11/05/24
November 12, 2003
That is one unathletic peacock.: How can we fix NBC’s utter lack of a sports lineup?
posted by forksclovetofu to other at 07:04 AM - 32 comments
And that’s about it for me. I’ll be in my trailer if you need me; let me know when the backlash starts.
posted by forksclovetofu at 07:07 AM on November 12, 2003
Forks: I appreciate all the work you're putting in here. I think the next one you do ought to be a column, since that's the place on SportsFilter for discussion starters of this kind.
posted by rcade at 08:35 AM on November 12, 2003
On the subject, I wonder if NBC could become successful by focusing on the kinds of sports that do so well for it in the Olympics. That's the last big sports telecast the network is known for among fans (aside from the Derby), and today's kids seem more interested in watching individual sports like snowboarding and skateboarding than in team sports like football. My kids know the names of more skateboarding pros than NFL pros.
posted by rcade at 08:41 AM on November 12, 2003
Forks: I appreciate all the work you're putting in here. I think the next one you do ought to be a column, Fork, I concur w/ rcade (hi rcade, how you doing). Your style of posting is perfect for the SpoFi columns, which, btw, would benefit greatly from your ideas, energy, and pure stamina. Welcome and go to it!
posted by worldcup2002 at 09:55 AM on November 12, 2003
(Great, worldcup2002. And you?)
posted by rcade at 10:04 AM on November 12, 2003
I think NBC is doing the right thing here by staying out of the fray. FOX thinks it is building itself up by spending lavishly on sports, and Murdoch may be right about the World Series and the NFL cementing the fourth network in viewer's minds. Eventually, however, just like free-agent contracts in baseball, the price of televised sports will come down, and it will only be accelerated by the No. 1 network sitting out. When pro sports come back down to a reasonable level, then you'll see the peacock back and proud. Now, who do I speak with about getting Notre Dame dumped?
posted by wfrazerjr at 10:09 AM on November 12, 2003
(good, rcade, thank you. No hard feelings? we should probably stop whispering now.)
posted by worldcup2002 at 10:22 AM on November 12, 2003
Is anyone else secretly pining for the day when one of the pro sports leagues, teams, or broadcasting networks crashes and burns because it threw around so much money? (No hard feelings. Now come here and give me a big hug.) I know I shouldn't wish for that, since my Texas Rangers are a poster child for the ill-spent dollar, but still ... it would be fun to watch.
posted by rcade at 10:26 AM on November 12, 2003
(I thought whispering was done all small-like. Yes wc2002, if things are smoothed over enough how about treating us to another interview. Umm, if I could hear you guys correctly. You were whispering after all). Is NBC just being smart by staying away from the big price tags of the sports it has given up?
posted by gspm at 10:29 AM on November 12, 2003
I actually miss watching the NBA on NBC. I will never forget the lead in music. I also concur on the column idea.
posted by jasonspaceman at 10:32 AM on November 12, 2003
how do you guys do the little typing?!?
posted by wfrazerjr at 10:40 AM on November 12, 2003
you have to press the keyboard really softly, like....
posted by smithers at 11:11 AM on November 12, 2003
I LOVE that NBC has abandoned sports coverage. Their soft-focus, personal-interest, cry-me-a-frickin'-river Olympics coverage was enough to make me tune out. I couldn’t believe that I was turning off the TV during running and swimming events, but I just couldn’t stomach the saccharine. Now, if we could just get CBS to drop NFL games, or at least Phil Simms and Greg Gumbel, I’d be a happy man.
posted by dusted at 11:33 AM on November 12, 2003
Well what do you know? smithers is right. FWIW the situation appears (not that I read any link bar the main one) to be similar to the tv over here. The BBC used to have loads of top sports coverage but has now virtually given up even bidding, especially for football. I'm afraid Rupert Murdoch's evil empire has a lot to answer for.
posted by squealy at 11:37 AM on November 12, 2003
how do you guys do the little typing?!? tiny keyboard.
posted by jerseygirl at 12:12 PM on November 12, 2003
WFRAZERJR
Got your attention?
Good.
To get the "little typing" place the text you wish to minimize between these tags (sans the leading space of course)
< small> Text you want small here. < /small>
Results in: Text you want small here.
posted by lilnemo at 02:11 PM on November 12, 2003
does this work? ok, now I want to know bold! and cursive! and I want to learn the tango!
posted by wfrazerjr at 02:18 PM on November 12, 2003
Big! Strikethrough! thats all i know.
posted by jerseygirl at 02:31 PM on November 12, 2003
Argentine Tango Dancing.
There can only be one...
Tango de la Muerte!
posted by lilnemo at 02:33 PM on November 12, 2003
Oh and wfrazerjr,
Here's a cheatsheet.
...The monkey made me do it...
posted by lilnemo at 02:36 PM on November 12, 2003
Jspace, did you know? And here you go. rantSay, didn't ANYBODY click the OTHER SEVENTY SEVEN links that I posted? Didn't you get that the whole "sports on nbc" was just an excuse to link to a bunch of ridiculous sports? C'monnnnnnnnn! Buzkashi! Women wrestling! Sepak Takraw! Cricket spitting! Doesn't anyone have a day job that involves sitting in front of a computer all day doing nothing? Don't you?
