February 06, 2006

Woods beats Els in playoff to win Dubai Classic: Tiger is 2 for 2. How many can he win this year?

posted by dbt302 to golf at 12:50 AM - 47 comments

My best guess is Tiger will win around 7 or 8 tournaments with two majors in 2006. His driving is still too erratic to go completely nuts and win over 10 tournaments. If he ever gets his driving under control he'll be unbeatable. He hits around 50 percent of his fairways now and is in contention every single time he tees it up. The bigger question is, what year will he pass Jack's 18 major titles? Tiger needs 8 more professional majors to match Nicklaus. If Tiger averages 3 majors every two years he'll pass him in 2012, when he's 36, which means he should put the record way out of reach because he'll have 5 or so majors left in him still.

posted by donnnnychris at 01:38 AM on February 06, 2006

GawDamn that guy is good. Lousy tipper though.

posted by GoBirds at 03:58 AM on February 06, 2006

The general feeling in the clubhouse yesterday after it was all over (and a particularly talentless band were murdering some particularly dreadful songs) was that while it was all very impressive that Tiger had won again, it was also very depressing that, even when he's playing badly, people still seem to fall away from him more than they do anyone else. The thing for me that set him apart as absolutely having the instinct required to win happened on the 17th tee in the final round. I don't know what you saw on TV, but on the ground, he did something I don't think many others would have. It was is honour, so he teed his ball up and pulled out his driver. He was going for the green, which wouldn't be clear for at least five more minutes. All day, when one (or two) players in a group decided to try and do likewise, they invited the other member(s) of the group, who wanted to lay up, to play first and walk ahead to save time. Both of Tiger's playing partners had pulled fairway clubs and wanted to lay up into the corner of the dogleg. If either of them asked to play first, I didn't hear them, but Tiger certainly didn't invite them to. Eventually, the green cleared and he drove it. The shot was impressive, but, for me, making Goosen and Hansen wait was even more so. Doing that would not only have irritated them both and distracted them, but also it said "I'm in charge here, so we'll work to my time frame" Everything about that five minute period, from the calmness with which he waited, and the coldness with which he refused to invite his playing partners to play first, and finally the shot he eventually hit, just oozed class and superiority. Another very impressive thing about him was the way he played the last hole in regulation play and in the playoff. He struggled all week to work that hole out. The dogleg is to the left, but the camber throws the ball right. Paradoxically, for most players, the hole is only a reachable par 5 when the tee shot plays into the (prevailing) wind, as it did yesterday. Downwind, the water is just about in play off the tee with a driver, and it's almost impossible to hold the fairway with a three wood (down-wind, down-camber). And no (right handed player) likes trying to hit a hard draw downwind. For Tiger, even into the wind, the water is in play with a driver off the tee, but a three wood leaves him a long way back and between clubs for his second (3-wood and his longest iron). In the end, he figured out the best (and maybe only) way for him to play the hole was to hit three wood off the tee and then another three wood into the green, even though the second one was too strong. In doing so, he took the water out of play for both shots, and the worst that could happen with his second shot would be that he'd hit it too far and end up getting a free drop out of the grandstand. I was standing about fifty feet from him when he hit the approach in regulation play, and about 45 feet from him when he hit his approach in the playoff. I hadn't moved. To say he had the tee shot pegged by the end of the tournament is an understatement. He drove it wildly all day, but when it came down to it, he hit three perfect tee shots (at 17 and twice at 18). 2006 so far - two bad performances full of Seve-tastic scrambling - two wins in playoffs. Ominous for the rest I'd say.

posted by JJ at 04:19 AM on February 06, 2006

Nice post JJ, thanks!

posted by Bill Lumbergh at 06:14 AM on February 06, 2006

JJ Thanks for the coverage. Excellent post. I watched Tiger in person his 1st year on tour at the Western Open played at Cog Hill and saw him the previous year as an ametuer also at Cog Hill. It was like night and day as far as the demeanor he showed on the tee box. He is without a doubt the finest Golfer to ever play the game. I wouldn't bet against him winning the Grand Slam when he gets his driver together and he will get it together, he always finds a way. Can't wait to see him in Augusta.

posted by skydivedad at 06:39 AM on February 06, 2006

Geez, jj, your post was better than the story. Nice job. Tiger's just such a great scrambler, but those errant tee shots are getting ridiculous. He's still the big shot king, though, and how you described him taking charge and making the others wait is what makes him so good. He IS in control, and every single player knows it. If he ever starts keeping his driver on the course, he'll torch the field twice as much. Too bad Els had to screw up the playoff hole, but hopefully he's back to near 100 percent. The game needs all of it's big names.

