December 09, 2008

Kevin Garnett makes Big Baby Glen Davis cry: After the Boston bench starts to blow a 25 point lead, KG chews his teammates out during a timeout. Glen Davis' response? Sit and sulk on the end of the bench. KG's response? Cough up the ball on the first play after the timeout.

posted by HATER 187 to basketball at 07:16 PM - 15 comments

Too bad Doc didn't have the intestinal fortitude to pull KG after his turnover. Then we'd have seen some crying.......

posted by eccsport78 at 07:52 PM on December 09, 2008

KG is a mean guy. I felt a little bad for Big Baby. I guess I'm just a softy.

posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 10:55 PM on December 09, 2008

Shit yeah, he's mean. I once saw Kevin Garnett jump the fence of a nursery school playground and start swatting balls and talking trash to a five-year old girl; he's all "Bring it, I'll make you cry," and guess what, she started crying, no surprise there. And then he's going baseline against this other five-year old who didn't even belong on the court, he had no shot and his hands were all stubby and flailing, anyway, KG goes baseline on this kid and just bowls him over, and the kid's screaming on the floor like someone took his rattle, and KG just leans down, belches, blows it in the little guy's face and shouts, "Naptime!"

I also heard he had a temper tantrum because there weren't any cots long enough for him and that he peed all over a bag of pretzels that he gave to the bus driver but it was raining so nobody noticed.

posted by Hugh Janus at 10:44 AM on December 10, 2008

Hugh, are we trying to create another Greg M thread here? Actually, KG was all over the second unit because they were in the process of blowing a large lead with lackadaisical play. Davis was away from the huddle and not paying attention, which drew Garnett's ire. Garnett pulled Davis into the huddle by the arm and started ripping into him. Davis's tears were generated by anger and frustration with his own poor play being pointed out more than they were a product of fear. KG is intense to a fault, and his teammates say that he is very hard on all of them, even during practice, but all agree that constant improvement is the only way to continue winning championships. Perfectionists can be very hard to live with.

What's the big problem? The little girl was almost 6.

posted by Howard_T at 12:29 PM on December 10, 2008

I heard Kevin Garnett didn't just discover gravity; he invented it.

Why, before KG, basketball was merely a construct of the intergalactic megamind. KG gave truth to form, gravity to space, and all the NBA arenas and other stuff like galaxies and suns and planets were formed. Before KG the game was amorphic and imaginary. That's why most other players look so fake when KG lays down the jams: he's demonstrating gravity to the unenlightened, who flicker like holograms and catch the early bus home.

posted by Hugh Janus at 03:33 PM on December 10, 2008

Stupid intergalactic megamind... Thinks it's so big. KG showed it! Damn right.

posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 06:30 PM on December 10, 2008

The megamind will eventually counter with the KG3000 basketbot, modeled after our Kevin Garnett but with improvements to material and firepower. The KG3000 will not only tear up the court against future NBA opposition, it will raze every arena with high tech shit, until we take the real KG out of cryogenic storage to demonstrate gravity against a giant robot version of himself in an epic battle of unstoppable machine versus unbreakable legend, and you know who wins already, because he's built to last, original bad ass. The intergalactic megamind never counted on KG being six-dimensional.

posted by Hugh Janus at 03:38 PM on December 11, 2008

I heard Kevin Garnett didn't just discover gravity; he invented it

I actually believe you're confusing KG with Mr. Chuck Norris.

Listen, KG may be hard on his teammates but he's much harder on himself. KG is one player that does not need anyone to motivate him but the truth is the truth (my bad Pierce), the second unit came into the game with a 25 point lead and nearly blew it. KG was supposed to be out of the game and had to come back in along with the rest of the starters and he was not happy.

