12/21/24
September 10, 2011
Cats Cause Coastal Carolina Coach Consternation: Coastal Carolina Chanticleers coach Dave Bennett said in a press conference this week that his players should be dogs instead of cats. "Be a dog," he said. "We don't need no meows. We don't need no cats. We need more dogs."
Stop the presses! Somebody nobody's ever heard of said something goofy in a press conference.
posted by bender at 09:44 PM on September 11, 2011
Sure, Howard, but I imagine cats are rather uncoachable.
posted by tron7 at 01:34 AM on September 12, 2011
Not these ones.
posted by owlhouse at 04:28 AM on September 12, 2011
Pat Sajak: Now remember, this is a headline.
Contestant: Is there a "C"?
Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding
(studio audience goes wild; Vanna turns and beams as the board lights up)
Contestant: I'd like to solve.
posted by beaverboard at 10:44 AM on September 12, 2011
Cats are built to hunt and kill. Their ears are large and can be pivoted to pinpoint the direction from which sounds are coming. Their eyes adapt to darkness, enabling cats to stalk their prey at night. Their claws are formed to hold their prey, their fangs are lethal, and their whiskers are sensors that help them locate prey when it is too close to them to be seen. Cats do not fight by nature, but a mother cat will defend her litter, and cats will make marks to indicate their territory. Cats are fast, incredibly athletic, and strong for their size. If I were trying to develop a team of animals for a hunting contest, I'd pick cats every time. Cats don't need a lot of coaching to be very good at what they do.
Dogs run in packs. A dog needs a leader to do all of his thinking. Dogs are really good at making a lot of noise, but then backing away from anything that is threatening. Herding dogs, working dogs, and hunting dogs are quite useful. Toy breeds, most of the smaller terriers, and other small mixed breed dogs are useful only for practicing one's drop kicking skills when the dog starts yapping. Dogs are not particularly athletic, but they can run well, both for speed and distance. Dogs need to be led - all the time.
This coach complains about a kitten meowing at him. The cat thought the coach might have given the cat something good, or at least have given it some better direction on what to do. Perhaps this is the coach's problem with his team. He couldn't lead the cat out the door, but it was probably that the cat knew that staying inside was the better course of action. A dog would have gone out, sat in the middle of the road licking its balls, and gotten run over by a truck.
I note the team nickname is the "Chanticleers". Is this not another name for a rooster? Coach, get your animals straight. Maybe you do emulate the rooster by getting up early, making a lot of noise, and strutting around. At least the hens are producing something.