05:47 AM
11/21/24
11/21/24
August 03, 2016
The Bennett Brothers vs. Everyone: MICHAEL AND MARTELLUS Bennett tend to perplex people. This becomes clear when we stop for lunch at a West Hollywood café, the kind of crunchy, actressy place that serves food on wooden boards. The brothers split up as soon as they walk in. Michael circles a display of expensive sweets ("I don't eat American chocolate," he sniffs), and Martellus hovers near the entrance, offering health and safety advice to customers as they leave the restaurant. "Wrap it up," he counsels a man walking out the door. The guy stares at him, trying to deduce why a stranger is telling him to wear a condom.
Hopefully, Martellus will become Bill Simmons' surrogate in New England. A shadow group will pay Bennett's fines when he starts saying real shit about the commissioner.
These two guys are intriguing and they have their moments, but they sure do make for a fucking long day for the wait staff.
I kept wishing that Jack Nicholson would go up to their restaurant table in an apron and that one of them would try to order a chicken salad sandwich.
This is what happens when a publisher decides to generate a per diem account that allows a couple of clever dudes to spend three days nosh wanking with an impressionable young reporter.