September 12, 2008

The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week Two 2008: NFL picks that don't understand what Gene Upshaw did that was worth commemorating.

Welcome to Week Two of the 2008 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where like a major political candidate, were right down the middle.

The Hoser kicked off the season with a pretty milquetoast week 8-8 ATS and 9-7 SU. We did manage to hit the Lock of the Week, which may be the first time weve ever actually called an Arizona game correctly. Through the first 16 games, were up an astounding $40.

All this noise about Tennessee Titans QB Vince Young supposedly being distraught and suicidal when he says he was eating chicken wings at a friends house it has to be taken seriously, but we think theres more being made of nothing here than the last two Matrix scripts combined.

Remember these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as having a Project Runway winner design your alternate uniforms.

Oakland (+3.5) at KANSAS CITY O/U 36: The amazing thing about this line is someone is expected to score. Raiders 19, Chiefs 17.

Cincinnati (-1) at TENNESSEE O/U 37.5: You know your team really sucks when youre barely favoured against Kerry Collins. Titans 22, Bengals 20.

Indianapolis (-2) at MINNESOTA O/U 43.5: To paraphrase Mark Twain, rumours of Tarvaris Jacksons quarterbacking growth have been greatly overexaggerated. Colts 26, Vikings 17.

New Orleans (PK) at WASHINGTON O/U 42.5: New head coach Jim Zorn may not know how to run a two-minute drill, but he can sure do impressions. It was uncanny how much his expression looked like Stephen Reas in The Crying Game when Jude opened the kimono. Saints 27, Yes Your Name Is Offensive 13.

Green Bay (-3) at DETROIT O/U 45.5: With Aaron Rodgerss solid debut, the Packers look to already be in midseason form. Of course, so do the Lions. Packers 33, Lions 16.

Chicago (+3) at CAROLINA - O/U 37: Is it fair to say Matt Forte in one game last week did more as a Bears running back than all other Bears RB draft picks combined in the last 10 years? Panthers 26, Bears 14.

N.Y. Giants (-8) at ST. LOUIS O/U 42: Can the Rams be penalized 15 yards every play for impersonating a professional football team? Giants 33, Rams 10.

San Francisco (+7) at SEATTLE O/U 38: If that infraction did exist, thered be offsetting penalties on every down in this game. Seahawks 22, 49ers 17.

Buffalo (+5.5) at JACKSONVILLE O/U 37: We dont think therell be any better sight in the NFL this season than Kevin Everett walking out onto the turf at Ralph Wilson Stadium. Bills 21, Jags 20.

Atlanta (+7.5) at TAMPA BAY O/U 38: The Bucs favoured by more than a touchdown? Man, even Bob Griese couldnt make Tampa Bay that good. Falcons 24, Buccaneers 19.

Miami (+6.5) at ARIZONA O/U 39: A check with Biblical scholars tells us Arizona opening the season 2-0 is the fifth Sign of the Apocalypse. The fourth was that Caveman-- TV show. Cardinals 30, Dolphins 17.

New England (+2.5) at N.Y. JETS O/U 37.5: What kind of odds during the offseason would you have gotten on the starting QBs in this game being Brett Favre and Matt Cassel? And then saying Cassel would win? Patriots 23, Jets 21.

San Diego (-1) at DENVER O/U 45.5: Its amazing how awe-inspiring a team can look when it opens its season against the Raiders, isnt it? Chargers 29, Broncos 23.

Pittsburgh (-6) at CLEVELAND O/U 44.5: Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo Crennel?-- Try the breadline in about three weeks. Steelers 29, Browns 20.

Baltimore (+4) at HOUSTON O/U 37.5: Unless Hurricane Ike blew in a new offensive scheme, take the underdog. Ravens 20, Texans 17.

Philadelphia (+7) at DALLAS O/U 47: Easily the Game of the Week. Andy Reid seems to have the Cowboys number too bad we dont have Jessica Simpsons. Cowboys 29, Eagles 27.

