11/05/24
September 19, 2008
The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week Three 2008: NFL picks that think everything goes better with backbacon.
Welcome to Week Three of the 2008 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where our focus makes Paula Abdul look like Garry Kasparov.
A lapse in concentration cost us a huge week. We spent three days trumpeting Arizona again to our friends and for some reason we instead put Atlanta down as our Lock of the Week and in the Trifecta. That simple gaffe wiped out a monster 10-3-2 ATS effort to go with an 11-4 straight up performance.
Still, we pocketed $150 (instead of $1,050 argh!) and through the first two weeks, were up $190. Were not breaking the bank, but were not looking like the Lehman Brothers, either.
What is with the proliferation of bad quarterbacking this season? Not only do you have old guys popping up everywhere, but even some of the young bucks are stinking it up. Carson Palmer, are you listening? Wed bet the Bengal front office is looking for Akili Smiths phone number right about now.
Remember these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as having Al Davis speak at your workplace about job security.
Kansas City (+5.5) at ATLANTA O/U 36: Matt Ryan vs. Tyler Thigpen. Man, thatll put the butts in the seats! Maybe Atlantas learned to run twice for every pass attempt. Falcons 23, Chiefs 14.
Oakland (+9) at BUFFALO O/U 37: Justin Fargas finally looks like hes going to shine for the Raiders, and then he injures his groin again. Forget Huggy Bear Jr.-- dude just needs a hug. Bills 22, Raiders 17.
Houston (+5.5) at TENNESSEE O/U 38.5: Didnt anyone in the Texans organization consider they might want to make the new stadium just slightly hurricane resistant? Where was that blueprint drawn up Haiti? Titans 21, Texans 17.
Cincinnati (+13) at N.Y. GIANTS O/U 41.5: This line looks way too big until we consider a) the Giants beats the Rams last week by 28, and b) The Bengals suck almost as badly as the Rams. Giants 34, Bengals 17.
Arizona (+3) at WASHINGTON O/U 42: There is a downside to Kurt Warners resurgence Matt Leinart may now have time to impregnate the entire Arizona State University womens basketball team. Cardinals 30, Racist Jerks 17.
Miami (+13) at NEW ENGLAND O/U 35.5: Dolphins receiver Ted Ginn Jr., will finally show up this week on the back of Miami-area milk cartons. Patriots 29, Dolphins 17.
Tampa Bay (+3.5) at CHICAGO O/U 35.5: We love Da Bears, but when Brandon Lloyd is your top option at wideout, youre in for a longgggg season. Bears 20, Bucs 17.
Carolina (+3) at MINNESOTA O/U 37: Wed have to think Viking fans cant be too thrilled about the Tarvaris Jackson experiment ending only to see Gus Frerotte trot out to take his place. Thats like replacing Charles Nelson Reilly with Jm J. Bullock. Panthers 20, Vikings 14.
St. Louis (+9) at SEATTLE O/U 44: The Seahawks signed Koren Robinson and traded for Keary Colbert this week to shore up their wide receiving corps. Couldnt they find better hands down at Pike Place Fish Market? Seahawks 29, Rams 22.
Detroit (+4.5) at SAN FRANCISCO O/U 46: A 12-year-old Lions fan approaches Matt Millen at a game and says, "I was looking in your bedroom window last night and I saw you and your wife doing it. Nyah, nyah, nyah!" Millen answers, "The joke's on you, kid I wasn't even home last night!" 49ers 23, Lions 20.
New Orleans (+5) at DENVER O/U 51: This contest should be listed as New Orleans at Enver,-- because theres no D-- to be found. Broncos 30, Saints 22.
Pittsburgh (+3) at PHILADELPHIA O/U 45.5: When he gets married, do you think DeSean Jackson will drop his wife right outside the honeymoon suite door? Eagles 28, Steelers 24.
Jacksonville (+6) at INDIANAPOLIS O/U 41.5: The Colts won last week with a grand total of 25 rushing yards. They might only need 20 this week. Colts 30, Jaguars 17.
