July 18, 2003

***SPOFI LOCKER ROOM INTERVIEW #11*** Samsonov14: "Swamped at work, you know." It's been a long time since I did this, so it'll be like the first time. I may be a little rusty, but I'm sure the Samsonov (as I like to call him) won't. Find out more about the mysterious and hilarious Samsonov inside!

posted by worldcup2002 to navel gazing at 04:31 PM - 223 comments

I know you're a busy man, Samsonov14, so let's get on with it. In honor of the previous interviewee, the great Fat Buddha, my first question to you will be the question(s) that FB asked: Q1. "I note [Samsonov14] comes from New Jersey, perhaps he can tell us all about some gangsters. Or if he is personally acquainted with Janet Evanovich, or if he has eaten at the White Mana. Or what Bruce is really like."

posted by worldcup2002 at 04:46 PM on July 18, 2003

Four questions in one. For the first question. And I didn't have to come up with any of it. Note to self: You are brilliant.

posted by worldcup2002 at 04:55 PM on July 18, 2003

Great questions wc2002!

posted by Fat Buddha at 05:42 PM on July 18, 2003

A jersey boy? Yeah, what's Bruce like? Speak up.

posted by squealy at 06:48 PM on July 18, 2003

Hey, I'm from Jersey too. Never met Evanovich (or Bruce, pity that) but I did go to high school with another moderately well known mystery novelist, Harlan Coben. I did live next door to a gangster when I was younger, was friends with his son who was my age, but the family up and moved one day, no warning, no realtor signs--turned out his whole little crime family all did after their boss had his furnace blown up in an attempted hit.

posted by billsaysthis at 07:21 PM on July 18, 2003

Who the hell is Bruce?!

posted by StarFucker at 09:49 PM on July 18, 2003


posted by worldcup2002 at 11:21 PM on July 18, 2003

of the Springsteen variety...

posted by jerseygirl at 11:21 PM on July 18, 2003

*waves to worldcup* you barely beat me to it. ;)

posted by jerseygirl at 11:22 PM on July 18, 2003

My God! Who kidnapped Samsonov14?

posted by worldcup2002 at 11:23 PM on July 18, 2003

jerseygirl: Go ahead and post your picture instead. ;-)

posted by worldcup2002 at 11:26 PM on July 18, 2003

Is this the first surrogate interview? Bill, I have come close to picking up a Coben more than once, would you reccommend him? Does Steve Van Zandt always wear that bloody bandanna? I am so impressed you lived next door to gangsters, Bill is my new hero. How come so many cool people come from Jersey?

posted by Fat Buddha at 03:25 AM on July 19, 2003

I prefer this pic of Bruce:

posted by Fat Buddha at 03:31 AM on July 19, 2003

Thanks FB, although I'm sure you were mocking me. But people from Jersey rarely catch that kind of subtlety. Harlan is an excellent writer--I've purchased all nine of his novels and recommend any. His first six, however, might be more relevant here as they all feature a college basketball star (who blew out his knee in his first exhibition game after being a No. 1 pick) turned FBI agent (after law school) turned sports agent. Each of the novels has him investigating a serious problem encountered by one of his clients, each in a different sport. Amusingly, the main character is very similar to Harlan himself except that his sport was really tennis and he isn't a lawyer. But the character's parents are Harlan's, as is the town where the character lives (Livingston, NJ, where we grew up), and he actually uses his real neighbors' names when that stuff comes up. Very funny stuff. And Van Zandt only wears the bandannas when he is in his 'rocker' character--he has never worn one on The Sopranos or when doing publicity for the show.

posted by billsaysthis at 11:38 AM on July 19, 2003

Good grief. Maybe I should change this to the billsays this. I mean, in a week's time, we could actually do this live, person to person. Except that I'd be stuffing my face with barbecued chicken. And drunk on sangria.

posted by worldcup2002 at 01:51 PM on July 19, 2003

Where in the world is Samsonov? Did the mob get him?

posted by worldcup2002 at 01:52 PM on July 19, 2003

This definitely goes down as the longest interview without an actual interview subject. :)

posted by jerseygirl at 02:21 PM on July 19, 2003

Bill, straight up, I wasn't mocking. I will give Coben a go. I was reading a bloke the other day who likes thrillers and described the pleasure of coming across a new author with a back catalogue. This is why I love Pelecanos and Evanovich, and Shames (doesn't Shames come from Jersey). The last bloke I read who had the requisite quality of writing and sense of place was Fred Willard, but he has only written 2. So Coben might fit the bill. Anyone know of any excerpts available online?

posted by Fat Buddha at 03:27 PM on July 19, 2003

is there a pool for the # of comments here before Samsonov14 tunes in? Put me down for 36.

posted by gspm at 06:33 PM on July 19, 2003

The website I linked has at least some sample chapters from most, if not all, the books. But who is Shames? First name, at least, so I can check into this person and let you know about his origin.

posted by billsaysthis at 08:20 PM on July 19, 2003

And I'm taking 25 for the pool.

posted by billsaysthis at 08:21 PM on July 19, 2003

I take 35. I fear that I have underestimated. This may another one for the history books: First interview where the interviewee didn't show up. Also, first one where others pretended to be the interviewee. Hahahahaha.

posted by worldcup2002 at 11:04 PM on July 19, 2003

I'm just holding out hope that he shows up with a fun drunk story... or better yet, just shows up drunk. put me down for 29 before the good man shows up.

posted by jerseygirl at 12:56 AM on July 20, 2003


posted by StarFucker at 03:56 AM on July 20, 2003

42, and I think he should be banned from his own interview! Apologies Bill, I didn't explore that link very well, have now heard the video clip, which was ok and will read the short story later. Meanwhile I found a first chapter to One False Move, which looks good. I am convinced; when I get through my current backlog, I shall give Coben a whirl. Cheers for the tip. Shames is Lawrence of that ilk. He is unheard ofin the UK, except by me, and he is brilliant, though his books are very hard to come by. They are not dissimilar to either Hiassen or Evanovich, poulated with extremely wacky, but likeable characters. All his books are set in Florida but I think I read somewhere that he actually hails from Jersey. By the way Kewell knackered himself yesterday in a friendly against Crewe.

posted by Fat Buddha at 04:13 AM on July 20, 2003

put the interview in the sidelines? would that help? i mean he is alive as of yesterday at 2.03PM sportsfilter time. i imagine that this will end up being the longest interview thread ever. this makes 26. if the next comment is from Samsonov14 then SF is king.

posted by gspm at 04:21 AM on July 20, 2003

I'm sorry, I just can't allow that to happen.

posted by Fat Buddha at 06:40 AM on July 20, 2003

Hahahahahahaha. And yes, a sideline link would be nice. But the Pantheon usu. do it without my asking. And I don't know if it would help in this case. I think either the mob got him or he's listening to Bruce all weekend.