posted by dyams at 07:10 AM on February 06, 2006

In case some of the new people here (9066, fer chrissakes!) haven't noticed, you can read more of JJ here. Highly entertaining, if much too infrequent.

posted by Amateur at 08:13 AM on February 06, 2006

Making others wait is perhaps a sign of ultimate psyc control (ever try to slow down in front of a jerk driver on the highway? Bet you cant last more that 15 seconds, let alone 5 minutes), however a sign of class? Don't think so. Hate Arnold and Jack comparisons as its apples and oranges, however both class players never would have done this because they had enough confidence in their games to know they could win without the mind-games. Perhaps when Tiger learns to control his big stick, he won't need to work so hard at controlling the pace of his groups play! BTW did anyone see the FBR? Now there's an up and comer. Average drive over 320 for the whole round, never missed a fairway (almost) and an easy win by 6 strokes. Perhaps the elusive Tiger challenger in a few years.

posted by gg at 08:28 AM on February 06, 2006

$3 million for showing up and $2.5 million for winning. Even if had lost he still would have won for the weekend.

posted by Turbo at 08:28 AM on February 06, 2006

Cheers for the plug, Amateur - the money's in the mail. I felt sorry for Els - he came back to the clubhouse from the presentation to an ovation the likes of which I've never seen - but he just looked miserable. However, I do think he took the wrong option after his errant tee shot (which itself wasn't as bad as it probably looked on TV). Woods left himself some work to do after his second shot. A four wasn't a certainty and a three was unlikely; as such, Els probably ought to have laid up and backed himself to get up and down for four. I suppose it just illustrates the point I was trying to make before - Tiger makes great players do things they wouldn't normally do. He scares opponents into making wrong decisions in the heat of the moment. He keeps his head when those around him are losing theirs. I think the disappointment for the golf fan is that his golf isn't actually as good as it seems to be in the minds of his fellow players. That was illustrated yesterday when the overall scoring wasn't very hot (compared to the rest of the week) and yet the weather was perfect and (from what I could see) there weren't too many dangerous pins.

posted by JJ at 08:37 AM on February 06, 2006

Turbo - I think the $2.5m was the total prize fund - Woods got 400,000 for winning (and $3m for turning up). You can argue against the appearance money, and I'm sure if you're a journeyman pro it might be hard to stomach, but at the end of the day, I suspect it was $3m well spent by the organisers and that they sold a lot more advertising on the back of that investment than they would have done without Woods in the field.

posted by JJ at 08:41 AM on February 06, 2006

Tiger Woods is the greatest golfer ever. He never loses a lead once it is established and if he gets behind, he is never out of the tournament. The man has ice in his veins.

posted by mcstan13 at 08:43 AM on February 06, 2006

Yesterday put his playoff record to 13 wins and only one defeat. Pop quiz - without the help of Google or any of its bastard children - who beat him?

posted by JJ at 08:49 AM on February 06, 2006

I didn't need Google, but only because I just saw this on the Golf Channel the other day. Billy Mayfair beat him back in 97 or 98...can't remember which tournament though. I'd love to see them in another playoff now. Think Tiger would lay down for him again? I actually think it's amazing that Tiger's as good in playoffs as he is. I know his focus is unmatched, but for such an elite player his errant shots seem to happen far to often, but that again just brings to light his amazing scrambling abilities. Impressive win after all that travel. More impressive, might have been what JB Holmes did in Arizona. That kid has some game and seems like he'll be better than a one hit wonder.

posted by smg at 10:06 AM on February 06, 2006

pop quiz answer...because I heard on last weeks TV coverage...Mayfair at LA, the year that tournament was at a different venuwe than Riveira

posted by Leominster at 10:11 AM on February 06, 2006

Anyone have any thoughts on J.B. Holmes performance over the weekend? I'm not into golf at all but i was glued to the tv watching him this weekend. He is from my town and his dad is my insurance agent.

posted by scottyooooo at 10:49 AM on February 06, 2006

The old addage, "Drive for show, putt for dough", in my opinion, still holds true today. Will Tiger really be that much better if he can hit more fairways? I think it can help him some but not to the degree that is being implied on this post. He will be the number one player in the world as long as his unmatched short game stays in tact.