In this day & age where pro athletes believe that they're above being criticize by anyone, KG showed the world, or whoever was watching this game, that he is not one of these spoiled athletes and will not just settle because the Celtics won the NBA championship last year. He is showing everyone that he is still hungry for more and will not allow anyone bring him or his team down...not even a teammate.

posted by BornIcon at 07:34 AM on December 12, 2008

The fingers of reliable chroniclers and scribes of great lore straddle the blessed inky quill, their mount a-canter on the high road of fact, or in like wise astride keyed contraptions of miraculous process, speeding the fleet steed of history across the page: there rules at Boston in the National Basketball League (image of Heaven!) the just and stern Kevin Garnett, who cherishes his teammates and succours the hapless fans in their distress. He is unsurpassed in dispensing jams, and so rigorous in this exercise that the best jams appear unjamlike compared to his vertical decree. Success and joy thrive in his dominions while loss and despair slumber in death, and, like rare birds, pessimists and cursemongers are extinct in his lands. The columnists are at a loss to find an object for their tirades. The weak and the powerful are equals, united in their joy; the hawk and the sparrow roost in the same nest. The young and the old smile together and feel they are never the sole benefactor of time or pleasure. Private homes remain open day and night, for if someone steals even a stitch from the loincloth of a pauper, he is ground in the mill of justice, subject to the most punishing of torments, a series of KG jams so stupefying as to shatter his soul forever. The thief therefore never dreams of thieving, and if a wayfarer should perchance come upon someone's property in the road, he readily takes it upon himself to restore it to its owner.

Compared with KG's fearlessness, might, and valor, even actor Chuck Norris, a celebrated role model in his own right, is the same as a hag most decrepit and cowardly.

posted by Hugh Janus at 10:01 PM on December 12, 2008

Twelve years with Minnesota. Six years of losing in the first round of the playoffs. I think by now Kevin Garnett is a player who appreciates how few opportunities you have to win an NBA championship.

posted by Newbie Walker at 12:05 AM on December 14, 2008

Compared with KG's fearlessness, might, and valor, even actor Chuck Norris, a celebrated role model in his own right, is the same as a hag most decrepit and cowardly.

I would be very careful with those words, my friend. Mr. Norris' beard might have some words for you in the back of an alley or better yet, in some ancient ruins like he had with some guy named Bruce Lee back in the 70's when Mr. Lee had some choice words about his chest hair.

posted by BornIcon at 11:19 AM on December 15, 2008

I've seen Mr. Norris dunk a basketball several times so I know he can do it, and I'm sure he can withstand KG's punishing jams up to a point, but even Gandhi went down before KG's unstoppable might; and you know Gandhi was the original motherfucker.

Say the basketball comes anywhere near Chuck Norris. He does what any goddamn red-blooded genuine badass of a true American hero would: he grabs it and takes it to the rack. What's to differentiate this behavior from KG's awesome display?

Kevin Garnett doesn't just jam a basketball into a rim. He jams a howling missile into a hole in the fabric of reality, shaking the frame of the cosmic loom and altering the dimensional warp and weft; in short, when KG jams he re-weaves reality. He alters the patterns of the universe.

Chuck Norris is surely capable of kicking the living shit out of any man, wolf, bear statue, bear, superhero, race-car driver, hawk, leopard, police car, red ant swarm, falcon, zombie falcon, zombie, nuclear warhead, stuntman, drug cartel, killer vine, eagle, reference librarian, orca pod, wolverine, ill-trained guerrilla, mythical serpent, sudoku, rogue paramilitary unit, or mighty condor that might come along asking for it. He might even have a fighting crack at the intergalactic megamind, or at least at the megamind's mega-minion Megalactrix. And he'd sure as hell be right kind and damn considerate about the well-deserved ass-kicking he was delivering. He's your hero and mine, Chuck Norris.

But when it comes to the power to reshape worlds, I gotta hand it to KG and his unrelenting cosmic continuum-smashing, dimension-crashing volley of spectacular and draconian jams. Oyez!

posted by Hugh Janus at 08:14 PM on December 16, 2008

I see your point and must admit that it was a damn good one at that!

I do recall the time when KG posterized Mahatma Gandhi right out of his Nike sandals, which was a sight to were his bunions.

posted by BornIcon at 12:28 PM on December 17, 2008

Of course, these things are all relative. Take Brett Favre. For years there's been unprecedented universe-wide cooperation between sentient life forms in an effort to prevent Favre from rolling over in his sleep and crushing existence. A titan like Kevin Garnett would find his match in just one of the thousands of galaxy-obliterating mouths on the tip of Favre's pinky. That dude is just scary.

posted by Hugh Janus at 02:10 PM on December 17, 2008

Scary indeed and I just got a cold chill up my spine just thinking about it. Coincidence? I think not! That just may be an aftershock from one of KG's cataclysmic, polar shifting dunks.

posted by BornIcon at 03:47 PM on December 17, 2008

You're not logged in. Please log in or register.