posted by worldcup2002 at 09:25 AM on July 20, 2003

I got a $20 on sammy being on my couch, either passed out or still up, playing or having played FIFA 03 or Tiger Woods Golf until the wee hours of the night, early hours of the morning.

posted by garfield at 10:41 AM on July 20, 2003

dammit there goes my 29, Garfield. :)

posted by jerseygirl at 10:54 AM on July 20, 2003

FB, I don't know about the dimwit who wrote the Shames page you linked. Shames is not proud of the fact that he originally came from Newark, New Jersey. WTF is up with that comment? Since a person has no control over where s/he was born or his/her parents chose to raise the family, such a statement is pretty stupid and since the author doesn't use it as a quote or provide backup for it, even less respect.

posted by billsaysthis at 12:08 PM on July 20, 2003

Yes, Bill I take your point. Blues fans often say they are proud to be Brummies, every one does I suppose, wherever they come from, but I can't see the sense in it . As you say, it is purely an accident of birth, over which you personally have no control, so I can't see what there is to be proud of. Don't let it put you off Shames.

posted by Fat Buddha at 01:49 PM on July 20, 2003

"Shames is not proud ..." Hahahahahaha. Classic. Are we at 35 yet?

posted by worldcup2002 at 03:01 PM on July 20, 2003

47 is my guess.

posted by corpse at 03:08 PM on July 20, 2003

Yes wc2002. :-P

posted by squealy at 03:53 PM on July 20, 2003

Yeah 36! Oh, wait. That was my guess. D'oh.

posted by gspm at 04:48 PM on July 20, 2003

Can I do another guess? 44.

posted by jerseygirl at 07:29 PM on July 20, 2003

But really, when do the Ralph Wiggum quotes start?

posted by jerseygirl at 07:48 PM on July 20, 2003

"So the doctor says I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger out of there."

posted by therev at 09:36 PM on July 20, 2003

53. And this is by far WC's best interview to date. He just gets better and better. The way he slowly draws the interviewee out - what a magnificent sense of pacing. "And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life."

posted by kloeprich at 11:44 PM on July 20, 2003

"It says Choo Choo Choose Me...and there's a picture of a train on it..."

posted by StarFucker at 12:55 AM on July 21, 2003

"Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers!"

posted by jerseygirl at 01:04 AM on July 21, 2003

"When I grow up, I'm going to bovine university!"

posted by gspm at 01:27 AM on July 21, 2003

"Me fail English? That's unpossible."

posted by Fat Buddha at 03:03 AM on July 21, 2003

my money is on the 46th comment.

posted by danostuporstar at 06:30 AM on July 21, 2003

posted by danostuporstar at 06:32 AM on July 21, 2003

what do i win?

posted by danostuporstar at 06:33 AM on July 21, 2003

A pickled onion and a bag of scratchings.

posted by Fat Buddha at 06:42 AM on July 21, 2003

"I dress myself"

posted by garfield at 09:41 AM on July 21, 2003

I heard Samsonov went into a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant.

posted by vito90 at 09:45 AM on July 21, 2003

Best. Interview. Ever. No one tell Samsonov about this. It'd be more fun that way. "Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!"

posted by 86 at 10:07 AM on July 21, 2003

I knew Samsonov14 would be a star!

posted by Fat Buddha at 10:39 AM on July 21, 2003

123 is my new guess.

posted by corpse at 10:42 AM on July 21, 2003

Sheesh. I didn't know we'd started. My agent is so fired.

posted by Samsonov14 at 10:47 AM on July 21, 2003


posted by jerseygirl at 11:02 AM on July 21, 2003

What the hell, might as well answer a question or two, right? I'm not actually from New Jersey, I just live here for now. I grew up in the woods of Western Massachusetts, in a small town called Housatonic. It's tiny. I had cornfields on three sides of my house, and as a result that one scene in E.T. scared the living shit out of me. After college I moved to Boston and met my ex-girlfriend, and after a few years in Beantown we moved to New York so she could get her Master's degree. New York is pretty expensive, so we settled in across the Hudson. And no, I don't know much about gangs or gangsters. Unless you count that gang of 13 year-olds that stole my bike when I was drunk (true story). And I still don't understand the whole Springsteen thing.

posted by Samsonov14 at 11:12 AM on July 21, 2003

Okay, I'll see you all in a few days.

posted by Samsonov14 at 11:18 AM on July 21, 2003

Springsteen sucks ass... GIS for Housatonic

posted by StarFucker at 11:26 AM on July 21, 2003

Pretty, huh? That's probably the Housatonic River. "Housatonic" by the way, is an Indian Word meaning "Your parents never made it out of this backwoods shithole and neither will you. Just go buy a pickup truck and some workboots and deal with it."

posted by Samsonov14 at 11:33 AM on July 21, 2003

Nobody expects...56!!! And, oh yeah, SF, so who's your idea of a good rock and roller if Springsteen doesn't measure up?

posted by billsaysthis at 11:35 AM on July 21, 2003

Huh, wha, holy shit! Which comment was it when Samso finally answered? Tell me know and I will end this interview and die a happy man. Good grief. Can we afford to go on? 60 comments that only include one answer from the interviewee? What the ... At this pace we'll be done when we reach 600 comments! Can SpoFi even handle that? Is this the thread that breaks all records? OK, back to you Samso ... Q2. What is your real name? You've got the samso thing going, and then your profile has your email saying something, and your name saying something else. And why Samsonov14? Sorry, folks. That was not the most brilliant second question. But it's been so long since my first question, I'm going to struggle to keep any rhythm. This one's going to be a toughie.

posted by worldcup2002 at 11:52 AM on July 21, 2003

Ding Ding Ding. We have a winner. kloeprich had a guess of 53 and he was closest.

posted by gspm at 12:09 PM on July 21, 2003

Is it only me who thinks this interview was more fun before Samsonov stuck his big nose in? ;-)

posted by squealy at 12:09 PM on July 21, 2003

Samsonov 14: Hmm. All of our passwords here at work have to be a combination of letters and numbers, and so I often fall back on Samsonov14. If I can't remember a password, there's a good chance "Samsonov14" is gonna do the trick. Sergei Samsonov, of course, is a pretty amazing little Left Winger for the Boston Bruins (#14). Anyway, when I first discovered Metafilter, I needed a screen name, and it was the first thing that popped into my head. I had no idea I'd be hooked, so I didn't put a lot of thought into what my handle would be. It's only internet nerds, right? When I found Spofi, I decided to keep the nickname for the sake of consistency. Alan Linquist: Not my real name. When I was kid growing up in Massachusetts, there wasn't a lot to do. It's basically just woods, fields, and abandoned paper mills. Being pretty bored, we tended to get in a lot of trouble. A lot. There was one kid down the road, Alan Linquist, who was a complete and total dickhole. So everytime anyone in my neighborhood got caught doing something wrong, it became a sport of sorts to report your name as "Alan Linquist" and run away. I wouldn't be surprised to find that some of the other kids I grew up with are still using Alan's name once in a while to maintain anonymity. My real name, as you super-sleuths have probably deduced by now, is the yahoo address. You've blown my cover.

