August 12, 2009

What if Matt Taibbi Ran the NFL?: One of his changes would be to let the players smoke marijuana. "The league suspended Patriot running back Kevin Faulk a game for getting baked at a Lil Wayne concert and sent peaceful treehead Ricky Williams into a full-year exile. If the NFL really wants to see fewer off-field violence arrests, it should be a little more liberal in its pot policy: Players who drink alcohol tend to punch police horses and drive Escalades into retirement homes; players who smoke stay home, watch old Star Trek episodes, and drool on their shag carpets. The math isn't too tough here."

posted by rcade to football at 04:48 PM - 12 comments

I cannot speak for athletes, but I, sir, have never drooled on a shag carpet after getting stoned and watching Star Trek.

My TV room has berber.

And now, after having actually read the "article", I have concluded that Matt Taibbi is a moron of incredible proportion.

"Here is a haiku that succinctly explains the problem with the current rules:
Corners are helpless
Arena football is gay
Bring back pass defense"

Wow. Moron.

posted by THX-1138 at 06:25 PM on August 12, 2009

Yes, because pasting in a quote and writing "Wow. Moron." is the epitome of intelligence.

posted by dusted at 06:45 PM on August 12, 2009

I'm not a fan of Taibbi. But this excerpt made me wince.

Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison hit his girlfriend in the face because she refused to baptize their child, but he wasn't suspended. ("He was doing something that was good," said the Steelers owner, referring to Harrison's motive.)

Wow. Moron.

posted by cjets at 06:56 PM on August 12, 2009

"The system basically eliminates free agency for bad teams, since they need to reserve 60 to 70 percent of their cap room for some overmatched 20-year-old campus rapist whose pro career will generally be considered a success if he isn't insane from the pressure or wrapping Porsches around telephone poles by his third season."

I reiterate: Wow. Moron.

And dusted, on behalf of all intelligent people, I would like to thank you for your profound contribution to the discussion.

posted by THX-1138 at 07:10 PM on August 12, 2009

On behalf of all morons, I would love to see a Detroit-relegating, weight-limited, pot-allowing, wife-beating-prohibited football league.

Now, back to watching Real Housewives of New Jersey...

posted by dusted at 07:28 PM on August 12, 2009

Now, back to watching Real Housewives of New Jersey...

Wow. Moron.

*I just couldn't resist

posted by BornIcon at 08:34 AM on August 13, 2009

I've come to my own conclusions about THX-1138.

I'm a fan of Taibbi, and it's good to see that his politics tear doesn't stop him writing about sports. It's one of those curate's egg sounding-off pieces, half snark, half serious -- but it's silly to focus on the snark and ignore things like his suggestion of a weight limit that might save a few linemen from dropping dead on the training ground or soon after retirement -- and discourage college players from bulking up excessively to match them.

posted by etagloh at 11:04 AM on August 13, 2009

*I just couldn't resist

I'm glad you couldn't... and didn't.

posted by myshtigo at 11:06 AM on August 13, 2009

I don't know find it cool to use the term "gay" as derogatory, even if it is in the form of some witless haiku. I also think that the rapist statement is reckless. I am not discounting some actual good points like a weight limit (BTW, it's not exactly his own original idea. And just how does THAT one get enforced?), but when you wrap those points in shit they tend to get lost.

Far be it from me to criticize someone trying to make a joke (who am I kidding?), but alluding to SOME rookie QB as a "campus rapist" is moronic. And the gay statement speaks to perhaps a bigger problem that Taibbi has and that causes me to discount any seriousness or validity to any point he is trying to make.

posted by THX-1138 at 11:24 AM on August 13, 2009

Well, now, there you go making some valid points. We pay you for snark THX, and I think it's tragic that you were forced to sink to such depths of validity and rationale. But you do it well, sir.

posted by tahoemoj at 12:48 PM on August 13, 2009

The weight limit would never fly. As soon as it was put in, some 350-pounder with speed that would make a snail look quick and who wouldn't know what a tackle looked like would sue because he had been discriminated against. I can hear the activists now crying about how "girth-challenged" people are the victims of the evil fast-food vendors and capitalists everywhere. The player would demand a tryout, and even when he showed he couldn't play, would insist that he was cut because of discrimination. Damages would be awarded in 7-figure territory by a jury that through careful selection by the plaintiff's lawyers averages over 300 pounds, which the lawyers would split among themselves, except for enough to buy a lifetime supply of burgers and fries.

The idea of a two-tiered system of relegation and promotion is not a bad one. It would work well for nearly all major-league professional sports. The owners of the "bad" clubs could profit if a transfer fee system were also imposed. (This is actually the way major league baseball used to operate before free agency. Remember when the Kansas City Athletics were a Yankees' farm team? If you go back to the days before WW2, the minor league operators were often independent, and made their money selling developing talent to the major league clubs.) In Detroit's case, you could call transferring players "Cash for Clunkers".

Why anyone would want to pollute the Indian Ocean by chaining Bret Favre to a rock there is beyond me.

posted by Howard_T at 02:30 PM on August 13, 2009

You're not logged in. Please log in or register.