Recent Locker Room Comments by forksclovetofu

SpoFi's Where are they now.

Thanks guys. Sorry I don't show myself around here much these days. I'm likely to return come football season; but this blog o' mine has eaten up so goddam much time that I don't have any left over. I learned how to put together articles through trial and error over here though, so you'll always be close to my heart. Like an embolism. love + hickies

posted by forksclovetofu at 08:12 PM on August 11, 2004

EAST: 1. Indiana v 8. Boston, should be a sweep. 2. Detroit v 7. Milwaukee, easily. 3. New Jersey v 6. New York, though this could be the surprise bracket. 4. Miami v 5. New Orleans, in a dogfight. WEST: 1. Minnesota v 8. Denver, second round FINALLY. 2. Los Angeles v 7. Houston and it won't be pretty. 3. San Antonio v 6. Memphis, Memphis wins one. 4. Sacramento v 5. Dallas Is anyone keeping track of this, a'la the NFL playoffs?

posted by forksclovetofu at 09:38 PM on April 15, 2004

Watch out for the driveby!

posted by forksclovetofu at 02:10 AM on April 12, 2004

not a sport, not athletes. The fox and horse in the equation might be considered athletes in a "most dangerous game" kinda way.

posted by forksclovetofu at 01:20 PM on April 11, 2004

SHUT IT, YOU LOUSY COW HUMPIN' SUNOVABITCH! say, this IS good for the bile...

posted by forksclovetofu at 01:29 PM on March 25, 2004

Again, that is. Again.

posted by forksclovetofu at 12:39 AM on March 25, 2004

D'oh! I was wondering why I was bleeding again. Just thought it was leeches again.

posted by forksclovetofu at 12:39 AM on March 25, 2004

I've been ASTONISHINGLY busy with my musicblog, so much so I haven't peeked in here in awhile. What'd I miss?

posted by forksclovetofu at 12:18 AM on March 25, 2004

I meant 10 pin indoor bowling and it wouldn't even have occurred to me that there were any other kind. /american

posted by forksclovetofu at 01:55 PM on March 03, 2004

For now and forevermore, bodybuilding is not a sport and bodybuilders are not athletes. Woof. My bad. Who knew there were so few proponents of the ol' iron pumping around here? Anyway, I'm gonna take a hint from terrapin for our bonus round, still due in on Friday (or when I finally get around to tallying it over the weekend): BOWLING: Sport or Not a Sport? BOWLERS: Athletes or Not Athletes? This one also seems cut and dry to me, but I've been proven wrong before. Have at it!

posted by forksclovetofu at 10:12 PM on March 02, 2004

Ceeeripes. I'll give this till tomorrow and put it out of its misery.

posted by forksclovetofu at 01:59 AM on March 02, 2004

man, doesn't ANYONE wanna stand up for the poor bodybuilders?

posted by forksclovetofu at 03:54 PM on March 01, 2004

For now and forevermore, boxing is a sport and boxers are athletes. This weeks challenge: BODYBUILDING: SPORT or NOT A SPORT? BODYBUILDERS: ATHLETES or NOT ATHLETES? Pump, p-p-pump pump, p-pump pump, pump, pump it up!

posted by forksclovetofu at 01:08 AM on March 01, 2004

I likes derails. de third rails ebedespecially.

posted by forksclovetofu at 11:00 PM on February 23, 2004

Yipes! Let's keep it above the belt here kids! ding!

posted by forksclovetofu at 11:16 AM on February 23, 2004

hey jspace, how's the running coming along?

posted by forksclovetofu at 03:23 PM on February 21, 2004

For now and forevermore, skateboarding is NO sport but those young whippersnappers ARE athletes. You guys are a buncha old fogeys. This week's challenge, by popular demand: BOXING: SPORT or NOT A SPORT? BOXERS: ATHLETES or NOT ATHLETES? ding!

posted by forksclovetofu at 11:59 AM on February 21, 2004

wow. Maybe _I'll_ try baseball this year too.