posted by Samsonov14 at 12:15 PM on July 21, 2003

Wow! Only two comments before you answered! And a quite interesting answer at that. I think it's a sign of good things to come ... Q3. So why are you so busy? What makes you take 53 comments before you answer my first question? What, Samsonov14, is this Herculean labor that takes so much of your time?

posted by worldcup2002 at 12:33 PM on July 21, 2003

Okay, before I start in on this, I want to explain that I used to work with developmentally disabled kids for a year or so, and then I worked with dually diagnosed mentally ill people (mostly schizophrenics) for about 2 years. So I'm not evil. Just so you know. The thing about doing work that actually adds value to the planet is that it doesn't pay for shit. There I was, three years or so out of college, and still without making the slightest headway into eliminating my student loans. God, how I loathe that Sallie Mae bitch! I've now turned to the dark side, kind of. My job is to train newly hired investment bankers in the ways of corporate finance. I'm now working to better the lives of the very same smug little Bradleys and Mishas I've been making fun of my whole life. And they make more then I do after a year or so in the firm. Ha ha! Good one, God. The money's pretty good, though.

posted by Samsonov14 at 01:06 PM on July 21, 2003


posted by 86 at 01:12 PM on July 21, 2003

Another excellent reply, Samso! Thank you. I was starting to cry after the first paragraph. I have family members who do social work, or, you know, things that actually help people but make you poor. Q4. So how do you transition from social work to corporate finance? Are your new charges no different than "developmentally disabled kids" and "mentally ill people (mostly schizoprenics)," just with nicer suits and company cars? (Or is that insulting the kids and schizos?) What did you study in school or otherwise that enables this switch?

posted by worldcup2002 at 01:19 PM on July 21, 2003

Yes Samsonov, how do I get out of this fucking social work job...you got out why can't I? Thank you God with knobs on!

posted by Fat Buddha at 01:24 PM on July 21, 2003

Note to Pantheon: If you haven't noticed, this is probably the largest SpoFi thread ever. And it's all about nothing in particular. Except when Samsonov14 started answering my questions. I think it's time to start paying me because I bring in the crowds. But seriously, start monetizing by pulling in Google ads. Do it on every page. It's easy, it's lightweight and generally low on the annoyance scale. The comments should make for some pretty relevant ads, and if not, at least they'll be interesting. I want to see SpoFi survive and thrive, and I think Google ads are a nice way to get the financial side of things a little less burdensome on you guys.

posted by worldcup2002 at 01:49 PM on July 21, 2003

Well, in school I was a double major in Anthropology and Religious Studies. That, of course, doesn't enable me to do jack shit, except maybe bore people at cocktail parties. Four years of both of those subjects, and all I learned was this: People are different. If any of you have children who may one day be interested in either of these subjects, I urge you to steer them away. Art school would have been more useful. Even that art school where you have to draw the picture of the dog or the turtle and sent it to them to see if you qualify for a career in The Arts. You know the one I'm talking about. Anyway, FB, I'd advise you to quit your job. That's what I did. I was unemployed for many months when I ran into a girl at a wedding who said her company needed temp help. Why not, right? So I take the job in the recruiting department, and get hired full-time after six months. I was transferred and promoted a couple of times in the last few years, and I don't think anyone here remembers that I don't have a background in Finance or Economics. I used to think that if you pretended to know what you were talking about in the business world, everyone would believe you. Now I'm starting to think that no one in the business world knows what they're talking about. No wonder no one's called my bluff yet. The best thing about this job is that after working with thte mentally ill, it's hard to get stressed out. Even if things go totally haywire here, the worst thing that happens is that some day some new investment banker is going to make a mistake in a pitch book or something. No biggie. Having to climb the stairs to avoid a giant crazy guy in a wheelchair waving a butter knife at you - now that's something to worry about! Granted, it's only a butter knife, I'm just saying, you know?

posted by Samsonov14 at 02:01 PM on July 21, 2003

Q5. When you're not busy saving the investment bankers of the world, what are you doing?

posted by worldcup2002 at 02:44 PM on July 21, 2003

Hey, Samsonov, tell that one joker to quit calling my house at 6:45 every night. I'm not buying anymore shares of MarchFirst.

posted by kloeprich at 02:51 PM on July 21, 2003

Anybody want to take bets on how many comments we'll get to by the time Samso answers my last question?

posted by worldcup2002 at 02:55 PM on July 21, 2003

Kloeprich, I'll see what I can do. Well, when I'm not at work, I'm pretty much sleeping, eating or getting drunk. Once in a while there's laundry to be done. Sad but true. Once in a blue moon on the weekends I play hockey. Most of my friends had never played hockey, but were serious fans (Rangers fans mostly, but that's not their fault). Last year we were watching a game when we realized that we had the money for pads such, and there was really no excuse for us not playing hockey. Now when we can get enough people together we rent out a rink in New Jersey. So there you go. I always thought I'd be a good hockey player, but it turns out that I'm somewhere between so-so and terrible. Still fun, though. Aside from that, I'm an avid reader. Short stories are my favorites. In the past week I read "Among the Missing" by Dan Chaon, and most of "Equal Love" by Peter Ho Davies. Both are recommended. Every once in a while I get a weird fixation with some non-fiction subject, too, and I then have to read everything I can about the subject. Last year it happened with Chimpanzees. If Jane Goodall and I faced off in a game of Trivial Pursuit Chimp Edition, I'd give her a run for her money. A chimp run! Ha ha ha ha! I have no idea what that means. Anyway, this year I've been reading about physics. It's pretty interesting. I've got a decent grasp on all the Newtonian stuff, and I can deal with Einstein's stuff, but quantum phyics is fucking killing me! I've been trying to get through this book called "The Elegant Universe" for a while now, and I just can't imagine what the guy is describing. Did you know that if you tried to walk through a solid wall once a second, sooner or later you'd make it all the way through? It would take longer than the universe has been around so far, but sooner or later man, it's gonna happen. I shit you not. That would be the best party trick ever. I also like to think I jog a lot, but really it's more like twice a week.

posted by Samsonov14 at 03:15 PM on July 21, 2003

Q6. Man, between the hockey and the chimp runs, when do you find time to eat? What do you eat? And drink?

posted by worldcup2002 at 03:38 PM on July 21, 2003

'Did you know that if you tried to walk through a solid wall once a second, sooner or later you'd make it all the way through?' HUH?!