posted by panteeze at 11:21 AM on February 06, 2006

Will Tiger really be that much better if he can hit more fairways? I think his own personal game will be much better if he keeps it in the fairway. He'll still get his wins, and, for the most part, dominate the sport. But if he can control his driver more consistently, he'll even improve his own stellar short game. I enjoy watching him pull out the driver, but on a lot of courses he'll only have to hit 3 wood or a long iron. Wondering what the U.S. Open rough conditions will be like, if he doesn't see any fairways, he's going to have to do a heck of a lot of grinding.

posted by dyams at 11:45 AM on February 06, 2006

If you think of the game as a line, with driving at one end and putting at the other, the line is a whole lot thicker at the putting end. If the course is typical, there will be four par threes, four par fives and ten par fours. These days, it is very unusual (and unimaginative course design) if a pro is hitting a driver on every long hole, so you've got to think there will only be at most ten times he's going to need to hit his driver in any given round. To play this typical course in regulation, half the shots will be putts. To cut a long post short (for a change), putting problems are going to kill you a lot faster than driving problems. As for the US Open - Seve (a notoriously wayward driver of the ball) once remarked about a course "I wish they would make the fairways twenty yards narrower, then everyone would have to play from the rough and not just me." At the US Open, that's essentially what they do. Everyone grinds that tournament.

posted by JJ at 12:06 PM on February 06, 2006

Having played golf for many years and covered golf as a member of the media for a while as well, I can tell you that driving is definitely not just for show. The game opens up and becomes much, much easier when a player puts the ball in the fairway. The fact that Tiger continues to win while spraying his driver all over the place is a testament to his incredible scrambling skills. But if anybody cares to remember the one year he did control his driver enough to keep in play on a more consistent basis, well, he went kind of crazy. What year was that? 2000, of course. He won 3 majors and had nearly 10 total wins (and if I'm correct, he did reach that number counting overseas wins). So to say that driving it in the fairway isn't as important as the other factors of the game is showing a lack of golf knowledge, both as a player and an observer. The game is worlds easier from the middle of the fairway. Just ask Tiger. I have (back when he used to play the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am, which I covered for several years), and he says the same thing.

posted by donnnnychris at 12:25 PM on February 06, 2006

showing a lack of golf knowledge, both as a player and an observer donnnny, I think you're about to suffer the fate of Count Dracula. Now that's enough whoring for JJ for today. I feel dirty.

posted by Amateur at 12:39 PM on February 06, 2006

Well, whatever the fate of Count Dracula is, that's fine. The truth of the matter is that driving is an integral part of being a successful golfer on the pro tours, or a successful golfer, period. No matter how wild a player is, the weeks that he (or she, for that matter) wins the driving in the fairway percentage usually goes way up. Without a solid drive, the rest of any par-4 or par-5 is an absolute scramble to save par. With a drive in the middle of the fairway any pro will tell you the options for the type of shot that can be played increase ten-fold. Driving certainly isn't the most important aspect of playing golf, but it is one of many equal parts to an entire equation. Anyone with any golf knowledge realizes that, Count Dracula or not.

posted by donnnnychris at 01:23 PM on February 06, 2006

Well donnnny, if you're saying that I don't know anything about golf, you'll get absolutely no argument here.

posted by Amateur at 01:33 PM on February 06, 2006

I don't think the argument was ever, "Driving well does nothing to help a pro," Donnnnnnnnnnnnny. That'd be ridiculous. People watch the big hitters on the PGA Tour and want to be like them. Driver manufacturers tout all the extra length you get out of their new XR-4763.14145 Ultra Graphite Flubber III. But what pays the bills are those 32-40 strokes you take on and around the green. Driving is certainly a key component, and being in the middle of the fairway 140 yards out is a hell of a lot easier than being in the second cut 100 yards away. But the fellow who can consistently sink those 6-10 footers and drain a goodly portion of 20-30 monsters will be the guy who wins, no matter where they where after the first shot.

