24 PM on October 14, 2005

There must be a lot of traffic on the Jags' web site ... it's moving as slowly as Jerome Bettis through a buffet line! /ha! And fled into the ocean?!? Where was he making a break for -- Gibraltar?

posted by wfrazerjr at 01:30 PM on October 14, 2005

Wow, what a trio of tough guys. Good for her! Part of me would like to see the Jaguars players punish these morons. I'd like to see a pic of her but I gave up on the Jaguars site, it was molasses in January in Vermont slow.

posted by fenriq at 01:31 PM on October 14, 2005

posted by rcade at 01:44 PM on October 14, 2005

Lesson of the day: Friends don't let friends swim in the ocean and shoot guns.

posted by worldcup2002 at 01:47 PM on October 14, 2005

I know its bad, but after reading: ""She caught them trying to break in," Sembach said. "She heard it, saw this hand wriggling in...Russell began slapping at the hand and the man took off," and the part about "Scooby" and "Shaggy," I thought: was the sequel to Fargo going to be called Jacksonville?

posted by chris2sy at 02:03 PM on October 14, 2005

Please let the kidnappers be working for a corrupt state senator who is being hounded by the cheerleader's renegade ex-cop boyfriend so I can save on the cost of the next Carl Hiaasen novel.

posted by liam at 02:06 PM on October 14, 2005

Note to self when trying to kidnap someone. If they do not answer the door break in through the air conditioner? I may have watched too many movies, but I thought you were suppose to break a small window by the door, or pick a lock. Could you imagine all the stupid stuff they would have done by the time they got to Miami?

posted by Turbo at 03:23 PM on October 14, 2005

This is probably going to sound hopelessly naive of me, but I am absolutely sickened reading this article. I guess I know that there are people out there who think nothing of raping and murdering somebody, but to think that these guys had planned this out - and planned it out primarily as sort of a fringe benefit to stealing and selling her car - makes me literally sick to my stomach. Seriously, what the hell, man? How does one become the kind of person who thinks that this would be a good thing to do? Not to engage in hyperbole, but these guys are the face of evil. And, of course, the face of utter stupidity.

posted by Joey Michaels at 03:43 PM on October 14, 2005

Probably Raider fans.

posted by Desert Dog at 03:52 PM on October 14, 2005

Hannibal Lecter said it best: "We begin by coveting what we see every day." Since this guy sometimes stayed in the apartment above her, he figures they should kill her rather than chancing getting ID'd. Over a car? That is just pure evil.

posted by usfbull at 04:43 PM on October 14, 2005

usfbull, But it was a reallllllly nice car. I love the Hannibal quote, man I've gotta see that movie again. Yeah, no justification for what these three tough guys tried to pull. The dead one got off easy. Joey Michaels, are they the Evil Face of Stupidity or Stupidity's Evil Face? I'd think they're more Stupidity's Evil Face since they were so incredibly stupid in their attempt. I wonder what would have happened if she'd been dating a linebacker who happened to stay over that night?

posted by fenriq at 05:12 PM on October 14, 2005

I suspect their stupidity and their evilness operate independently of each other - but each serves to reinforce the other. Are they evil because they are stupid? Are they stupid because they are evil? No, they are both stupid and evil. Also, the one guy pictured has a bad haircut. And they give The Scooby Gang a bad name.

posted by Joey Michaels at 05:19 PM on October 14, 2005

How about Stupidity's Dumber Younger Brother's Evil Face?

posted by lil_brown_bat at 05:47 PM on October 14, 2005

I'm going to make a wild guess here that meth may have had a role in their decision-making process. Keep in mind that one of the trio fled police by running into the ocean.

posted by rcade at 06:32 PM on October 14, 2005

I am just glad that such a beutiful young lady escaped un-harmed.

posted by free bird at 06:52 PM on October 14, 2005

so I can save on the cost of the next Carl Hiaasen novel. That was brilliant. As opposed to the Caril Hiaasen formula.

posted by yerfatma at 08:57 PM on October 14, 2005

This is truly disturbing. All this over a car. It's a CAR, people, a car. The whole Scooby and Shaggy thing is pretty weird, too. Something isn't totally right with these guys...Oh well, I'm glad she's ok.

posted by ohiodonnell at 10:23 PM on October 14, 2005

fled police by running into the ocean. Maybe that is why it made me think of Fargo? After the woodchipper scene where the one guy flees out on to the lake on the ice and gets popped.

posted by chris2sy at 10:24 PM on October 14, 2005

rcade, this is your neck of the woods, what's the local reaction or comments from people who know this magoos?

posted by billsaysthis at 11:52 PM on October 14, 2005

The local reaction is best summed up by Velociman, our most profane Jacksonville blogger:

A local dumbass was shot and killed by the police as he stood in the surf at Jacksonville Beach, brandishing a pistol. Upon questioning his 2 roommates, one of them admitted they were planning on kidnapping the Jaguars cheerleader who lived below them, raping her, killing her, stuffing her body into her car, driving to Miami, dumping the body, and selling the car. He fucking copped to that! I don't care how much evidence is strewn about the apartment, what part of keep your fucking mouth shut did this idiot not understand? The most they could have been busted for was intent to kidnap. Now they're looking at attempted murder and about 50 other charges. Too bad the cops couldn't have just shot the lot of 'em.
This crime trio was Dumb and Dumber and Dumbest.

posted by rcade at 10:50 AM on October 15, 2005

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