11/05/24
January 12, 2005
Turn-Ons: Angry Karate-Kickin' Centerfolds: Carmella DeCesare, the 22-year-old Playboy playmate girlfriend of so-not-gay Cleveland Browns quarterback Jeff Garcia, is on trial for grabbing a dance club pole and executing a flying head-kick to one of his ex-girlfriends.
I would hit it like a Carmela DeCesare flying head-kick off of a stripper pole. ? /fark
posted by NoMich at 10:35 AM on January 12, 2005
PMOY 2004, nonetheless
posted by garfield at 10:39 AM on January 12, 2005
No Playmate ever took out an ex for me. I guess I'm not gay enough. Or maybe it's just a Cleveland thing. Is this what Playmates do in Cleveland during the long cold winters when their so-not-gay QB boyfriends come home after a losing season? Because, like, okay, good to know.
posted by chicobangs at 10:51 AM on January 12, 2005
Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by that? /Chandler
posted by MeatSaber at 11:31 AM on January 12, 2005
So not-gay Jeff has a thing for skanky raven-haired girls with really bad skin?
posted by mick at 11:51 AM on January 12, 2005
mick, it is wrong to typecast someone's attractions, but -- yup.
posted by chicobangs at 01:39 PM on January 12, 2005
This article about his testimony should contain the disclaimer: "warning: the following article contains a picture of Jeff Garcia."
posted by chris2sy at 01:59 PM on January 12, 2005
Hot or not, why would anyone pay $10/month to join her website? I'm pretty sure, even though the crappy one page free tour does not cover this, that you do not get access to pr0n video of her.
posted by billsaysthis at 02:28 PM on January 12, 2005
Garcia is still gay no matter what. just look at him!
posted by bigwhisky at 02:59 PM on January 12, 2005
gay.....or an alien!!!!
posted by garfield at 03:04 PM on January 12, 2005
Are you kidding! No way he's gay. Look at that gorgeous, violent italian woman.....rowr!
posted by insomnyuk at 03:28 PM on January 12, 2005
I wonder if his next move is to send her after T.O.
posted by daddisamm at 03:47 PM on January 12, 2005
Garcia doesn't look gay - he sounds gay... If we're going to be infantile and moronic about it. And from what I can tell, looking gay really means 'looks better than you'.
posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 04:57 PM on January 12, 2005
Don't worry, Fox will have the footage on a show called "When Playmates Attack!!" in no time at all.
posted by chris2sy at 04:58 PM on January 12, 2005
And from what I can tell, looking gay really means 'looks better than you'. I hope you mean this as a general rule and aren't applying it to the specific case. Because I shudder to think that Jeff Garcia is prettier than 50% of any normal grouping of human males.
posted by yerfatma at 05:20 PM on January 12, 2005
look in the parking lot before the game, see who's at the tailgate party. garcia isn't a model but i'd wager he's better looking than 50% of the men in the stands. unless that is not a normal grouping of human males.
posted by gspm at 05:43 PM on January 12, 2005
Jeff Garcia's sexual orientation (and gspm's and yerfatma's, for that matter) aside, I'm just upset that he's dating her...cuz I know I'm better looking than him, and that means I mighta had a shot...
posted by MeatSaber at 06:38 PM on January 12, 2005
psst... I don't think she's dating him for his looks...
posted by rocketman at 07:19 PM on January 12, 2005
Yes, it's for his huge schlong, I understand.
posted by wfrazerjr at 08:05 PM on January 12, 2005
I remeber when "gay" meant "being happy!"
posted by daddisamm at 08:09 PM on January 12, 2005
1824?
posted by yerfatma at 08:40 PM on January 12, 2005
Except for that even Garcia himself thinks he's ugly or he wouldn't have gotten so offended over someone calling him ugly way back when.
posted by chris2sy at 09:58 PM on January 12, 2005
So basically Bradshaw calls him ugly, and then a week later makes him sound like a crybaby for not coming to the phone to accept his apology. Way to go, Terry!
posted by rcade at 10:19 PM on January 12, 2005
Because Bradshaw is such a fine looking fellow.
posted by Mr Bismarck at 01:23 AM on January 13, 2005
How did you find that, Mr. Bismarck? I wonder if Jo Jo Starbuck ever kicked one of his exes? She could've done serious hurt with those skate blades.
posted by rcade at 07:30 AM on January 13, 2005
Google is your friend.
posted by Mr Bismarck at 07:51 AM on January 13, 2005
From the article linked by Chris2sy above: Garcia was so offended by the comment that he refused to come to the phone and even speak with the Hall of Famer. Eventually, Garcia's dad had to substitute for his son and accept Bradshaw's apology. So, the implication here is ... Garcia is dating Playboy Playmates and hauling in millions as an NFL quarterback ... and he lives in his parent's basement! Wow, I wonder if he's blowing all his cash on Star Wars figurines!
posted by wfrazerjr at 09:11 AM on January 13, 2005
Nice catch. Maybe he's just putting the dough away until he meets the right playmate.
posted by yerfatma at 10:03 AM on January 13, 2005
Just for the record, the hottie was acquitted.
posted by billsaysthis at 02:44 PM on January 13, 2005
"Excellent. Now to rid her of that pesky Garcia fellow" [mr.burns voice]
posted by garfield at 02:54 PM on January 13, 2005
But she was not acquitted of the charge of sexual intercourse with Jeff Garcia...she's guilty of that.
posted by chris2sy at 04:03 PM on January 13, 2005
Chris, talk about punishment fitting the crime!
posted by billsaysthis at 06:49 PM on January 13, 2005
Nasty phone calls and threatening voice mails followed and culminated in a confrontation last Aug. 21 at the Tramp nightclub. Hilarious. I wonder if this will up the value of the Garcia autographed jersey I just bought?