posted by wfrazerjr at 01:43 PM on February 06, 2006

Ok, here's an example of someone who has shown the importance of being in the fairway. Does the name Phil Mickelson ring a bell? Seems kind of funny that this guy, one of the best putters in the world for years and years (and I'm not making that up, check the stats) couldn't get over the hump in the majors until he realized he needed to throttle back on his drives and put it in the fairway more consistently. After he won The Masters in 2004 he went back to his go-for-broke style and blew a couple more majors before he throttled back again, and surprise, won the PGA Championship in 2005. Want more examples? Ok, let's look at Vijay Singh. Possibly the worst putter among the top players in the world by a long shot and he still has 28 career wins and 3 major titles. Why? Because he's a machine who puts his ball in position on every hole, thus giving himself more opportunities to make or, in his case, miss putts. Putting statistics have and always will be the most misleading statistics on the PGA Tour. Number of putts means nothing because a guy can miss the greens in regulation on all 18 holes and then one-putt each hole for an even par round of 72 with 18 putts. And even putts per greens in regulation is hard to gauge because where was the initial putt from? If a guy gets a 2-putt from 80 feet I'd say that's a nice job. But in the putting stats it's a 2.0 for the hole, which is considered a horrible average. See my point? The thing about this whole argument is, the player wouldn't have an opportunity to miss or make the putt without being successful on the way to the green. A good drive sets up a good iron shot which sets up a solid chance for birdie. So if the drive or iron shot isn't executed then the player can be the best putter in the world and it won't matter, he'll be putting for par all day long and languishing on the mini-tours for the majority of his career.

posted by donnnnychris at 02:16 PM on February 06, 2006

Tiger will pass Nicklaus by 2010 at the rate he is going now. He is by far the best short game player in the field.

posted by madduxper at 02:25 PM on February 06, 2006

Want more examples? No. Unfortuantely we're not big fans of empirical examples used to prop up a pet theory (I realize this is a sea change from working in the mass media). Driving counts. Putting counts too. I feel like we've made a breakthrough here today. Everybody take tomorrow off.

posted by yerfatma at 02:35 PM on February 06, 2006

Good Luck Tiger...I know you will break all records

posted by cornstark at 03:30 PM on February 06, 2006

What counts is the final score...period.

posted by fieldman at 03:30 PM on February 06, 2006

So to say that driving it in the fairway isn't as important as the other factors of the game is showing a lack of golf knowledge, both as a player and an observer. DonnyChris, I felt the need to tell you I am an avid golfer, 5 handicap, and an avid observer of the game. I never said driving the ball in the fairway is not important. I can see why your not in the field of journalism anymore. I think you should read the posts more carefully before jumping to unwarranted conclusions. Don't they teach you to get the facts in journalism? If I had to choose between being a great putter or a great driver of the ball, I will always take a good flat stick. Example: Fred Funk! Great driver, but short on wins.

posted by panteeze at 04:42 PM on February 06, 2006

Read my statement more carefully panteeze. Most of the comments said that putting is more important than driving and I disagree with that, based on my experience as both a player and writer in the world of golf. I feel no need to go into the details of my opinion on this subject because I've already laid out my reasons for feeling this way. And as for me not being in the field of journalism anymore, that was a financial decision. Taking a personal shot like that without knowledge of my personal situation is "jumping to unwarranted conclusions" wouldn't you say?

posted by donnnnychris at 05:28 PM on February 06, 2006

Brad Faxon is on line 3.

posted by yerfatma at 06:43 PM on February 06, 2006

Taking a personal shot like that without knowledge of my personal situation is "jumping to unwarranted conclusions" wouldn't you say? Donny, I stand by my earlier statement. You did jump to conlusions and made a generalized observation to suit your opinion. I really think the only reason you posted a response was to tell us all that you asked Tiger a question and played in the pro am. Let go of your ego.

posted by panteeze at 07:54 PM on February 06, 2006

Anyone who doesn't think Tiger is a great putter is mistaken. he has the uncanny ability to hole crucial putts at the most clutch of times, and his short game is defintely superior to his driving ability. Although I would not argue with anyone who would say he has put together the most remarkable stretch of golf EVER, I would not concede nicklaus's mark of major championship titles yet, and to do so is merely speculation. Golf is the most demanding (in terms of the size of the field) and fickle of sports, and any number of things could preclude his run at the record. But damn, aren't we lucky to see him chase jack?

posted by mjkredliner at 09:31 PM on February 06, 2006

I didn't play in the pro-am panteeze...wish I would've, but I didn't...I was working that week. But anyway, enough of this subject, time for everybody to let go and move on.

