July 10, 2003

Pittsburgh Pirate Assaults Sausage: Yes, you read that right, but it might not be what you think. (What were you thinking, you perve?)

You know the mascot races in Milwaukee? They're people in big, foam sausage suits? Yeah, those. A professional baseball player actually hit one of them with a bat Wednesday night. Tell me: WHY??? I gotta see this on video.

(Seriously, I hope the young woman will be well soon, and able to run/walk in the Sausage 5k Race)

posted by msacheson to baseball at 03:02 AM - 18 comments

I think Reggie Sanders' comment sums it all up. "It's very strange -- live and learn. Unfortunately, that's what life is all about," said teammate Reggie Sanders. Yes Reggie, life is all about hitting people with bats, and then learning that it's not a nice thing to do. Keep your mouth shut, and maybe you won't be on your 6th team in 6 years.

posted by usfbull at 06:38 AM on July 10, 2003

A quote from another report:

The female employee, who was identified by a club official only as Mandy, crumpled to the warning track in front of the dugout and another racer, a 21-year-old woman identified by a club official as Veronica, tripped over her and fell to the ground as well. After several seconds, Veronica helped Mandy to her feet and the two finished the race and exited the field.
Justice for Mandy!

posted by rcade at 07:00 AM on July 10, 2003

If you have Real Player, you can watch it here. (I don't, so I can't.)

posted by grum@work at 07:19 AM on July 10, 2003

This pr*** should be sent to County Jail for this crap, so he can get introduced to a new type of sausage. Especially if he were to drop the soap in the shower!

posted by jasonbondshow at 07:59 AM on July 10, 2003

Sigh ... why do I have to keep reading about these weiners?

posted by wfrazerjr at 08:16 AM on July 10, 2003

After watching the video, the prank reads much worse than it looked. Simon tapped the top of Mandy the Sausage's suit, well above her head, which knocked her over. Of course, a person who swings a bat in the commission of a prank deserves to be known for the rest of his career as an abuser of meat.

posted by rcade at 09:10 AM on July 10, 2003

I realize that this is a pretty terrible thing to do, and I'm glad no one was hurt. Having said that, I can't stop watching that video clip and smiling. There's something very, very entertaining about a giant sausage being bonked in the melon with a baseball bat. The other sausage falling on top of her is just gravy.

posted by Samsonov14 at 09:46 AM on July 10, 2003

It's also on ESPN motion right now. More proof that pro athletes are assholes.

posted by insomnyuk at 11:43 AM on July 10, 2003

Actually, it's more proof that people are assholes. Pro athletes are just a more visible subset of the group. I'm surprised the "meat beating" incident is getting more play than the explosives tossing incident.

posted by grum@work at 12:16 PM on July 10, 2003

The sausage racers are one of the coolest ballpark attractions, IMO. I had a co-worker who went on a baseball tour of Chicago and Milwakee seeing five games in six days (which sounds like utter hell to me, but to each his own). They got pictures and figurines of each of the sausage racers and he's got SR #4 (the hot dog) sitting on his computer right now. To me this sounds more like something juvenile that seemed like a good idea at the time but came back to bite this player in the ass in a big way. I did a lot of stupid stuff like this when I was younger. Then again, I was an adolescent, not a major leaguer. He had better issue one hell of an apology.

posted by Ufez Jones at 12:17 PM on July 10, 2003

"Rick Schlessinger, Brewers' executive vice president for business operations, called Simon's conduct "one of the most outrageous things I've ever seen inside a ballpark or outside a ballpark. It sickened me to see it." It sickened Rick. Simon was handcuffed and hauled off. It's an outrage! Jasonbondshow wants him to go to jail and get sausaged. Are you people serious? He made a joke. A bad one, but a joke. He had a lapse in judgement that caused... wait for it... scrapes. And that's as bad as it could have possibly been. He didn't fling throwing knives at this woman or fire mace into her eyes, he bonked her on the head in a playful manner. Is he an idiot for thinking this was a good idea? Yep. Does he deserve criminal status, jailtime or anything more than the label "moron"? No way. Give the young woman a bat, a coupon for a hot dog and a band-aid. Give Simon a "F" for his bad judgement and sentence him to play out the year with the Pirates. ... And for the love of God, Rick Schlessinger needs to get out more. I've seen worse things at church.

posted by 86 at 12:49 PM on July 10, 2003

There's something very, very entertaining about a giant sausage being bonked in the melon with a baseball bat. The other sausage falling on top of her is just gravy. I also very much like the "Breaking News" infographics and general dramatic tone of the reporting. "No one is laughing now." Worth a thousand bucks!

posted by qbert72 at 01:47 PM on July 10, 2003

Yeah, that "no one is laughing now" was the highlight of the clip for me. I kept wanting to add (as I repeatedly re-watched the video) "no one is laughing now, but just wait... wait... okay THERE! Now, now we're all laughing".

posted by jonson at 05:15 PM on July 10, 2003

Fight on, Good Sausage, fight on.

posted by 86 at 05:16 PM on July 10, 2003

Oh man, you wouldn't believe how the news outlets in Milwaukee are treating this one. Leading news story all day, serious faces on the broadcaster's mugs... viewers calling in clamoring for Simon's head, you name it. Dumb thing to do? Of course. Fine him a couple bucks, give the gals a souvenir, the end. But a press conference? National media discussing pro athlete's attitudes and pomposity based on this particular incident? Ugh. The best part about all of this is the attention the Sausage Race gets as a result. And I'm with everybody here who's heartily amused by the spectacle in general. Simon was naughty, but the image of the giant sausage noggin takin a floggin makes me giggle every time. About a year ago, there was a race where one of the sausages tripped over his own feet and did a total face-plant into the dirt. They played it over and over again on the nightly sportscast and I couldn't stop laughing. Funny, funny stuff.

posted by evixir at 07:24 PM on July 10, 2003

"And they've passed the Pirate dugout safely!"

posted by qbert72 at 04:20 AM on July 11, 2003

After yesterday's game, Simon autographed bats for both women. The bats were accepted by Rick Schlesinger, the Brewers' executive vice president for business operations. "Actions have consequences," Schlesinger said. "[Wednesday] night we saw the bad consequences. [Yesterday] we saw the positive consequences. He's apologized, and the Brewers certainly accept that apology. The Pirates have been a class act during this." So many good quotes to choose from, but I gotta tip my hat to the world's most excitable baseball executive. You tell 'em, Rick! People will think twice before assaulting a sausage in your house if it costs them two autographed bats and a $400 fine. It took Simon two innings to earn that kind of jack!

posted by rcade at 07:22 AM on July 11, 2003

i know, i know. i shouldn't laugh. but i can't help myself. the "whacking the sausage" jokes alone crack me up, and then i went ahead and watched the video online (at work no less)... too funny. and it wouldn't be a complete story without the mugshot and police report from thesmokinggun.com

posted by jerseygirl at 10:53 PM on July 11, 2003

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