04/19/24
October 16, 2005
Football for Jihadists: "Hell awaits those who die playing soccer according to rules established by heretical countries, at the head of which is America." -- part of a fatwa issued against soccer, translated from Arabic
So many gods, so few sports.
posted by roberts at 09:29 AM on October 16, 2005
Man, there's some great language in this: "...winning with overtime and penalty kicks is the pinnacle of imitating heretics and international rules." It reminds me of the Cultural Revolution, when you could get anybody strung up on a lightpole just by calling 'em a capitalist roader. Heretics and international soccer players, beware!!!
posted by lil_brown_bat at 09:32 AM on October 16, 2005
I'm onboard with 13: "You should spit in the face of whoever puts the ball between the posts or uprights and then runs in order to get his friends to follow him and hug him ..."
posted by rcade at 09:32 AM on October 16, 2005
Again they're kidding right? If not Islam has officially jumped the shark if it hadn't already.
posted by fade2244 at 09:36 AM on October 16, 2005
Great find, rcade. I was always knew I was on the higway to hell, season ticket on a one-way ride. This story obviously proves it.
posted by Texan_lost_in_NY at 09:43 AM on October 16, 2005
Number 13 probably explains the actions of El-Hadji Diouf.
posted by Texan_lost_in_NY at 10:13 AM on October 16, 2005
Rather play in one half or three halves in order to completely differentiate yourselves from the heretics At which point is it not a half anymore?
posted by rockin_the_suburbs at 10:44 AM on October 16, 2005
6. Do not play in two halves. Rather play in one half or three halves in order to completely differentiate yourselves from the heretics, the polytheists, the corrupted and the disobedient. They need to put a fatwa on their math teachers. How do you get three halves?
posted by mkn at 11:31 AM on October 16, 2005
Great username, rockin. Makes me want to change mine to fred_jones.
posted by rcade at 11:31 AM on October 16, 2005
Shit. That's what I get for leaving the window open while I go to do something else.
posted by mkn at 11:32 AM on October 16, 2005
mkn, you are clearly an American devil and I spit in your face--do you not know that modern mathematics was developed by faithful Muslims inspired by Allah!
posted by billsaysthis at 01:33 PM on October 16, 2005
Islam doesn't seem to be a lot of fun. I think I'll stick with agnosticism.
posted by squealy at 01:55 PM on October 16, 2005
I cannot believe this! This is insane! Are these limitations only placed on soccer? What about other sports - what kind of regulations are on those? Better yet, why don't they just go ahead and say that they shouldn't play sports at all since other "heretical countries" play them, and that wouldn't be "differentiating themselves from the heretics, the polytheists, the corrupted, and the disobedient".
posted by ohiodonnell at 03:54 PM on October 16, 2005
No restrictions on hockey as far as I know.
posted by yerfatma at 04:43 PM on October 16, 2005
Wow, it was only a few years ago that footie was nominated for a Nobel Peace prize.
posted by gspm at 07:06 PM on October 16, 2005
And, of course, you will still receive 99 lashes for employing any variation of the heretical, running dog, imperialist "bicycle kick."
posted by The_Black_Hand at 07:27 PM on October 16, 2005
When you lose, dont you sometimes feel like you'v already been thru hell?
posted by tinner57 at 08:22 PM on October 16, 2005
When you lose, dont you sometimes feel like you'v already been thru hell?
posted by tinner57 at 08:26 PM on October 16, 2005
And back again.
posted by squealy at 04:47 AM on October 17, 2005
Can someone please put a fatwa on ESPN's brainless idiot Tommy Smyth?
posted by owlhouse at 08:19 AM on October 17, 2005
Do not use the phrase "There's the bulge in the old onion bag." This is the practice of heretics in America and elsewhere, probably Ireland.
posted by Hugh Janus at 12:32 PM on October 17, 2005
Wrong...in Ireland, it's the 'tater sack. Heathen.
posted by The_Black_Hand at 03:51 PM on October 17, 2005
They're kidding right?