/rant my god, i just went from vital to bitter in record time. maybe nbc would like to broadcast that. still, thanks for the compliments guys. I'll submit the next linkstravaganza as a column. Column Title Suggestions?
posted by forksclovetofu at 03:08 PM on November 12, 2003
Column Title Suggestions? linkstravaganza
posted by garfield at 03:39 PM on November 12, 2003
Jspace, did you know? Yes I did. It was more like a Pavlov response than actually liking the song so much.
posted by jasonspaceman at 03:51 PM on November 12, 2003
Column Title Suggestions? SEVENTY-SEVEN LINKS! Good god, fork, what do you do for a living?
posted by worldcup2002 at 04:02 PM on November 12, 2003
I play Sepak Takraw. And zuni poi. And koob. And wushu. GABBA GABBA HEY!
posted by forksclovetofu at 04:24 PM on November 12, 2003
why do i feel stupid for expecting an answer like "i work in an office"?
posted by jerseygirl at 04:29 PM on November 12, 2003
;)
posted by jerseygirl at 04:29 PM on November 12, 2003
damn, those <small> tags are easier than the <font> tags I've been using. good thing I didn't answer the question. and hey FCT - do you really play those sports? those are some interesting activities.
posted by gspm at 04:45 PM on November 12, 2003
FCT, I'm in line for a career change, which of those games pay money? JG, strikethrough is outdated and been replaced by del. Neener neener.
posted by billsaysthis at 06:23 PM on November 12, 2003
You gotta love a sport that resembles onomatopoeia . Bork Bork Bork!
posted by forksclovetofu at 06:53 PM on November 12, 2003
wfrazerjr: <tango> this is how you do the tango....</tango>
posted by smithers at 11:46 PM on November 12, 2003
With the NBA and the NFL both starting their own Networks, baseball contractually obligated elsewhere, the majority of NASCAR on Fox, boxing off network TV for decades, The Open on the USA channel and virtually everthing else on ESPN; what kind of sports can NBC show in a year without an Olympics? Not much... unless it MAKES a sport. Television has a proud history of creating athletic events to catch the eye of the fickle and gullible public. Some of these strange sports have proven to be viable; NBC is still smarting over the fiasco of one that was not. Never fear Bob, the master of cloven tofu is here to help with six suggestions that will light you the way to sure-fire sports hits! If I could just begin my presentation with Point One: You need to get more XXXTREME!!!!1!!! Kids love those extreme sports. But they like them even better if they're XXXTREME!!!!1!!! So give the people what they really want. Give them elevator and subway surfing, lawn mower racing, exxtreme rope (an "accidental discovery"), exxxtreme ironing, and (of course) xxxxtreme sleeping. XXXTREME!!!!1!!! Point Two: to build a brand, you've got to get those consumers while they're young. Once they become savvy and hip (around six, these days) they get jaded and unsentimental. So catch them in their diapers and milk them for all they're worth. Give them competitive yo-yo(nothing there, but what a great logo!), give them marbles, cup stacking, hopscotch and jump rope. And since 15% of children six to nineteen are obese, why not give them competitive eating? You'll be sure to sell ad time for the new curling video game during "Glutton Bowl 2: Eat Up Fatty Fatty!" Point Three: Sports are no longer the arbiter of cool. The Williamsburg/San Fran/London crowd could care less about who's in the Superbowl and that's bad for your business. You need to recapture this cynical portion of your audience pronto with something new and innovative. Unfortunately with the advent of the Internet, everybody's already seen it all. In the post Goatse era (SFW, I promise), even my grandmother knows about furries (ditto). So you're going to have to be REALLY outrageous and original to catch the cooler-than-thou's collective attention and appeal to the trendsetting cognoscenti. Give them "lunatic fringe" sports like zorbing, tire flipping for gpp, skijoring, cheese rolling, squirrel fishing and offroad unicycling. Those beatnik types that wouldn't be caught dead watching a 'Skins game will be calling all their little hipster friends into the room to watch Buildering faster than you can say "Uh Oh Chongo!" Point Four: Bob, I should hardly have to tell you this: Sex Sells. Wrestling Sells.
Women Wrestling Will Sell.
Heck, these little ladies just want a chance to show that they're just as serious about competition as the next guy. Best of all, if things should happen to get a little, um, racy; there's your sweeps week episode right there. It's a win-win situation, Bobby. Point Five: We're competing in a global market. We have to speak in a language that those dirty foreigners can understand. Just as a for instance: When you say basketball, the Brits hear netball. They think it's a _girl's_ game, Bob. A _girl's_ game. We need tougher, high flying, culturally diverse diversions to keep the world plugged in. I think America is ready for Inuit knuckle-hopping, one foot high kick and tap-out ear pulls; the high-flying sport of Sepak Takraw and the Afghani carnage of buzkashi. It _is_ a small world, after all. Last point: Human degradation is hot, Hot, HOT! Nothing attracts more eyes to a television screen than a group of people debasing themselves in the most rank manner possible. Mix in a little athletic competion and you've got a hit show. While certain opportunities to belittle others have been cut short, the depths of the human imagination (and depravity) run deep. Better hurry, though; it looks like the competition is already ahead of the game. There it is Bob. Your primetime primer. Best of luck with what you've got, but I do wish you'd give some serious thought to what we've discussed here today.
Just remember these words to the wise: the average twenty-one year old American male would prefer to watch professional cricket spitting over Coupling.
Just a thought.