Cleveland (+2) at BALTIMORE O/U 39: Can we officially change the clich to soft as Donte Stallworth--? This guy plays about as often as a Village People 8-track. Ravens 19, Browns 16.
Dallas (-3) at GREEN BAY O/U 52: Cowboys WR Terrell Owens said last week he and Eagles QB Donovan McNabb didnt get along in Philly because McNabb was jealous of TOs popularity. Yeah, were sure it had nothing to do with Owens being a self-centered douchebag. Cowboys 30, Packers 26.
Lock of the Week: Arizona
Trifecta: Arizona, Indianapolis, New York Giants
Over/Under Good Buys: Cleveland/Baltimore UNDER, Jacksonville/Indianapolis OVER
Week Two Results:
Straight Up: 11-4
Against The Spread: 10-3-2
Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
Money Banked: $+150
Season Results:
Straight Up: 20-11
Against The Spread: 18-11-2
Lock of the Week: 1-1
Trifecta: 1-1
Money Banked: $+190
The Hosers format: The format will stay as it has been for the past two seasons each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, well jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. Well use Danny Sheridans line in the USA Today each week.
Couldnt they find better hands down at Pike Place Fish Market?
Yes, yes they could. Those guys can play some serious catch with fish.
The weekly Hoser picks are a nice Friday tradition to keep going, even if an evil imp stole all your apostrophes.
posted by curlyelk at 02:28 PM on September 19, 2008
I don't know what's going on with the apostrophes. I think they end up in the same black hole as all Detroit Lions draft picks.
posted by wfrazerjr at 03:21 PM on September 19, 2008
Loved the Millen slam!
posted by Lioncrazy at 06:02 PM on September 19, 2008
Well said, well said. I feel your pain on the Atlanta pick from last week, though. I somehow picked them for the Survival Fantasy League. Didn't work out so well.
The DeSean Jackson honeymoon scenario is timeless. (applauds)
posted by boredom_08 at 06:05 PM on September 19, 2008
Fraze, you've outdone yourself this week! Some of your finest musings ever, methinks (I'm just glad I'm old enough to appreciate the C N Reilly/J J Bullock reference.) And bless you for predicting the Bengals post 17 points. If they can do that, while allowing under a c-note, I'll come away this week feeling like a big fat winner.
posted by tahoemoj at 07:44 PM on September 19, 2008
While I too, am old enough to appreciate the Reilly/Bullock reference, this Viking fan is excited to see what Frerotte can do. And, given that the coaches have benched Jackson for the year gives me hope that they will move on from thinking he's the guy to lead the franchise into the future.
I have hope!
posted by dviking at 10:22 PM on September 19, 2008
Chargers v Jets Monday night?
Before you decide, know that the defense called a players-only meeting this week to fix their nagging problems (secondary with more tackles than the front 7). The last time they had a players-only meeting was just before they ran a winning streak that landed them in the AFC Championship game.
posted by Toad8572 at 01:17 PM on September 20, 2008
Our bad on the Monday Night game -- we had to hurry home for Taco Night on Friday (shut up!).
The Hoser likes the Chargers to win the game handily. Mighty-mite Darren Sproles is a great change-of-pace for LT, and even if Tomlinson is limited, he and a hot Philip Rivers will be enough to take more of the magic out of Brett on Broadway.
Still, we smell a late touchdown in this one to bring it under the line. Chargers 29, Jets 21.
posted by wfrazerjr at 06:27 PM on September 20, 2008
The Lions suck.
posted by Ying Yang Mafia at 10:25 PM on September 21, 2008
This contest should be listed as New Orleans at Enver,-- because theres no D-- to be found. Broncos 30, Saints 22.
Great stuff. Thanks. Tampa Bay is going to beat the Bears. I'm warning you. There is still time to change your pick!
Signed, Home Team Homer
On preview, it looks like we are stuck on bold.