October 28, 2003

"A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.": Looking for instances of dumb things said by Joe Theismann, I came across this list of dumb sports quotes said by lots of folks. Utter hilarity ensues when people try to use words they don't know.

posted by Jaquandor to culture at 10:38 AM - 18 comments

I generally find Theismann to be an inexhaustible fountain of dumb things to say -- like just the other night when the Bills played the Chiefs, when on the second play of the game, Theismann yelps out, "I love the way Bledsoe is managing his offensive line tonight!"

posted by Jaquandor at 10:40 AM on October 28, 2003

Nice find, Jaquandor. I've never tried Astroturf either. Anyone hear Dan Marino identify a pentagon as eight-sided yesterday on Howard Stern? He must have a stop sign and the HQ of the more powerful army in the world confused.

posted by garfield at 10:49 AM on October 28, 2003

I love a good sports quote. Here's my favorite, from the weightlifting category: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria....I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing." -Pat Glenn - Weightlifting commentator

posted by vito90 at 10:51 AM on October 28, 2003

My fav: human racing: ""There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class." -David Coleman at The Montreal Olympics" Great link, jaq.

posted by Ufez Jones at 11:02 AM on October 28, 2003

I'm reminded of great play-by-play from the Olympics many years ago, a basketball game featuring the USSR team. Read it aloud for maximum benefit: "Yurin dribbles down court, Yurin shoots, Yurin scores! Yurin is hot tonight!"

posted by vito90 at 12:04 PM on October 28, 2003

Darren Pang was doing color on a Avs/Hawks game one night, and was talking about how tough the play on the ice was. They showed a replay of Stephan Yelle fighting through a Chris Chelios check, and Panger said, "look at the way Yelle beats off Chelios..." you could hear a couple guys in the backround fighting back giggles... Also, during a local broadcast of a Wings/Blues game, the Wings had taken like 5 penalties in the 1st half of the 1st. Mickey Redmond, frustrated by the one-sided officiating, said, "If I was one of the Wings, I'd skate up next to one of the Blues players and just take a dump"...

posted by MeatSaber at 12:32 PM on October 28, 2003

"If I was one of the Wings, I'd skate up next to one of the Blues players and just take a dump" That would be an ESPY-winning clip for sure.

posted by Samsonov14 at 12:45 PM on October 28, 2003

Nice link Jaquandor. Here's some good quotes from dim-witted footballers and managers. My favourite of this selection: "Everyone's got tough games coming up. Manchester United have got Arsenal, Arsenal have got Manchester United and Leeds have got Leeds" Bobby Robson

posted by squealy at 01:11 PM on October 28, 2003

Ooops, forgot one of my favourite Bobby Robson anecdotes: "Armchair football fans sometimes worry about 70-year-old Newcastle United manager Sir Bobby Robson, troubled that his absent-minded air is a sad by-product of age. Motherwell boss Terry Butcher offers welcome proof that Bobby has always been rather unfocused. Twenty years ago, as Ipswich manager, Bobby was approached by an autograph-hunter who apologised for pestering Bobby with a request he probably faced hundreds of times a day. "Hundreds and hundreds, lad," Bobby replied, "hundreds of signatures, every day - but it goes with the territory, always glad to oblige." When the fan examined the autograph, it was signed: "Bobby Hundreds."

posted by squealy at 01:15 PM on October 28, 2003

Gold. It will be a sad day for me when Yogi Berra dies. I've never seen him play so I have no appreciated for what kind of player he was but those bon mots! A hall of fame quote machine if there ever was one (well, at least I am under the impression that he isn't as dumb as he sounds and he's genuinely having fun with language).

posted by gspm at 01:39 PM on October 28, 2003

Everybody remembers Keith Olbermann on SportsCenter years ago describing a double play ball: "That's 6-4-3 if you're scoring at home...or even if you're alone." But I preferred Dave Niehaus' version, back in like '78 during the radio broadcast of a split-squad spring training game from Arizona: "That's 6-4-3 if you're scoring at home, but I don't know why you would be."

posted by vito90 at 02:17 PM on October 28, 2003

Somewhat off-topic, but speaking of Mickey Redmond, during the playoffs in 1992 the Red Wings beat the North Stars on a Fedorov overtime goal that was only confirmed by replay some time later. After the goal was scored, play continued because it was one of those bang-bang kind of things. After saying something definitive about how it was certainly a goal because of the sound it made, IIRC, Mickey refused to do color commentary for the rest of the post-goal action as a protest because it was all pointless, as the game was over.

posted by holden at 02:32 PM on October 28, 2003

Some of these - Lke Daulton and Kruk's were totally tongue-in-cheek. And Larry Anderson had a few other great quotes like: "How come we park on the driveway and drive on the parkway?"

posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 02:56 PM on October 28, 2003

"It's deja vu all over again" So Yogi Berra is responsible for that phrase! Aargghhh!

posted by dusted at 04:08 PM on October 28, 2003

I agree Weedy, most of the ones on the link aren't indicative of dumb quotes, just tongue in cheek or sarcastic comments. My all-time favorite announcer comment came in a college basketball game (I believe it was a first round NCAA game) about 10 years ago between Texas and Georgia. The announcer said something to the effect, "The star players for both of these teams not only excel on the court, but are both excellent studets. Alec Kessler (Georgia's star) will graduate with a 3.91 GPA in Microbiology and Travis Mayes (Texas star guard).... will graduate in 4 years."

posted by dales15 at 01:15 AM on October 29, 2003

Yeah, some of these aren't "dumb" at all, and I had forgotten how hilarious John Kruk was. I remember that he had surgery once to, well, remove one of his testicles after a cancer episode, and he showed up to subsequent spring training with a t-shirt that read, "I'm gonna take my ball and go home".

posted by Jaquandor at 08:29 AM on October 29, 2003

Yes. Many of these are likely humourous or ironic statements. And everyone makes mistakes when speaking, changing your emphasis part way through a sentence, or (in the case of commentators) when new stimuli makes what you started to say redundant. That said, a couple of years ago I cringed when the score cable channel telephoned Phil Borque and asked his thoughts when Mario Lemieux announced his un-retirement. I'm devestated, Phil said, it's the best the thing to happen to the NHL, I'm just devestated he's doing this.

posted by Philfromhavelock at 05:36 PM on October 29, 2003

Hey, while you're all here, so to speak, anyone know who said, when asked what he had done with the money he'd earned, "Well, 90 percent I spent on wine, women, and song, but the other 10 percent I wasted." (I believe it was a baseball player, and the quote may not be verbatim.)

posted by alex_reno at 04:23 AM on October 30, 2003

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