March 24, 2008

The NFL in the year 2000: "Don't be shocked when the 21st century arrives and the NFL teams in Super Bowl XXXIV have women quarterbacks launching 135-yard touchdown passes with their power-assisted arms." Unintentional comedy gold from Sports Illustrated.

posted by Drood to football at 07:06 PM - 19 comments

Saw it on Metafilter. Figured folk here would get a kick out of it. Especially given the one on MF will probably be deleted if it's not fixed. (If you've seen it, you know what I mean.)

posted by Drood at 07:07 PM on March 24, 2008

Thanks for the read Drood. I expect SI: The Vault to keep us all busy for a while. Screw the new stuff, I say.

posted by BoKnows at 08:03 PM on March 24, 2008

The Byron Donzis Story...that would be gold, I am telling you gold!!

posted by Landis at 09:19 PM on March 24, 2008

"In the year 2000, there won't be any contact below the waist." —Bum Phillips, Head Coach, Houston Oilers. This one isn't that far off. only the rule is "Don't hit the QB any harder than you flick your syringe of HGH." It's in the rule book. I'm sure of it!

posted by elijahin24 at 12:38 AM on March 25, 2008

Glad you folk like it. Given the vault was only linked a day or two back I debated whether to post it, but the comedy was too good to pass up.

posted by Drood at 01:01 AM on March 25, 2008

Ya gotta love an article that uses the pseudo-word "irregardless." Methinks SI wasn't combing the college journalism ranks in the late 70's!

posted by tahoemoj at 04:18 AM on March 25, 2008

"There'll be a little metal fleck in the football, so you can tell for sure whether the guy with the ball got over the goal line or was pushed back." —Tex Schramm, General Manager, Dallas Cowboys I'm actually surprised this one hasn't happened yet. The approximate exactness of the referees spotting the ball by eye coupled with the precise measurement of the chain is ridiculous. All in all, I'd say this article was surprisingly accurate in a lot of it's predictions. Of course, the wacky ones that didn't come true and don't even seem reasonable today are what make it great. Can you only imagine if Al Davis were commissioner?!

posted by bender at 07:52 AM on March 25, 2008

Women quarterbacks? How did they know about Chad Pennington in the late 70's?

posted by curlyelk at 08:52 AM on March 25, 2008

OK, grammar aside, that SI article was kinda like reading a book. So, speaking of books and since I'm a sci-fi guy, I think they should use the jump suits from Starship Troopers. With the weapons. The NFL needs high powered artillery and space suits capable of jumping city blocks. Or maybe they should give X-Box controllers to the fans in the stands and have them control the action. Or maybe we should stop watching the NFL and just play Madden. THX activating cloak.

posted by THX-1138 at 11:53 AM on March 25, 2008

That'd be freakin' cool. Madden with real live players... Well, cool if you like to do the mean and horrible things I like to do with them:)

posted by Drood at 01:39 AM on March 26, 2008

women quarterbacks launching 135-yard touchdown passes They may not throw the ball 135 yards but these ladies play a serious game and look damn fine while doing it.

posted by HATER 187 at 06:50 AM on March 26, 2008

They may not throw the ball 135 yards but these ladies play a serious game and look damn fine while doing it. Hater, that was great. This league might be the one place where I spend more time watching the players than the cheerleaders. My wife would take a dim view of $19.95 to watch it, but then it's because I'm closer to Depends Bowl age than Lingerie Bowl age.

posted by Howard_T at 08:28 AM on March 26, 2008

Some of the better predictions. "Everything will become more specialized. On defense, you'll get pass rushers and run defenders, first-down and third-down defensive ends. You'll see relief quarterbacks." —Tom Flores, Head Coach, Oakland Raiders Except for the QBs, Flores was right on. "I don't think there'll be a franchise in a poor-weather area without a domed stadium. And you won't see franchises moving into 50,000-seat baseball-oriented stadiums." —Tex Schramm New England, Buffalo, Soldier Field and the Frozen Tundra are the holdouts, but pretty close. The move away from the universal stadium is well underway. "It's a very tough, very hard game, and I think more and more it's going to be played by the so-called underprivileged. It's too tough, too physical a game for a society that's become so affluent. Kids can get the same great cardiovascular exercise from soccer." —Marv Levy I think this was more true during the 80s, but I don't think it's as prevalent anymore. Not necessarily true because of the toughness aspect, as opposed to the speed that coaches were able to draw out of places like Miami and LA. The coaches will begin to dress alike, and maybe there will be a machine out there doing the coach's job. It'll be second and four, the guy will punch a button on his chest and—wonk, wonk, wonk—he'll say, 'O.K., run off tackle.' " —John Madden, Former Coach, Oakland Raiders Not quite, but a lot of coaches do now have scripts for various situations. "First, they've got to figure out ways to make more of the positions more glamorous. The field must be divided into different colored zones. There's got to be more strategy put into football. It's got to be more of a war game. I'm really very concerned about football because I've loved it all my life, and if it doesn't move ahead, we are going to be a country of soccer players in 2000." —Vintage Byron Donzis Quite wrong, even though this guy was right about better safety equipment. And what else do the NFL seers envision for 2000 A.D.?... The feeling is that rosters will grow, but the schedule will not (you believe that?), and that the NFL won't expand abroad because the foreigners wouldn't be sufficiently interested in an American game played by Americans. No, even in 2000 the referees won't use TV replays to assist them in making their calls.-From the article. 1. Wrong. 2. Wrong. 3. Wrong, but still in an only limited fashion. 4. How very wrong. "No one in the game has even suggested there might be a black head coach in 2000." From the article. Glad to see this one was wrong. Overall a good article.

posted by Bonkers at 01:14 PM on March 26, 2008

maybe there will be a machine out there doing the coach's job. No robot, yet, but most of the teams use fairly sophisticated data mining software to choose the plays. One thing I haven't seen yet (though maybe I just missed it) is that they still use paper photos on the sidelines (e.g., when the QB comes off the field and reviews the last series) when tablet PCs could give them video clips and other software-assisted features.

posted by billsaysthis at 03:40 PM on March 26, 2008

Every time I scroll past this thread I hum the "In the Year 2000" jingle from the Conan O'Brien show. And now possibly, you will too.

posted by BoKnows at 03:40 PM on March 26, 2008

Thanks, Bo. I am now!

posted by hawkguy at 04:09 PM on March 26, 2008

maybe there will be a machine out there doing the coach's job. What about minions of Hades calling the plays? (Beelzichick) In fairness, there are a few coaches whom I suspect of being Cylons.

posted by THX-1138 at 05:09 PM on March 26, 2008

Yeah, cheers Bo. I need to go find a flashlight now...

posted by Drood at 05:36 PM on March 26, 2008

maybe there will be a machine out there doing the coach's job. what about belicheck? "hes more machine now, than man." -obi wan kenobi

posted by elijahin24 at 05:53 PM on March 26, 2008

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