posted by donnnnychris at 10:02 PM on February 06, 2006

donnychris - I wasn't trying to say driving wasn't important, just less so than putting if we're talking about a round in isolation (as opposed to a career choice). Driving the ball in the fairway all day feels great (I've heard) because it takes the pressure off if you're always hitting your approach shots from the optimum position, but there's nothing more demoralising than doing that all day and then being unable to convert that into red numbers. In a funny sort of way, I think Tiger finds it easier to focus when he's hitting it all over the course - it's almost like it's too easy for him when it's going well, and the errant driving produces little tests of his golfing imagination and powers of escape. I really like that about his game. It reminds me of being a child and wanting to hit it in a bunker because putting was boring. My point really was that if I had to choose a part of my game to suffer a meltdown, I would choose driving. Partly this decision would be swayed by the fact that I've always been Phil-tastically obsessed with length (Dr Freud on line 4, Mr Faxon is still waiting on 3) and consequently have been known to spray it all over the county myself, so driving was never what my game was built on. But also, I think a collapse in your ability to putt quickly filters into the rest of your game the way a collapse in your driving can't. If you can't get the ball in the hole from outside two feet, that puts big pressure on your chipping and pitching. If that pressure breaks your chipping and pitching, that puts big pressure on your approach shots (because you feel like you can't afford to miss the green), and if that pressure breaks your approach shots, that in turn feeds back and puts pressure on your driving. If your driving goes haywire, it puts pressure on the different facets of your game in a different way - you know you will have to escape and then chip and putt well, but the pressure is coming from what you have just done (i.e. hit a bad drive) and not from a fear of what you might be about to fail to do (i.e. hole a putt) - it's the fear of the known verses the fear of the unknown. The latter fear is always more destructive (in my opinion). I took that Freud call. I agree that Phil* had a lot of success when he choked back and stopped trying to take the skin off the ball with his driver, but that was as much a wholesale change in his approach to the game (from 'outright attack' to 'considered') as it was a change in one aspect of it (driving). Besides, it's not like he wasn't having a lot of (non-major) success with his old strategy, he just realised that there's something a bit special about a major, something that requires a more considered approach. It's very seldom that someone takes a major by the throat and chokes it to death, which was always Phil's preferred method of winning on tour. Using examples though is a bit pointless - there are plenty of examples of good drivers who couldn't putt not winning things, as there are of good putters who couldn't drive. All I'll say is that the guy who has the best driving stats for the week doesn't win as often as the guy who has the best putting stats (however skewed a picture those stats can offer). Speaking of stats - another pop quiz - in 1997 when Tiger took off the Masters' head and shit down its neck, winning by 10 and equalling a scoring record that had been said to be locked up in the past (on the slower greens), he didn't lead the birdie count for the week. Who did? (yerfatma - two things - first: I didn't think the day would ever come when a Brad Faxon joke would make me laugh aloud, but that one just did. Second: I had a meeting yesterday with a very nice Arab gentleman whose name was Yeftma. I asked if he was any relation, but I don't think he got it.) *This is pure gossip and I could no doubt be sued by Mickelson Enterprises for repeating it in a public forum, but what the hell. ***I had a sudden change of heart when it struck me that maybe Sportsfilter could get sued too and deleted the rumour... sorry***

posted by JJ at 11:22 PM on February 06, 2006

You filthy tease. Dr. Freud indeed: I've always been Phil-tastically obsessed with length and . . . known to spray it all over the county myself . . . I think a collapse in your ability . . . quickly filters into the rest of your game . . . If you can't get the ball in the hole from outside two feet, that puts big pressure on you . . . If that pressure breaks . . . you know you will have to escape I'm bathed in sweat here. Slap a Fabio cover on it and go.

posted by yerfatma at 06:19 AM on February 07, 2006

Seems like if you're driving it all over the course, playing out of the thick rough and constantly in trouble off the tee, you'd better damn well have a great putting game, because you're going to be leaving yourself some long birdie putts or par-saving putts. As for Tiger, 47 PGA wins, 10 majors; I'd say he's better at most everything than other golfers on any given day.

posted by dyams at 07:26 AM on February 07, 2006

It's a whole new artform I'm working on - thinly disguised golf porn. Which reminds me - I must go and see if I can become less of a hooker by putting an extra stiff shaft in my driver. Here, hold my balls while I'm gone...

posted by JJ at 07:41 AM on February 07, 2006

Extra stiff indeed. If there's anything you don't want flex in, it's your shaft. I mean, you can't expect to control your head if it's snapping all over the place. And I must to say JJ, your balls, while quite dimply, are smooth to the touch. I feel dirty. Who has a towel?

