October 30, 2010

The Hoser's NFL Picks 2010 -- Week Eight: NFL picks that wish they could have attended the Rally to Restore Sanity.

posted by wfrazerjr to football at 05:02 PM - 7 comments

Welcome to Week Eight of the 2010 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where YouTube has us wishing for the return of Terry Tate: Office Linebacker.

Last week was completely freaking awful -- again. Just 7-7 straight up and 5-9 against the spread, the only redeeming feature of Week Seven was our ability to grasp Norv Turner's complete suckitude in the Lock of the Week. Seriously, Chargers fans, how have you not stormed the front office with torches and pitchforks demanding this guy's head?

Remember these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as signing for Fed Ex shipments out of Yemen.

Denver (+1.5) at SAN FRANCISCO (41.5): We'd count the Broncos out, but from what we've heard, one of their quarterbacks is apparently pretty close with some dude named Jesus. 49ers 24, Broncos 20.

Jacksonville (+6.5) at DALLAS (42.5): See above and they'll win this week, but down the road Jon Kitna doesn't have a prayer with this group of slags. Cowboys 31, Jaguars 17.

Washington (+2.5) at DETROIT (44): The Lions get Matthew Stafford back under center, and we'll keep betting this is the week the Racists run out of luck. Lions 23, Racists 21.

Green Bay (+5.5) at NY JETS (42): Jen Sterger could win this game for the Jets by threatening to show the Packers cell-phone shots of Rex Ryan naked in a pair of Crocs. Jets 23, Packers 20.

Carolina (+3) at ST LOUIS (37): There have been some questions about Rams running back Stephen Jackson playing this week after finger surgery. You do realize this guy finished the season with a broken back last year, right? Rams 23, Panthers 14.

Miami (+2.5) at CINCINNATI (43.5): The Dolphins will be pissed after getting jobbed in Pittsburgh last week, while the Bengals will be uhh, the Bengals. Dolphins 22, Bengals 16.

Buffalo (+8) at KANSAS CITY (45.5): We heard an excellent question posed this week how can anyone trust Buffalo's coaching staff when it couldn't identify Ryan Fitzpatrick as the starter during this year's training camp? Chiefs 26, Bills 23.

Tampa Bay (+3) at ARIZONA (39.5): We had to read this line two or three times before it sank in the Bucs are a dog in this game? Dude, when it's Derek Anderson that supposed gave your team a lift, you're done. Buccaneers 22, Cardinals 17.

Tennessee (+3) at SAN DIEGO (44): Another mystery line 5-2 vs. 2-5 and it's a field goal at home? Again, please bear in mind Norv Turner is involved. Titans 23, Chargers 17.

Seattle (+2.5) at OAKLAND (42): We wouldn't have bet on the Rayyydahhhs scoring 59 points the remainder of the season, but how can we bail on them now? Raiders 26, Seahawks 20.

Minnesota (+5) at NEW ENGLAND (44): The question on everyone's mind is will Brett play? Our answer is: it doesn't matter. Patriots 27, Vikings 19.

Pittsburgh (PK) at NEW ORLEANS (43.5): You have to figure Ladell Betts is thinking about changing his last name to "Ebony." Steelers 22, Saints 19.

Houston (+5.5) at INDIANAPOLIS (49.5): Yeah, yeah, we know, we know this ain't your Daddy's Texans. Still, in the end it'll be the Colts saying, "Who's your daddy?" Colts 27, Texans 20.

Lock of the Week: San Francisco

Trifecta: San Francisco, St. Louis, Tampa Bay

2010 Week Seven Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 7-7
Against The Spread: 5-9
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-40

2010 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 60-46
Against The Spread: 42-56-8
Lock of the Week: 2-5
Trifecta: 0-7
Money: $-4,030

2010 Week 6 Money Spent: $20
2010 Week 6 Money Made: $0
2010 Season Money Spent: $80
2010 Season Money Made: $0
2010 Total: $-80

The format will stay as it has been each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta (6:1 odds) and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we'll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We'll use Danny Sheridan's line in the USA Today each week.

posted by wfrazerjr at 05:03 PM on October 30, 2010

The US government could show mercy on British NFL fans by sequestering the Broncos and Niners until Monday while their equipment is searched for implosive devices in the wake of the ongoing air fright bomb investigation.

posted by beaverboard at 05:43 PM on October 30, 2010

Again, I don't get the Dallas games' odds. They're gonna lose.
And there's no way Detroit is favored over Washington - we'll see.

posted by bobfoot at 02:47 AM on October 31, 2010

ongoing air fright bomb investigation

Air fright? Pun or typo, bb?

posted by Howard_T at 01:35 PM on October 31, 2010

Not looking too bad so far. The Rams have already won and the 49ers are up a TD with two minutes to play. I put $10 on those two plus the Bucs to cover to win $50 -- keep your fingers crossed!

posted by wfrazerjr at 04:02 PM on October 31, 2010

Detroit beat Racists by 12, pick looks good to me.

posted by billsaysthis at 10:27 PM on October 31, 2010

I did hit the trifecta this week, but the Titans cost me a seven-team parlay where $5 would have brought me $350. Nailed the other six -- screw you, Norv Turner!

So far this week I'm 8-4 both against the spread and straight up. Maybe there's a little light at the end of the tunnel.

posted by wfrazerjr at 11:53 PM on October 31, 2010

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