posted by StarFucker at 03:45 PM on July 21, 2003

Well, just this weekend I found out that crabs and salmon are delicious. A friend of mine brought back a big ol' salmon from Seattle, along with some crabs, and had ourselves a good ol fashioned barbecue! Yee haw! I'd grown up not eating most seafood, especially crabs (except when in cake form), but apparently they can be quite tasty. Now that that's out of the way, there's pretty much nothing I won't eat anymore. Maybe brussel sprouts, although I haven't tried them in years. My normal diet consists of eucalyptus leaves, which incidentally is where I get most of my moisture. Actually, that's koalas. I eat mostly pasta and fruit, because I'm lazy. Not as lazy as those lazy-ass koalas, though. They can sleep up to 20 hours a day. I'm not making that up. As far as drinks go, if it doesn't have a skull on the bottle, I'll drink it. The beer I drink most is probably Coors light, which is watery swill, but in a good way. I have a roommate who drinks Natural Light Ice, so I'm the classy one here. Crazy world, huh? When I'm in the mood for something a little more upscale, I'll get myself a Magic Hat #9, or a Dogfish Head Raison D'etre. The best beer on the planet is La Chouffe.

posted by Samsonov14 at 03:57 PM on July 21, 2003

Did you know that if you tried to walk through a solid wall once a second, within three seconds you'd have a broken nose? Thanks for the tip, though, Sam ... if I wanted to get a start on physics, what book would you recommend?

posted by wfrazerjr at 04:01 PM on July 21, 2003

A Brief History of Time (by that wheelchair guy) is a pretty solid start, although it's a little old. It's written for regular folks, who just want to know more about whether or not we can walk through walls and such.

posted by Samsonov14 at 04:13 PM on July 21, 2003

Wait, I can answer that ... *bump* No. Let the interview continue!

posted by wfrazerjr at 04:22 PM on July 21, 2003

I'm headed home. I'll see you in about an hour. And wfraerjr, keep trying. Quitters never win.

posted by Samsonov14 at 04:24 PM on July 21, 2003

This interview is going much too fast now, you'll never beat the record for comments.

posted by corpse at 04:42 PM on July 21, 2003

Crap, you'd think you'd have had some Maryland crabs by now. Sheesh. Even I know that they're best crabs in the US! And I know what you mean about the koalas, man. I've been to the zoo several times, and everytime I'm there, those fuckers are sleeping on the tree. I think they may be stuffed. The only time I see them move is on TV.

posted by worldcup2002 at 04:55 PM on July 21, 2003

Q7. But speaking of home ... When you get there, who will you find there? Roommate? Girlfriend? Wife? Kids? Tell us about your domestic New Jersey life. Is it anything like the movie? Do you look like Ben Affleck?

posted by worldcup2002 at 05:02 PM on July 21, 2003

I want to come back as a Koala.

posted by Fat Buddha at 05:10 PM on July 21, 2003

This is comment 87. Not trying to pump the comment counter or anything. I'm just sayin' ...

posted by worldcup2002 at 05:36 PM on July 21, 2003

Just what is the comment record? Just trying to help a brother out, WC.

posted by kloeprich at 05:47 PM on July 21, 2003

Okay, I'm back.. The next few answers will fueled by Coors Light, for the record. Sweet, sweet Rocky Mountain Muse. Home, for me, is a two-level apartment in Hoboken. Before I get to where I am now, let me explain how I got there. When I first moved to the area, I lived with my girlfriend and our two cats. We lived like that for about two years, and had our share of good times and bad times. Sadly, I discovered that no matter how well you think you know a person, sometimes they don't turn out to be who you think they are. Sometimes, for example, they turn out to be lying sluts. So we don't talk much anymore. When we broke up, I had less than a month to find an apartment. Just days before our old lease was up, I found a place owned by two teachers, who were also artists. They lived upstairs. Sounds pretty safe, right? Well, you'd think so, but it turns out that one of the teachers was also a clown/magician. His stage name: Silly Willy. Which is kind of weird, because his real name was Orlando, but I gues there's not a lot that rhymes with that. In any case, the real problem is that he was such a sucessful clown/magician that he held classes on the weekends. And the problem with the classes is that they were held in the room directly behind my bedroom. At 9am. And I'm no koala, but I do like to sleep in on weekends. So for about 9 months I was woken up every Saturday and Sunday morning by an assortment of clapping, whistling, clanking, and honking. In case you're wondering, the honking was the worst. This went on seemingly forever, until one day I fanlly completely lost it and played my stereo as loud as possible for about five hours to drown out the noise. The next morning my landlord comes to me and says "I get the feeling you're not happy here." So apparently he's some sort of clown/magicican/psychic. Good for him. He was nice enough to let me out of the lease, though, so I shouldn't talk too much trash. A few months ago I moved into a 3 bedroom/2 bath with a gay guy and a straight guy. The gay guy is from Nashville, drinks Natural Light Ice, and is a huge football fan. The straight guy is one of the neatest people I know, and irons and folds his undershirts. I'm still waiting for them to reveal that it's all a joke. I'm currently without a girlfriend. I'm saving up so I can get a really good one next time. And no one can prove any of those kids are mine. Cigarette break. I'll be right back to address the accusations of looking like Ben Affleck.

posted by Samsonov14 at 05:53 PM on July 21, 2003

wc2002, this is the pantheon. Residuals begin at 500 comments. Keep it up, and you'll be there soon. Just channel some Charlie Rose or James Lipton and the questions will flow. One more thing: And from now on, stop playing with yourself! (sorry, don't know why Real Genius came into my head there)

posted by msacheson at 06:04 PM on July 21, 2003

You know what this means... More Wiggum.

posted by jerseygirl at 06:09 PM on July 21, 2003

As for looking like Ben Affleck, even though he's a talentless hack, that would be nice. I'm about 5'6", 135 lbs. Some people have said I have a bit of a Napoleon Complex, but the guys that said that are all dicks and I'll kick their asses if I ever see them. Say it to my face, Dick! I'll kick your lanky ass! As far as what celebrities I look like, I've been compared to Michael J. Fox (I can deal with that), Tom Petty (I used to grow my hair out during soccer season in high school, and long hair was almost as bad an idea for me as it is for Tom), Martin Short (dammit, no!), and Tanner from the Bad News Bears (at least it's inventive). The one I get most is David Spade. One time I was compared to Matt Damon, which is almost Ben Affleck (okay, so it was a fat drunk girl saying it, but that counts, right?). I would also like to add that one time I bent my wookie.

posted by Samsonov14 at 06:13 PM on July 21, 2003

wtf, msacheson, playing with myself? Where'd you get that? Wha? You've been peeking in my window again, you dirty old man? Perv!

posted by worldcup2002 at 06:17 PM on July 21, 2003

Some Simpsons subtlety, or, thum thimpthons thubtlety. Ask about the stolen bike wc, we need to know about the stolen bike.

posted by Fat Buddha at 06:21 PM on July 21, 2003

My word! Sluts, teachers, clown/magicians, koalas and honking, gay and straight roommates ... all in one comment. How the hell am I going to top that? Q8. Have you thought of selling your story to a network? (Holy crap. "My So-Called Wife." "Clowns, Koalas, Magicians." "Presto, Change-o, Orlando!" "Gay, Straight and Samsonov." The list is endless.) And what cigarettes do you smoke? Why those?