posted by smg at 09:12 AM on February 07, 2006

Ball washer.

posted by yerfatma at 10:25 AM on February 07, 2006

I love being a witness to greatness. The Bulls Championship years, Steelers super bowl run. Nicklaus winning all his majors. Go Tiger get all the majors you can. I pray that Jack is around, and when his record is beaten you will see a true Legend congratulate another Legend.

posted by funeralguy61 at 10:29 AM on February 07, 2006

Amen to that - someone said it earlier - you can say what you like about him, but I feel lucky to be watching golf in this era. Love him or hate him, he makes it a lot more interesting than some generally overweight prodders were making it before he came along. I am reminded suddenly (from I-know-not-where) of a great call made on the course on Saturday. A friend who was at the tournament with me sent me an SMS (phones on silent, naturally): "Woods is hitting it everywhere, but he's scrambling well. He's a got a bit of a Dennis Wise on 12 though." I text back: "A Dennis Wise?" and the reply came: "Yeah - a nasty wee five-footer. Holed it though. Pint?"

posted by JJ at 10:53 AM on February 07, 2006

That's excellent. I didn't know who this Dennis Wise character was, but after looking him up he certainly looks nasty. I'm going to have to come up with an American version for that. Can't think of any nasty five footers right now except for one of my best friends wives...which will be effective, but only in select company. Any suggesstions are welcome! Also, I find myself rooting against Tiger a lot of times (e.g. last years Masters) but not because I dislike him, more because I want to see more people challenge him and get a better rivalry going. Rivalries in sports always make it more entertaining but when Tiger tees it up, most people back down. Jack once said that he knew when he tee'd it up at the start of a tournament he only had to beat about 5 guys, because the rest of the field would beat themselves (or something to that effect). Tiger tees it up every week and thinks that the only person that can beat him, is himself. His mental edge is pretty amazing. A lot of other pros aren't "scared" but they play like it sometimes. DiMarco played some amazing golf last year at the Masters (especially for a shorter hitter) and was so close to chipping in for the win on 18, but I can't think of another time recently when someone took him down to the wire in a big event like that. DiMarco has played well in majors recently (just won overseas too) but I'm not sure he's got the overall game to give Tiger a challenge every time they tee it up. Everyone talks about the "Big Five" but those guys never seem to get the best of him. So basically all this means, is Tiger is clearly a cut above the rest and he's only 30. And if he breaks...uhem...when he breaks Jack's major record, Jack will be there with a smile, to say "well done kid."

posted by smg at 11:32 AM on February 07, 2006

All I'll say is that the guy who has the best driving stats for the week doesn't win as often as the guy who has the best putting stats (however skewed a picture those stats can offer). Well said.

posted by panteeze at 11:36 AM on February 07, 2006

Yeah, all that big five talk went on for a while - just long enough to put an end to any such concept it would seem. With the benefit of hindsight, it was really a slumped Tiger and a little four. smg - I have an e-mail at home with a load similar golfing expressions. I'll post it in here some time. For the moment, the ones I remember - An Arthur Scargill; nice strike, shame about the result. An Adolf; two shots in the bunker. A Paula Radcliffe; not pretty, but a great wee runner. That's about all I can remember, but then it is almost five in the morning and I'm standing up at a terminal in an airport waiting for a flight that has been delayed four hours so far and half the function keys on the keyboard are either missing or make me write in Arabic, so cut me some slack.

posted by JJ at 06:51 PM on February 07, 2006

OK - home now, but haven't slept for 48 hours, so here's the list someone sent me in an e-mail: Concerning Bunker play An Adolf Hitler - taking two shots in a bunker Concerning Ball striking An Arthur Scargill - a great strike but a poor result A Kate Winslett - a bit fat but otherwise perfect A Rodney King - over-clubbed An O.J. Simpson - somehow got away with it A Condom - safe but didn't feel real good A sister-in-law - up there but I know that I shouldn't be A Sally Gunnell - ugly but a good runner A Paula Radcliffe - not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell but still a good runner A Bobby Sands - a bit thin A Ulrika Jonsson - fair crack down the middle An elephant's erse - high & sh*ty And putting A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't A Arthur Askey - nae legs (left short of the hole...) An Auxiliary Nurse - shaved the hole To the list I would add a couple of Northern Iriash favourites: A Gerry Adams - a provisional A David Trimble - a weak wee prod

posted by JJ at 11:12 AM on February 08, 2006

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