September 30, 2011

The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week Four 2011: NFL picks that are spending far too much time wondering who killed Diane Collins on "The Young & The Restless."

posted by wfrazerjr to football at 06:15 PM - 4 comments

Welcome to Week Four of the Hoser's NFL Picks, 2011 Edition, where we know the NFL is king, but it's pretty tough to top baseball this week.

Wednesday's wild finish kept The Hoser and staff glued to the TV, and nothing makes us happier than watching the Red Sox choke like someone stuffed a baker's dozen of Dunkin' Donuts down their collective throat. Also -- Dan Johnson in the ninth for the Rays? Really? Creed was more likely to have a hit.

The Hoser finished up 11-5 straight up and a pretty weak 9-7 against the spread, but we hit the Lock of the Week (New Orleans) for the third time to start the season and, of course, the Lions cost us the Trifecta. We still turned a small profit for the week (and the third week straight to start the year).

Remember: these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as firing Terry Francona when clearly your GM is an overspending idiot.

Detroit (+2) at DALLAS (-46.5): The Hoser's new son, Harry, had a pneumothorax at birth, just like Tony Romo. He's also now dating Jessica Simpson. Lions 29, Cowboys 22.
New Orleans (-7) at JACKSONVILLE (45): Admiral Akbar alert! It's a trap! The Jaguars are in the top 5 in many defensive categories, so they should be able to hold the scoring down. That makes the TD spread one to avoid. Saints 24, Jaguars 19.
San Francisco (+9) at PHILADELPHIA (44): The Eagles checked with NFL commissioner Roger Goddell, and he confirmed -- in the case of the Kevin Kolb trade, no backsies. Eagles 23, 49ers 17.
Washington (-2) at ST. LOUIS RAMS (43.5): Another game that seems too close. What's the big home-field advantage for the Rams -- opposing teams' fear of The Arch falling on them? Racists 24, Rams 17.
Tennessee (+1) at CLEVELAND (38.5): The Hoser has nothing interesting to say about this game, and neither should anyone else. Browns 20, Titans 17.
Buffalo (-3) at CINCINNATI (44): Bills QB Ryan Fitzpatrick and many of the Bengals hang out in yards. Fitzpatrick's was at Harvard, while Cincy's players Bills 29, Bengals 17.
Minnesota (-2) at KANSAS CITY (39.5): The Chiefs have a point differential this year of -82, which coincidentally is also The Hoser's credit rating. Vikings 23, Chiefs 20.
Carolina (+6.5) at CHICAGO (42): The Bears have warned all fans not to bring pets to Soldier Field, as their ears could be harmed by the high-pitched sound of Jay Cutler's whining. Bears 26, Panthers 19.
Pittsburgh (+3.5) at HOUSTON (45): The Texans put up a heck of a fight last week, but expect the Steelers to win this one outright. Steelers 24, Texans 20.
Atlanta (-4) at SEATTLE (38.5): The Seahawks are just the medicine the Falcons need to get better. Surgeon General's Warning: Has no effect on Arizona. Falcons 27, Seahawks 17.
New York Giants (-1) at ARIZONA (44.5): So, NY beats the Eagles by 13 and the Cards lose to the Seahawks and it's just a one-point spread? Unless Vegas is sure Eli's having another "Free Footballs For Opposing DBs Day" (as we admit he is wont to do), Arizona has no chance. Giants 26, Cardinals 14.
Miami (+7) at SAN DIEGO (44): It's Sporano, not Soprano, but another loss or two and Tony's gonna get whacked. Chargers 23, Dolphins 17.
Denver (+12.5) at GREEN BAY (46): Not big enough. Packers 31, Broncos 16.
New England (-5) at OAKLAND (55): If the Patriots win this on Raider turf, Al Davis will roll over in his grave. Patriots 30, Raiders 27.
New York Jets (+3.5) at BALTIMORE (42): Joe Namath is a lot more pleasant when he's drunk. Ravens 20, Jets 13.
Indianapolis (+10) at TAMPA BAY (40.5): Paging Carson Palmer, Mr. Palmer to the Colts courtesy phone ... Buccaneers 26, Colts 17.
Lock of the Week: New York Giants
Trifecta: New York Giants, Detroit, Pittsburgh
Over/Under Good Buys: Jets/Ravens Under; Atlanta/Seattle Over

2011 Week 3 Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 11-5
Against The Spread: 9-7
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Money: $+240

2011 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 34-14
Against The Spread: 27-21
Lock of the Week: 3-0
Trifecta: 1-2
Money: $+2,000

2011 Week 3 Pro-Line: $10
2011 Week 3 Pro-Line: $0
2011 Season Pro-Line: $42
2011 Season Pro-Line: $144
2011 Total: $+102

posted by wfrazerjr at 06:15 PM on September 30, 2011

Sullivan V. Millen rematch highlights the Pats-Raiders undercard.

Carl Crawford plus cash, draft choices and a player to be named later to the Bears for Roy Williams.

posted by beaverboard at 09:34 PM on September 30, 2011

Apparently, Joe Theismann agrees with Roethlisberger Helper releasing Williams in the SpoFi League.

posted by wfrazerjr at 09:41 PM on September 30, 2011


Buffalo (-3) at CINCINNATI (44): Bills QB Ryan Fitzpatrick and many of the Bengals hang out in yards. Fitzpatrick's was at Harvard, while Cincy's are in prisons. Bills 29, Bengals 17.

posted by wfrazerjr at 12:45 AM on October 01, 2011

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