Lock of the Week: Atlanta

Trifecta: N.Y. Giants, Atlanta, Green Bay

Over/Under Good Buys: Dallas/Philly Over

Week One Results:

Straight Up: 9-7

Against The Spread: 8-8

Lock of the Week: 1-0

Trifecta: 0-1

Money Banked: $+40

The Hosers format: The format will stay as it has been for the past two seasons each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, well jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. Well use Danny Sheridans line in the USA Today each week.

posted by wfrazerjr to football at 02:39 PM - 10 comments

It's gonna be another one of those years with the Panthers. They will always defy all expectations, whether good or bad, of them.

posted by NoMich at 02:54 PM on September 12, 2008

Hoorah, i'm not the only one who disbelieves that line in the Bucs-Falcons game.

posted by boredom_08 at 08:10 PM on September 12, 2008

The way the Browns have played in recent times versus how the Chiefs have played, if Crennel gets the boot this year as mentioned and Edwards remains safe, you have to wonder what it would take to put Edwards in jeopardy.

There's being shockingly bad, like the Rod Rust Patriots, then there's being quietly but intensely mediocre like the Chiefs are now. For some reason, the latter is more bothersome than the former. It's like the Chiefs are working hard at being a brick shy on purpose every week unless they luck out and kick enough FG's.

Somewhere between the Meadowlands and Arrowhead, someone is secretly rubbing their magic Joe Pisarcik commemorative figurine and chanting Herm curses.

posted by beaverboard at 11:34 PM on September 12, 2008

wfrasierjr, I have always loved reading your comical picks. That said I'm disappointed that you down play the impact of Gene Upshaw. A great man that has that has pasted on from cancer that has done so much for existing and former players in the NFL. If we had just one more person dedicated to bettering the life of his friends, colleagues and players in the NFL this league would provide a greater influence on shaping the youth of the future.

posted by bryce7622 at 11:36 PM on September 12, 2008

Gene Upshaw had the chance as the head of the Player's Association to take care of retired players. All he had to do was raise his hand a little and say, "You know, all of us should be working to support these fellows more. Not all of them landed cushy jobs after they left the game."

Instead, he and his staff made it damned near impossible for players to get benefits for medical conditions obviously caused by their time on the gridiron. If that's a legacy you want to celebrate, that's fine. I don't.

posted by wfrazerjr at 07:15 AM on September 13, 2008

Agreed. Upshaw does not deserve the leaguewide memorial, in my opinion. The biggest shame of the NFL is the lack of support for former players who suffered permanently debilitating injuries during their time in the league. Upshaw, who should have known as well as anybody the toll the league exacts on some players, looked the other way.

posted by rcade at 12:01 PM on September 13, 2008

Hopefully the Patriots and the Matt Cassel era will continue their winning ways against the Jets this week.Beating the Chiefs was one thing,Cassel vs the Jets and Favre at the Meadowlands might be a little tougher than beating the lackluster Chiefs at home in week 1.Only time will tell if Cassel has what it takes to be an N.F.L. QB. A.F.C.East there for the taking maybe for the Bills,Jets,and Dolphins.Although I'm still not counting out the Pats just yet.

posted by Ghastly1 at 11:22 AM on September 14, 2008

eeeeyep, a very long year in Detroit.

posted by NoMich at 06:55 PM on September 14, 2008

Wanted: responsible adult to check The Hoser's Lock of the Week and Trifecta picks. Qualifications include being literate, patient and willing to smack a grown man upside his head when he types "Atlanta" when he means "Arizona". Pay will be 25% of all winnings saved.

Amazingly, despite telling everyone I knew that Arizona would have it easy against the Dolphins, for some reason I put Atlanta in my lock and triple. And of course, it was one of the three games I missed so far this week.


Thus far this week we're 10-4 straight up and 9-3-2 against the spread.

posted by wfrazerjr at 10:36 AM on September 15, 2008

That gaffe really hurts now.


Week Two Results:

Straight Up: 11-4

Against The Spread: 10-3-2

Lock of the Week: 0-1

Trifecta: 0-1

Money Banked: $+150

Season Results:

Straight Up: 20-11

Against The Spread: 18-11-2

Lock of the Week: 1-1

Trifecta: 1-1

Money Banked: $+190

posted by wfrazerjr at 11:18 AM on September 16, 2008

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