posted by worldcup2002 at 06:25 PM on July 21, 2003

The bike, the goddamm bike, man!

posted by Fat Buddha at 06:27 PM on July 21, 2003

I'd like to third or fourth the Harlan Coben recommendations. I read Tell No One while on vacation at the Jersey shore a few weeks ago. Brigantine, FYI. PS - Oh boy! Sleep! That's where I'm a viking!

posted by mbd1 at 06:30 PM on July 21, 2003

Samsonov is my new hero. the way to riches with a Religious Studies major is temping...why didn't I think of that before

posted by eckeric at 06:49 PM on July 21, 2003

Good ol' Hoboken. Bars, Sinatra, and honking clowns. A year ago, I was living in Jersey City. Do you live off of Washington?

posted by jacknose at 06:53 PM on July 21, 2003

Most people who smoke picked it up by the age of eighteen. At least that's what the government wants us to think. I, on the other hand, started smoking (cigarettes) in college. I dated a Japanese girl my Sophomore year (Goddamn you half-Japanese girls, do it to me everytime!). She was cute, but really really irritating. The way she said "Whatever" was like nails on a chalkboard. "What... eber!" Ugh. Anyway, she smoked Salem Slim 100's, and got me into the habit. An aside: the reason I fell for this girl is becasue we were drunk one night, hanging out on the green and looking up at the stars, and I told her all of the constellations I knew. She, in turn, told me all of the Japanese names for those constellations. A few days later she told me she had made them all up. Brilliant! I thought that was great. Now back to the story. Now, you can probably tell by my current living situation that I'm not a homophobe. But smoking Salem Slim 100's? That's incredibly gay. So I started smoking Parliaments, and sooner or later I was hooked. By the time I realized that I was smoking too much, I'd switched to Marlboro Ultra Lights. It's like smoking a regualar cigarette, except without the satifaction. But baby that how it is. And for our buddy FB, the bike story. It's kind of embarassing, but hey, it's not like you guys could possibly figure out my real name or anything now, so what... eber. I used to live about two miles from my college roommates, who still love drinking. Driving drunk is stupid, and is a crime as well, so I got in the habit of riding my bike down to their house. That's perfectly safe. One night, or early morning depending on whether you can still read your watch or not, I hopped on my bike and started the unsteady wobble home. Now, my old roommates live about a block from a really shady area in Jersey City, and there's a lot of bad elements around late at night. I ran into some about a quarter mile into my ride. "Yo kid, get off the bike!" If you ever hear that, be sure to pedal HARD. But when you do, make sure you're not looking over your shoulder to find out who's saying it, because you never know when there's a fucking driveway fence in front of you. So I slam into the fence, wedging my wheel between the rails in the process. As I'm dragging my bruised, drunken 135 lb. carcass back up from the ground, I turn around to confront my attackers. And I'm pretty upset at this point. Here's the pisser. It's a street gang, of sorts, but not one you should really be afraid of. There's about six kids running toward me at a steady clip. I'd say they were maybe 14-15 years old. My first thought is to fight them, of course. I've got maybe 30 seconds to decide which kid to punch first. Then suddenly, it occurs to me that I bought that bike at a yard sale for $50. A moment of clarity. Which is worse: getting your bike stolen by a pack of adolescents, or getting your ass kicked and your bike stolen by a pack of adolescents? So anyway, I got all pissed off, turned green, and grew to twice my normal size. Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. The kids were scared off, and I donated the bike to charity the next day. Either that, or I ran away as quickly as I could, and I never saw the bike again.

posted by Samsonov14 at 07:08 PM on July 21, 2003

Ralph: "Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants." Chief Wiggum: "Just relax and it'll come, son."

posted by therev at 07:52 PM on July 21, 2003

this is a great interview. it has a fine mix of ralph wiggum quotes, fun stories about sluts, clowns and being drunk and michael j. fox lookalikes. something for everyone.

posted by jerseygirl at 07:58 PM on July 21, 2003

I think wc2002 may have Samsonoved us. Who knows when we'll see him next? Let open it to the floor. We need more beer, but I'll be back in a few. Any questions are welcome. Or you could just wait for tomorrow's painful, hungover follow-up. We have a record to beat here, people!

posted by Samsonov14 at 08:07 PM on July 21, 2003

That bike story is a real winner. Except that I was going to ask you about it in Q9. Now, I have to come up with another question. Think, MacGuyver, think ... Q9. OK, that's twice you've made a Hulk reference. What's up with you and the Hulk? Have you seen the movie? Who wins - TV Hulk or Movie Hulk? ... Do alcohol and gamma rays make good mix? And, and, and ... Why emoticons make Samsonov angry? Graaaaaaargh!

posted by worldcup2002 at 08:16 PM on July 21, 2003

Comments now over hundred. Hulk happy. Hulk want more or get mad.

posted by worldcup2002 at 08:18 PM on July 21, 2003

LOL! But this humble one should not laugh either as the only time he was mugged was by four 14 & 15 year old boys. But wait--I was only 16 (it was actually my birthday or the day after), so I don't think it quite compares. Plus I was sober and it was broad daylight but in Asbury Park, not Jersey City.

posted by billsaysthis at 08:25 PM on July 21, 2003

We get 200 comments or we didn't try hard enough. -- Sammy's gettin' a beer. He'll be back...

posted by 86 at 08:30 PM on July 21, 2003

ralph wiggum quotes, fun stories about sluts, clowns and being drunk and michael j. fox lookalikes Just wait kids, it's almost the ten-spot. You know what that means. The FCC eases off the reins, and the real fun starts....

posted by garfield at 08:39 PM on July 21, 2003

Interesting question. When we were kids, I was one grade above The Hulk. Not surprisingly, he's the most famous person to have come out of Housatonic. In fact, our high school was renamed Hulk High in 1999. Take that JFK! Well, it's technically called Hulk Bannon Regional High School, but that doesn't really flow all that well. By the way, that "don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry" stuff was mine. That little green bastard stole it from me. I also started other trends like Ocean Pacific T-shirts, several secret handshakes, Moon Boots, and that thing where you turn your collar up. The Hulk, on the other hand, was the first guy to give out Friendship Bracelets. Stupid green wuss. And as much as I hate The Hulk for stealing my catch phrases (and I actually got him to try out "ANGRY SPANGRY" a few times), I hate emoticons much, much more. The whole idea of needing extra characters to convey emotion kills me. If you're kidding, people should understand that you're kidding. Maybe the more obtuse among us have to stretch to figure it out, but busting out a wink? Can you imagine actually winking after you've completed your sentence? Oh. Oh God that's tacky. You can use that once a week, but no more (just as you might in real life). Not that you can tell tonight, but I think there should be a certain purity of form when people express themselves. Anything that can be conveyed aloud can be conveyed on a piecve of paper. I hope that in my comments above you can all read the occasional sarcasm I've tried to throw into my comments. If you can't, I owe you all several winks and smiley faces. :) ;) Oh fuck I can't do it... SAMSONOV MAD!

