April 05, 2016

The Chicago Cubs Will Not Win the World Series: "There are several rational reasons why the Cubs will not win the World Series. For one, the baseball season is endless and unpredictable. Players get hurt, players come out of nowhere, great players play like absolute dogshit, relief pitching is essentially determined by oracle bones, players change teams, BABIP commands the game like a vengeful god, the banishment of a thirteen-year-old bat boy causes widespread locker room revolt, the playoffs are a completely random confluence of baseball events. Yet, this is not the place for rational thoughts. This is a place for exalted Cubs miserablism unbound by the physical laws of the universe."

posted by ursus_comiter to baseball at 02:00 PM - 4 comments

Nice blog. Bring Your Champions, They're Our Meat is the oddest blog name I've heard in a while.

I am troubled by the idea the Cubs are favorites. It feels like one of those science fiction novels about an alternate universe where the laws of physics are different but all the alien women are still hot.

posted by rcade at 05:32 PM on April 05

That was a great blog post. Thanks for finding it and sharing, ursus. Entertaining all the way through. The final paragraph is what had my co-workers giving me the side eye, what with the laughter:

Baseball's playoffs are lightning rods for fluky horseshit. The Royals won the World Series partly by turning themselves into an engine of chaos, slapping the ball all over the field and daring the Mets not to do the single dumbest thing possible at any given time, and the strategy worked. Should the Cubs make the playoffs, they could avoid insane pratfalls. Or they could well fall victim to a gaffe currently outside of the realm of baseball possibility by running the bases backwards or having a ball ricochet off another ball in the bullpen causing havoc as multiple balls appear on the field or somehow allowing every fielder to simultaneously collide, their I got it cries lost to a howling October wind. It is entirely possible that this is The Year. I hope it is. But there is nothing more Cubs than squandering this loaded, young squad into another century of heartbreak and despair.

posted by NoMich at 07:49 AM on April 06

I thought that predicting this year's MLB champion would be a simple no-brainer.

It's the alternate, even numbered year, so the Giants should be right on track to do it again.

posted by beaverboard at 08:34 AM on April 06

I'm with Beaverboard. Or at least I better be if I want to stay married ;)

posted by billsaysthis at 10:38 AM on April 06

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