February 17, 2006

Darren Daulton, Moonbat: "Reality is created and guarded by numeric patterns that overlap and awaken human consciousness, like a giant matrix or hologram," writes the .245 lifetime hitter.

posted by dzot to baseball at 04:03 PM - 17 comments

I thought catching was just bad on your knees. Dutch did wear a helmet didn't he?

posted by Wrigley South at 04:26 PM on February 17

Holy Cow. Poor Dutch. As a born and bred fan of the Phillies, I feel especially bad for him. I saw him do many amazing things on the diamond. Most memorably Veterans Stadium, the '93 World Series game 5, he hit a double that pretty much won the game. He should have hung out with Lenny Dykstra and Krukker more often. All they did was drink and gamble and smoke and chase girl,ahh, the memories of my heroes of the past. To quote John Kruk,"I'm not an athlete, I'm a baseball player..." haha priceless.

posted by GoBirds at 04:34 PM on February 17

Good thing he didn't play football. 11 vs. 11, man, that could have really blown his mind.

posted by tselson at 04:48 PM on February 17

Whoa, didnt even think of that. His jersey number wasnt 11 either....weird and spooky.

posted by GoBirds at 05:19 PM on February 17

"I can't wait to disappear," he says. "I'd disappear today if I could." Wow, that must be some really good sh!t that he's on. Maybe he did hang out with Dykstra and Kruk a little too much!

posted by wingnut4life at 05:24 PM on February 17

Ah, it's just living in the metaphysical pineal gland of the universe: Pinellas County. It explains why the Devil Rays haven't won a Series. The guys are each playing in their own reality. I wonder if Daulton has ever met Bill Lee?

posted by ?! at 06:21 PM on February 17


posted by westcoast at 06:29 PM on February 17

LET US PRAY! And drink this funny tasting kool-aid and take a nap...

posted by wingnut4life at 07:07 PM on February 17

did i just read that? was that a joke? is today april 1st. what the f*ck? is he serious? i don't understand. What a nut job, he must have taken too many foul tips off the catcher's mask

posted by erkno11 at 07:25 PM on February 17

So... for people that are really into metaphysics, it becomes as close to a religion as possible for that person, certainly it is a creed for life. I think that people should be careful to be so quick to insult someone for their beliefs, whatever those beliefs may be.

posted by everett at 07:50 PM on February 17

I think that people should be careful to be so quick to insult someone for their beliefs You are absolutely correct. I forgot that religion was being discussed in the James Dungy thread. I apologize.

posted by wingnut4life at 08:13 PM on February 17

At 44, Daulton is not nearly the same guy he was at 24 or even 34. "I didn't have my first out-of-body experience until I was 35," he says. Curiously, the epiphany occurred at one of baseball's holiest shrines -- Wrigley Field. "I hit a line-drive just inside the third base line to help win a game," he recalls. "The strange thing was I didn't hit that ball. I never hit balls inside the third base line!" He left the ballpark in tears. "I told my wife, 'It wasn't me who swung that bat! It wasn't me!'" he says. "She thought I was Looney Tunes." Someone ought to get video of that pivotal game to see who it actually was that swung that bat. Methinks Daulton's been taking warmup pitches from Sidd Finch without a mask. Either that, or those pretty little fillies Daulton's been bagging have literally blanked his brains out.

posted by L.N. Smithee at 08:42 PM on February 17

He has a friend in Britain. David Icke used to keep goal for Coventry City and then became a sports presenter. He thinks we are being controlled by reptilian humanoids. Interview with the sports pages of The Guardian here.

posted by owlhouse at 04:01 AM on February 18

Come on Darren WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

posted by zane71 at 05:49 AM on February 18

"I've been thrown in jail five or six times," Daulton says from his home in Tampa. "Nicole thinks I'm crazy. She blames everything on drugs and drinking. But I don't take drugs and I'm not a drunk. Nicole just doesn't understand metaphysics." Neither does the jailer, apparently.

posted by dzot at 11:51 AM on February 18

I'm not going to judge him harshly- I've read too much Terence McKenna to rag on a guy for mentioning the whole Mayan calendar thing... :) Personally, I like stuff like this, and while he might be a bit kooky, I'd rather a little kooky than some one-dimensional meathead. In a weird way, I trust the eccentrically weird more than the conventionally sane: the latter seem more dangerous to me in some weird way.

?!: Ah, it's just living in the metaphysical pineal gland of the universe: Pinellas County. It explains why the Devil Rays haven't won a Series. The guys are each playing in their own reality.
Bitchin' comment, dude. :) And wow, and think about the fact they had Lou "Piniella" as their coach for a few years. I'm frickin' surprised they didn't immanitize the Eschaton in a 7th inning stretch!!!

posted by hincandenza at 08:36 PM on February 18

Actually, this sounds suspiciously like the kinds of things a long-term meth addict says. I have a relative who is a meth addict. He was a normal human for 40+ years, then he got hooked on meth. Now he says stuff like this. This is part of the reason so many meth addicts end up dead or in jail. They don't commit crimes just to feed their habit, but also because they think they have a special role in the universe and that God or Mayans or space aliens or whatever will protect them. (My relative thinks he's a prophet.) I hope he finds help.

posted by drumdance at 09:52 PM on February 21

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