posted by 86 at 08:56 PM on July 21, 2003

Never saw the movie, by the way. I loved the series as a kid, but the new version didn't look very good.

posted by 86 at 08:58 PM on July 21, 2003

That was me. 86 is one of my college roommates. For all of you Junior Detectives that wondered how he knew when I was getting a beer, now you know. Stupid cookies.

posted by Samsonov14 at 09:06 PM on July 21, 2003

Samsonov Caught in Multiple Personality Scandal, news at 11.

posted by jerseygirl at 09:14 PM on July 21, 2003

I used to live about two miles from my college roommates, who still love drinking. Driving drunk is stupid, and is a crime as well, so I got in the habit of riding my bike down to their house. That's perfectly safe. Here at UGA in Athens GA, you can get a DUI for driving your bike drunk...

posted by jmd82 at 09:22 PM on July 21, 2003

What I should have said: That's perfectly safe. ;) Dammit.

posted by Samsonov14 at 09:28 PM on July 21, 2003

That confirms my decision to never, under any circumstance, visit Georgia. (the real me)

posted by 86 at 09:32 PM on July 21, 2003

Hmmm. Hulk...clowning chimps eating eucalyptus leaves and crashing through walls...it's all starting to make sense. One more beer and I'll have the whole thing figured out.

posted by kloeprich at 09:38 PM on July 21, 2003

I knew a soccer player at Duke who got a DUI on a moped. Freaking ponderous.

posted by mbd1 at 10:18 PM on July 21, 2003

What the ... huh? Wha? (How's that for a Charlie Rose/Larry King impersonation?) So, was that you or 86? Holy moley. Longest-ass interview. Most comments before first answer. Now, responding via a proxy. I'm interviewing someone who can speak thru others. Clowns, drunk koalas on bicycles, slutty magicians, and gangs of teen artist/teachers who are green ... Graaaaaaaargh! Hulk confused. >:-[

posted by worldcup2002 at 10:33 PM on July 21, 2003

Well, let's close this out on a high note: Q10. What's your media diet? Movies, books, TV, newspapers, magazines, comics, sites, etc. What's your favorite porn site? And who should I interview next?

posted by worldcup2002 at 10:36 PM on July 21, 2003

Heh, i know Samsonov...but that little known fact about getting a DUI on a bicycle is even better when you know the person and it is something they will NEVER live down =)

posted by jmd82 at 11:28 PM on July 21, 2003

wow, this was a fun interview. and it is almost over. .sniff.

posted by gspm at 01:40 AM on July 22, 2003

What Samsonov said re the smileys, the Pantheon should ban them. 2 girls of about 14 once tried to mug me outside Cardiff station while I was drunk as a skunk and on crutches to boot. Being unafraid of adolescent girls, I fought back, obviously, and when the police came they accused me of propositioning them, and I missed the last train, costing me 20 quid in a taxi. Worse they ripped my shirt pocket and I lost my leather tobacco pouch.

posted by Fat Buddha at 02:53 AM on July 22, 2003

Damn time zones. Only time I ever got mugged was by a drug dealer in a dark alley at knifepoint. 14 year old kids, pfffft. Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me

posted by squealy at 03:30 AM on July 22, 2003

can i switch over to Homerisms? Ok, I will. I won't lie to you, fatherhood isn't easy, unlike motherhood. But I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world ... except for some Mag Wheels, that would be sweet.

posted by jerseygirl at 06:14 AM on July 22, 2003

A generation of men is like a generation of leaves; the wind scatters some leaves upon the ground, while others the burgeoning wood brings forth - and the season of spring comes on. So of men one generation springs forth and another ceases.

posted by Fat Buddha at 08:47 AM on July 22, 2003

The (Mil)House always wins!

posted by garfield at 09:52 AM on July 22, 2003

FB: ... the burgeoning wood ... I like that. Hey, honey, whaddayasay ... I have a burgeoning wood! Speaking of wood, where's Samsonov? He's gone AWOL again! He did it the first question, is he doing it to the last? I'm taking bets on how many comments before he answers the last question. Maybe he's helping us get to 500 comments.

posted by worldcup2002 at 10:04 AM on July 22, 2003

that thing where you turn your collar up. In the 80s, I had a high school friend who thought turning your collar up was the ultimate in coolness. A sample of our conversation: FRIEND: So are you going to Todd's party Friday night? ME: I'm not sure. Are you? FRIEND: Shoot yeah, my collar's going to be up like a mug!

posted by jacknose at 10:09 AM on July 22, 2003

I'm in meetings until 1:30. Sorry.

posted by Samsonov14 at 10:28 AM on July 22, 2003

"Meetings." Riiiiiiight. ;-) ... >:-( ... (:-@) graargh!

posted by worldcup2002 at 10:39 AM on July 22, 2003

Mister Hoity Toity, ooh look at me, I'm all kewl with that ancient Greek poetry crap. Well la de da, Mr. Fat Buddha! I'm am so impressed. Not. Well, actually I am, had to look up the thing in Google. So, they actually teach you guys shit in English schools, eh? It's not all tea time and cricket then?

posted by billsaysthis at 11:33 AM on July 22, 2003

I used to be in arbitrary meetings all the time. Never got my actual job done. I created a new meeting in Outlook that occupies me every day from 8-5. I never get invited to meetings anymore and I get all my work done. Everyone wins.

posted by jerseygirl at 11:33 AM on July 22, 2003

Hey, that's what I do, too! btw, do you have a picture of yourself you can post? ;-)

posted by worldcup2002 at 12:09 PM on July 22, 2003

How many requests have you had for you photo jerseygirl? I think I've seen at least 5. Out of curiousity and less intrusively, where in Jersey are you from? Or to be annoying as hell, what exit are you from?

posted by garfield at 12:18 PM on July 22, 2003

btw, garfield, the photo thing is a running joke I have with jerseygirl. It all started here. Except that I'm not joking.

posted by worldcup2002 at 12:29 PM on July 22, 2003

ah, i knew i wasn't crazy, well, not certifiable but maybe a little loony, and I knew I'd seen that request before.

posted by garfield at 12:42 PM on July 22, 2003

No, you're not loony. I bought the rights to loony years ago.

posted by worldcup2002 at 12:47 PM on July 22, 2003

The meeting must be running late...

posted by 86 at 12:50 PM on July 22, 2003

not from jersey, just like the song. You should download it and check it out. err, what I mean is, purchase it lawfully from your local music retailer... i'm used to wc2k2 asking for my picture. somehow i find it endearing... unless he headbutts me in some crazed soccer-induced rage.

