September 18, 2003

Season cancelled? : How about prosecution?! A few NYPD coppers didn't think to use pine cones or golf balls, but were resourceful enough to think of the old trusty broom handle. This story made my stomach turn and my soul impatient for justice.

posted by garfield to football at 12:29 PM - 17 comments

Why are kids so stupid? Whatever happened to shaving cream in the locker? Or... anything else but this? Why does it always come down to sodomy?

posted by lilnemo at 12:40 PM on September 18, 2003

I would prosecution is coming next. It certainly should be.

posted by 86 at 12:40 PM on September 18, 2003

I would assume prosecution...

posted by 86 at 12:41 PM on September 18, 2003

I hope a severe ass-kicking comes next, then prosecution.

posted by lilnemo at 12:41 PM on September 18, 2003

The sodomy trail begs the question 'Are team sports inherently homoerotic?'

posted by garfield at 12:48 PM on September 18, 2003

Welccome to the team... Hand me that there broomhandle Todd.. I need to fuck the new guys. Hey - do you want to be a part of the team or not? C'mon, we're all tough guys here. That's unsettling...

posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 12:50 PM on September 18, 2003

I can't believe I laughed at what you wrote, Weedy, but I did. I saw this at Romanesko's Obscure Store and Reading Room, and the part that stuck with me is that no one would ever have found out if it weren't for the fact that one kid was still bleeding days later, and finally broke down and told his mom. That must have been the toughest conversation of his young life.

posted by Samsonov14 at 12:57 PM on September 18, 2003

Me. Childless. Forever.

posted by vito90 at 01:20 PM on September 18, 2003

Same here vito90.

posted by lilnemo at 01:27 PM on September 18, 2003

Horrible. Words aren't coming to me. Prosecution had better come justly and quickly.

posted by Ufez Jones at 01:40 PM on September 18, 2003

Holy crap. And, I mean, this was at some namby-pamby suburban LI school too. Where do these kids learn such lessons?

posted by billsaysthis at 01:56 PM on September 18, 2003

The PA backwoods, bill.

posted by garfield at 01:58 PM on September 18, 2003

What I want to know is - Did they line them up and do it all at once? Or was it seperate rooms and they didn't know it was happening to more than just them? Because if it was all together at the same time then what were the second and third guys thinking? - 'Oh my, that's not good - but I'm only a third string cornerback and need some friends to move up to second string' - Was the quaterback the guy manning the broomhandle? He is, after all, the captain of the offence. I just imagine he was. Quaterbacks are take charge kinda guys. Also - how do you sodomize a guy with a golf ball? I mean, how do you get it back? I don't think it counts as sodomy if you just put something in there - doesn't the action have to involve repetition to be sodomy? So legally, I think they sodomized them with a broomhandle and a pine cone, but just shoved a golf ball in their ass. There is so much more to this story... Like how so far there's been no mention of alcohol. If you're going to shove a golf ball up your teammates ass, I think social ettiquette manitains that you have to get him drunk first. Did any of them play tight end? I bet you'd quit the team just because the jokes would be so bad.

posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 02:09 PM on September 18, 2003

What happened to the classics, like the Baby Elephant Walk? I'd recommend everyone listen to Party Fun Action Committee's "Beer" while reading this story. Just to set the mood.

posted by yerfatma at 04:58 PM on September 18, 2003

From the article: "A Long Island school board has unanimously voted to end a high school football team's season amid allegations that some players were sexually assaulted by older teammates at a training camp in Pennsylvania last month." garfield, I know you're a lazy cat but please!

posted by billsaysthis at 08:10 PM on September 18, 2003

just playing bill.

posted by garfield at 08:47 AM on September 19, 2003

and finally broke down and told his mom. That must have been the toughest conversation of his young life. I gotta think the seniors on the team coming up to him and telling him what is about to happen would be second on that list of "tough conversations". Scary thought: to think this is the first time that this team has done this would be silly. That would suggest that the sodomizing seniors were probably victims at one point too. It doesn't excuse it, it just makes me wonder why someone would want to continue the chain of pain if they knew how bad it was...

posted by grum@work at 12:59 PM on September 19, 2003

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