February 22, 2019

Warrant issued for Patriots owner Robert Kraft for soliciting prostitution in Florida: Patriots owner Robert Kraft allegedly visited a massage parlor/human trafficking/prostitution establishment in Jupiter, Florida. A warrant has been issued for his arrest.

posted by tahoemoj to football at 12:26 PM - 18 comments

You just won the Super Bowl again, where are you going next? ROFL

posted by billsaysthis at 12:30 PM on February 22, 2019

A friend of mine gave the quote of the day:

And now I'm torn between my support for sex workers & the decriminalization of sex work, my staunch opposition to shaming seniors for continuing to want lives full of passion.... and my loathing of the Robert Kraft.

posted by NoMich at 12:42 PM on February 22, 2019

The Super Bowl wasn't the only thing that had a happy ending for the Patriots owner...

posted by grum@work at 12:46 PM on February 22, 2019

I would genuinely expect a man of Kraft's means to retain a stable of $1,000-an-hour escorts, and not pay $79 for a happy ending from some poor victim of human trafficking in a strip mall in Florida. But I guess I'll never quite be able to see through the eyes of the obscenely rich. Do you reckon he got a little bit extra stiff knowing that the girl who was stretching his wrinkled old coin purse was essentially enslaved? I suspect yes.

posted by tahoemoj at 01:10 PM on February 22, 2019

Is this InflateGate or DeflateGate?

posted by tommybiden at 01:39 PM on February 22, 2019

NoMich I am with you. Ever since his wife died . . . I don't want to judge, but the long hair, the stupid sneaker affectation and the endless supply of young blond arm attachments have been incredibly tacky. Plus he and Tom Brokaw are the only people left rocking those stupid white cuffs and no one has the decency to tell him.

On the plus side, I have a refreshing answer to my constant question of "Is that young woman actually having to look at him naked?"

posted by yerfatma at 01:39 PM on February 22, 2019

Jeez, I can't even go to the lunch counter for a few minutes without some major shit happening. The Onion is considering shutting down for the rest of the day 'cause they can't touch this.

My phone is pinging with news updates more frantically than at any time since Kavanaugh was confirmed.

Gonna need to calibrate this thing on SpoFi's official Tebow-Sandusky Comment Meter

This incident won't matter to Goodell. Every structure in Jupiter FL is single story, so there were no elevators involved.

That strip mall is just 20 miles north of Mar-A-Lago, where Kraft is a member, and where the boss has said on the record that anything goes. Limos with tinted windows and private villas with fresh linens available 24/7 and Kraft goes to a storefront up near a tropical fish joint.

I have to admit I never thought I'd see the day where Kraft would be on the phone to Meek Mill asking him for legal advice.

Suddenly the things about Jonathan Kraft that made people wonder whether or not he could ever follow in his father's footsteps are looking more like desirable attributes.

posted by beaverboard at 02:20 PM on February 22, 2019

From a friend just now....He (Kraft) claims he's innocent-says that it was actually Tom Brady who deflated his balls.

Personally, I don't think there's any truth to the rumour that Bob asked the young lady to 'finish" him The Patriot Way.

posted by tommybiden at 02:22 PM on February 22, 2019

Adam Schechter says Kraft isn't the biggest name ensnared in this.

If Kraft was a player the criminality and disgrace of this would bring a huge and rapid punishment from Goodell.

posted by rcade at 02:30 PM on February 22, 2019

SNL is considering ditching scheduled host Claire Foy and all planned sketch concepts and bringing in a new guest host to head up an all-Kraft special.

Viewers will be able to vote for one of the following possible hosts:

1) Gilbert Gottfried
2) Danny DeVito
3) Rick Moranis
4) Richard Dreyfus

posted by beaverboard at 02:39 PM on February 22, 2019

Danny DeVito. Didn't even read the question and I know that the answer is Danny DeVito. The answer is always Danny DeVito.

Who is the funniest guy on TV? Danny DeVito.

Who is the rudest guy on TV? Danny DeVito.

Who is the Zodiac Killer? Danny DeVito.

Who is DB Cooper? Danny DeVito.

posted by NoMich at 03:26 PM on February 22, 2019

My head is spinning at this. I have too many things to consider, but I have to contribute a couple of thoughts.

Kraft is 77; I will be 78 in April. If Kraft is still fully functional in the area in question, my hat is off to him. Maybe he's found a decent supplier of testosterone supplements, or maybe he's just fortunate, but if he still has it going on, more power to him. For myself it's a case of "them days are gone forever".

After the death of his wife, there was probably a NYC telephone directory full of women who were trying to figure out how to get into a position to get next to Kraft's wallet. I'm sure that the attractive ladies who regularly appeared on his arm had ideas. My wager is that Kraft is too smart to take any of them to bed. A roll in the hay would have cost a sizable roll of Benjamins had he yielded to temptation.

So why do you end up getting a quickie finish in a cheap massage parlor? He might have thought that there was less likelihood of detection and no long term involvement. The State of Florida doesn't make its law enforcement plans public, so one doesn't expect to be the costar in a reality porn flick. (There's a great story about a "Love Hotel" in Japan that video taped its customers and sold the tapes to others, but that's entirely different.)

Kraft has denied the whole thing. It's way too easy for everyone to jump all over it. Becoming a laughingstock, the butt of many jokes, and the target of feminists everywhere is inevitable. So now, even if the charges prove to be untrue, perhaps a case of mistaken identity, the mud will stick. I believe that no matter what happens it's time for Robert Kraft to move out of the spotlight and off of the stage. His son Johnathan is the titular head of the team. The elder Kraft must be completely behind the scenes. It will hurt him deeply to be away from the thing he most loves, but life has a way of making us pay for our pleasures.

posted by Howard_T at 03:50 PM on February 22, 2019

Kudos to the police in Jupiter for not being "enticed to ignore" Kraft's involvement.

Waiting for Trump to first offer Kraft full support then pardon him and place the blame entirely on the poor girls (?guys) being trafficked here.

Kraft has denied the whole thing
cue the highly compensated character witnesses and scientific team to "back up his position"

posted by cixelsyd at 03:58 PM on February 22, 2019

Maybe he's found a decent supplier of testosterone supplements

Suddenly, Alex Guerrero's welcome presence at Patriots camp gets slightly clearer.

It will hurt him deeply to be away from the thing he most loves

I'm sure he can find another strip mall massage parlor to get a quick rub n' tug.

Oh...the football. Right, yeah. Heartbreaking.

posted by tahoemoj at 05:54 PM on February 22, 2019

Not sure what headlines the NY tabloids are working on for this most juicy gift from the gods.

Tailgate? Elongate? Frigate? Peking Duck Boat Ride?

They will be hard pressed to top the recent NY Post gem: "Bezos Exposes Pecker"

posted by beaverboard at 07:51 PM on February 22, 2019

Tailgate? Elongate? Frigate? Peking Duck Boat Ride?

Depending upon the act involved, could it be masturgate?

posted by Howard_T at 02:14 PM on February 23, 2019

Oof. Just read the conditions that the women worked under at that 'salon.' They were never allowed to leave the premises, they slept on the massage tables, cooked their dinners on a cookstove on the back steps, and they each serviced ~1500 guys a year.

posted by NoMich at 07:15 PM on February 23, 2019

The State of Florida doesn't make its law enforcement plans public, so one doesn't expect to be the costar in a reality porn flick.

There are enough crackdowns here on AMPs and prostitution that he would have known if he bothered to look. You can't see one of these places and not think it's sketchy as hell.

posted by rcade at 05:01 PM on February 24, 2019

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