posted by jerseygirl at 12:53 PM on July 22, 2003

The meeting must be running late... maybe he's taking a nap. well taking a nap or drunk. i'll go with either of those. it is after lunch, after all. what's the line on how many posts before Samsonov shows up again?

posted by jerseygirl at 12:54 PM on July 22, 2003

I just want to say that I know at least one person in this community - this is getting incestuous.

posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 12:57 PM on July 22, 2003

huh? pass some that stuff over this way.

posted by danostuporstar at 01:10 PM on July 22, 2003

What a crap morning. Tomorrow morning at 10:30 I have a meeting to discuss a how a committee that Iím on is going to prepare our department for an all-hands meeting next month. So itís a meeting about a meeting. Okay, back to the questions. Give me a little bit - I'm kind of busy today.

posted by Samsonov14 at 01:17 PM on July 22, 2003

I'll bet Samsonov will reply at 150 comments.

posted by worldcup2002 at 01:18 PM on July 22, 2003


posted by worldcup2002 at 01:18 PM on July 22, 2003

btw, Samso. Question 10 was way back up here. Go ahead and get your work done. Don't worry about us. We'll be out here smokin' and playing cards.

posted by worldcup2002 at 01:20 PM on July 22, 2003

jerseygirl, so you're a poser? not to bust, but thats weak. then again, i don't even know what song you're talking about, and i pride myself on knowing a thing or two about toons.

posted by garfield at 01:34 PM on July 22, 2003

wc2k2, any chance of selling the rights? I'm thinking of franchising out to small mom&pop type community operations. every town needs a nutter. the town where I went to highschool had 'mud lady.' She was probably a model that fell off the catwalk. I don't know the real story, but she was about 5'10", 115 pounds, and wore about 3" of makeup, dawn til dusk, 365.

posted by garfield at 01:41 PM on July 22, 2003

I donít really have much of a media diet, to be honest. For example, I couldnít tell the difference between 50 Cent and Nelly, although I know the names. I learn pretty much everything I need to know from the internet. I donít subscribe to any magazines or newspapers, but I read CNN, the Boston Globe, and Arts & Letters Daily every morning. Webcomics I recommend include Achewood, Wigu, and Cat and Girl. Other interesting websites in my bookmarks are Hockeys Future, Something Awful (I love the Photoshop Phridays), and boingboing. The Simpsons and documentaries on the Science Channel are pretty much the only things I watch on TV. Except for Family Guy on the Cartoon Network. I canít believe they stopped making that. Dude, they have porn on the internet now? And hey, Iíd like to make a recommendation for the next interview, but I canít remember whoís been done so far. Iím pretty sure weíve heard from squealy, FB, wc2002, jerseygirl, and rcade. Who am I forgetting?

posted by Samsonov14 at 01:42 PM on July 22, 2003

I'm guessing this tune garfield. And on preview, great interview Samsonov.

posted by squealy at 01:48 PM on July 22, 2003

We've also done Grum, vito90, and the spectacular duel interview between me and jennyb. My interview suggestions: wfrazerjr trox billsaysthis meanie msacheson gspm mdb1 eckeric

posted by corpse at 01:52 PM on July 22, 2003

that is a good tune.

posted by garfield at 01:57 PM on July 22, 2003

Wfrazerjr would be my recommendation. That guy never shuts his pie hole. Interviewing meanie would be interesting, because we really know nothing about him. I'd also like to hear from 86, although that's probably because I know all of the most embarrassing questions to ask him.

posted by Samsonov14 at 01:59 PM on July 22, 2003

or djacobs!

posted by corpse at 01:59 PM on July 22, 2003

I don't care who gets interviewed next. Just don't leave it so long between interviews this time.

posted by squealy at 02:00 PM on July 22, 2003

Of the people you mentioned, Samso, we have not interviewed rcade. I don't think I could interview 86, especially so soon after interviewing you. You're friends and all and I could never know if it was you or him answering my questions. I cannot handle existential dilemmas during SpoFi Locker Room interviews. wfrazerj would be interesting, too. Hmmm. I also wouldn't mind interviewing another lady. Is there another woman out there besides jennyb and jerseygirl. Also, we need more cute pics. So, is it wfrazerj, Samso? Pick one. Or let the mob decide.

posted by worldcup2002 at 02:11 PM on July 22, 2003

Oh, it's gotta be a consensus. My vote is for wfrazerjr, though.

posted by Samsonov14 at 02:25 PM on July 22, 2003

Samsonov's a dumbass. The problems of last night were his and his alone. I forgive him though, because he bought the beer.

posted by 86 at 02:25 PM on July 22, 2003

Thanks, Samsonov! It was fun. And surreal. A true life-changing experience. Now, on to wfrazerj! I don't think he commented in here, so we have to hunt him down.

posted by worldcup2002 at 02:38 PM on July 22, 2003

Round of applause for Samsonov14, a wizard, a true star.

posted by Fat Buddha at 03:14 PM on July 22, 2003

... And another for our ever-brilliant interviewer, worldcup2002.

posted by 86 at 03:34 PM on July 22, 2003

Thanks, 86. I'll get around to you soon enough, I'm sure. I'm just not sure I can take the both of you back to back. You crazy Jersey freaks. And 86, are you still supporting Everton? I hope you'll join us in the EPL Fantasy League this season. It's going to be great. Ummm. As soon as we get it going.

posted by worldcup2002 at 03:38 PM on July 22, 2003

Just let us know when you have set it up old chap, and we will all scoot over there. Will jerseygirl join? she could call herself the cornerboys. Is it just me or has Arts and Letters Daily become increasingly right wing?

posted by Fat Buddha at 03:57 PM on July 22, 2003

Maybe you've become increasingly left wing, FB. And thanks to everyone for their patience (and Ralphisms) in the early days of this Hurculean interview.

posted by Samsonov14 at 03:59 PM on July 22, 2003

I'm in no rush, though Sammy keeps telling me how much fun he had with this so I am looking forward to it down the road. I think we'll get a good one with wfrazerj if he shows up (we may need to start some new quotes while we wait). And I have been following Everton, though not as much as I should be. For some reason, I still don't feel like I know enough to be a frequent poster or viable fantasy owner. I guess we'll wait and see when the league gets up and running.

posted by 86 at 04:09 PM on July 22, 2003

Man, Everton are a dull team, it's no wonder you can't get enthused.

posted by Fat Buddha at 04:12 PM on July 22, 2003

The best version of jg's eponymous song is by, of course, Bruce!!! (SF, KMA!)

posted by billsaysthis at 04:14 PM on July 22, 2003

posted by StarFucker at 04:18 PM on July 22, 2003

Okay, seriously though, check out today's Achewood.

posted by Samsonov14 at 04:21 PM on July 22, 2003

speaking of internet integrity, did you ever make it to ottawa?

posted by garfield at 04:42 PM on July 22, 2003

I commented once or twice, but I was fresh out of Wiggumisms most of the weekend. You'd think Sam's Club would stock the damn things.

posted by wfrazerjr at 05:39 PM on July 22, 2003

the hands-on meeting, samsonov, sounds eerily similar to the heartless cold company i work for.

posted by jerseygirl at 06:58 PM on July 22, 2003

I'd like to take this opportunity to say I tore through A Brief History of Time and yet The Elegant Universe stopped me within 20 pages even though I was interested in String Theory until I opened it. As best I remember it (and I got it, I think, from ABHoT when I was recovering from a hangover in my freshman year of college like 10 years ago [insert "Holy shit, ten years?!" here]), the idea is that it is possible for one to walk into a wall without any of the particles of one's body touching the particles of the wall. However, the odds of this happening suggest we need to wait another few zillion years before it happens. And then immediately buy a PowerBall ticket. -- "Ralph, remember the time you said Snagglepuss was outside?" -- "He was going to the bathroom."

posted by yerfatma at 08:01 PM on July 22, 2003

Thank you, fatty. I'm glad to have some backup here. I'm a bit disappointed that you're explaining it, though. I'm willing to bet that StarFucker was thinking about giving it a shot.

posted by Samsonov14 at 08:19 PM on July 22, 2003

Man, this is the longest post-interview thread ever. Yet another record. I'm moved. After-party!

posted by worldcup2002 at 08:51 PM on July 22, 2003

"My knob tastes funny." Wait, isn't that a Ron Jeremy line?

posted by wfrazerjr at 09:08 PM on July 22, 2003

Please refrain from tasting the knob. Wasn't that a Jeremy Irons line?

posted by therev at 09:47 PM on July 22, 2003

Um... Jeremy's Iron? I have a ball. Perhaps you'd like to bounce it?

posted by Samsonov14 at 11:19 PM on July 22, 2003

Yerfatma, I recommend David Deutsch.

posted by billsaysthis at 01:29 PM on July 23, 2003

I miss this thread. Jeremy makes me think of a teddy bear that was the protagonist of a kid's show. Now I miss two things. sigh.

posted by gspm at 01:54 PM on July 23, 2003

This thread is still alive?

posted by worldcup2002 at 04:04 PM on July 23, 2003


posted by StarFucker at 04:13 PM on July 23, 2003

This thread must never die.

posted by Fat Buddha at 05:07 PM on July 23, 2003

my cat's breath smells like cat food.

posted by Bernreuther at 03:11 PM on July 24, 2003

Did i, uh...hear a briefcase opening?

posted by StarFucker at 04:14 PM on July 24, 2003

There is nothing like a dame!

posted by billsaysthis at 04:32 PM on July 24, 2003

This thread is so much more fun than wfrazerjr's (that chump).

posted by Samsonov14 at 05:37 PM on July 24, 2003

It is also much more surreal. What the heck are you guys talking about now?

posted by worldcup2002 at 07:15 PM on July 24, 2003

WC: You are Number 6. I am Number 2.

posted by billsaysthis at 11:44 PM on July 24, 2003

I am Number Spartacus! err, Number 2!

posted by gspm at 01:25 AM on July 25, 2003

I am the walrus.

posted by Fat Buddha at 07:52 AM on July 25, 2003

you guys are bent

posted by garfield at 09:08 AM on July 25, 2003

I am the walrus. Shut the fuck up, Donnie.

posted by Ufez Jones at 10:00 AM on July 25, 2003


posted by StarFucker at 10:04 AM on July 25, 2003

From the Big Lebowski, more choice quotes here.

posted by vito90 at 10:29 AM on July 25, 2003

The chinaman is not the issue here, dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, dude. Across this line, you DO NOT...Also, dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

posted by dusted at 10:51 AM on July 25, 2003

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?"

posted by Samsonov14 at 11:34 AM on July 25, 2003

Fuck sympathy! I don't need your fuckin' sympathy, man, I need my fucking johnson! Lebowski fest.

posted by Fat Buddha at 12:21 PM on July 25, 2003

How did we end up at the Big Lebowski? Well, at least it has something to do with sports.

posted by worldcup2002 at 12:28 PM on July 25, 2003


posted by corpse at 01:37 PM on July 25, 2003


posted by Fat Buddha at 01:50 PM on July 25, 2003

Only 300 more to go. My residuals kick in at 500.

posted by worldcup2002 at 01:54 PM on July 25, 2003


posted by billsaysthis at 02:03 PM on July 25, 2003


posted by billsaysthis at 02:03 PM on July 25, 2003


posted by billsaysthis at 02:04 PM on July 25, 2003


posted by billsaysthis at 02:04 PM on July 25, 2003

Okay, will the guy getting a hummer over there in the third row please remember to go out to the parking lot and turn off his headlights. Thanks.

posted by billsaysthis at 02:05 PM on July 25, 2003

Headlights! oh...dammit.

posted by kloeprich at 02:21 PM on July 25, 2003

Can't someone ELSE do it?

posted by StarFucker at 02:45 PM on July 25, 2003

Nobody fucks wit de Jesus.

posted by yerfatma at 07:12 PM on July 25, 2003

My poor Baby Jebus!

posted by billsaysthis at 07:51 PM on July 25, 2003

we could start some movie quote trivia. that may liven the thread up. I'll start. Who said it in what movie? "I've tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball."

posted by jerseygirl at 07:52 PM on July 25, 2003

Was that the John Mahoney character in "Eight Men Out" - Kid something or other?

posted by kloeprich at 08:11 PM on July 25, 2003

Okay that's wrong - just Googled it.

posted by kloeprich at 08:13 PM on July 25, 2003

And, um, duh.

posted by kloeprich at 08:13 PM on July 25, 2003

Pretty sure it's Susan Sarandon in "Bull Durham". "I gotta establish my presence with authority!"

posted by yerfatma at 08:45 PM on July 25, 2003

Pretty sure it's Susan Sarandon in "Bull Durham". Good job, meat.

posted by vito90 at 09:05 PM on July 25, 2003

Good one. Yer, it's your ball.

posted by jerseygirl at 09:15 PM on July 25, 2003

"Hey, let's pop some Viagras and issue tickets with raging, mega-huge boners." Oh well, I guess there's a gimme in the quotation itself, but "It stinks like sex in here" might be too vague. I hate to do business on the lanai.

posted by yerfatma at 09:54 PM on July 25, 2003

Super Troopers - I don't recall who said it exactly.

posted by kloeprich at 10:27 PM on July 25, 2003

Rod Farva. Good enough.

posted by yerfatma at 07:08 AM on July 26, 2003

FB, nice Lebowski link. I've only been to KY once, and it was kinda scary, but this annual fest might be a good excuse to try my luck again. The Dude abides...but don't soil my rug.

posted by garfield at 09:27 AM on July 28, 2003

Third-last post!

posted by Succa at 02:04 PM on July 28, 2003

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