posted by forksclovetofu at 10:55 PM on February 18, 2004

see fraze, if you had been here a few days earlier, we'd have a succinct answer. Now golfers are in an Athlete/nonathlete limbo and the Pope cries himself to sleep. It hurts my soul.

posted by forksclovetofu at 06:56 PM on February 16, 2004

big: i was just thinking the same thing.

posted by forksclovetofu at 02:35 PM on February 16, 2004

starfucker: this would be the second time you showed up late and complained that the previous vote was incorrect and then didn't vote on the issue at hand. I sense a pattern. dng: I removed myself from voting, as the awful power to declare (let's say) golfers athletes (or not) is too intoxicating for this frail mortal form. The sweet taste of that raw tyranny could corrupt my mind, nay: MY VERY SOUL! Besides I'm very busy with my two hundred issue Thor reading marathon. You'll excuse me.

posted by forksclovetofu at 12:58 PM on February 14, 2004

For now and forevermore, golf IS a sport but I'm damned if I know if golfers are athletes. You people are too damn complicated. Meanwhile on to our next challenge: SKATEBOARDING: SPORT or NOT A SPORT? SKATEBOARDERS: ATHLETES or NOT ATHLETES? Let's get a clean answer on this one, eh?

posted by forksclovetofu at 02:02 AM on February 14, 2004

Hal: that's next week. Keep it in your pants, f'r crissakes.

posted by forksclovetofu at 01:10 AM on February 11, 2004

garfield: that argument always mystified me. You mean to say that the part of the sport of golf that makes it a "sport" is that these guys walk after the ball? The walking is the sport? The "it's very hot and they're out there for hours" explanation suggests that jackhammer operators are athletes as well. /i've disqualified myself on voting on these, by the by.

posted by forksclovetofu at 04:23 PM on February 10, 2004

For now and forever more, horse racing is not a sport. Unless you're a horse. Go figure. This weeks contender is intended to stir up the pot and see if you care to dethrone a "real" sport. Without further ado: GOLF: Sport or Not a Sport? GOLFERS: Athletes or Not Athletes? Fore!

posted by forksclovetofu at 08:54 PM on February 06, 2004

who won my underwear?

posted by forksclovetofu at 06:28 PM on February 06, 2004

watched the Knicks lose to the celtics in ot about two years ago... spree was still on the team. I also played DDR this morning. You wanna be startin' somethin'?

posted by forksclovetofu at 05:41 PM on February 05, 2004

Shin splints are generally indicative of a weakness in the tibialis anterior, the muscle along the shins. You need to strengthen there and increase your flexibility. Stretches, pathology and strengthening suggestions are over here. In my experience, yoga helped me there quite a bit, 'specially child's/down dog poses. Hey, anybody wanna hire me yet?

posted by forksclovetofu at 11:33 PM on February 02, 2004

Yep. Following essay to be taken with two grains of salt and with the understanding that I've never met you and that your initial PAR Q looks clean: Shoe-wise, if you're comfortable with the crosstrainers you're wearing and you don't have any past history of arch or ankle support problems, getting another pair either identical to what you have or a comfortable good fitting pair of tennis shoes sounds reasonable. Like I tell my clients, you don't need racing wheels on a Volkswagen; as long as what you're wearing is entirely functional and isn't giving you any serious grief, you should be fine. Ankle/knee braces and insoles can be helpful and are good pre-emptive strikes for anything you think could become a problem. I wouldn't discount the idea that having a pair of shoes for a specific activity can be helpful psychologically as well as physically. You want something that's comfortable but that also makes you FEEL comfortable, so don't skimp... but don't go getting those Homer Simpson Assassins either. DO get a nice pair of socks tho. And DO replace those shoes about once every five/six months (or as needed) if you put a lot of track work in. Also DO go get a heart rate monitor and read up on them. They cost something like forty bucks and are REALLY helpful in helping you understand, pace and monitor what your body is and is capable of doing. Training is not a static activity. You'll progress and after each four to six week mesocycle, you'll want to reevaluate the frequency, intensity and time of your workouts to reflect the changes you're going through. Trust and respect what your body is telling you. Whenever you're going to start a cardio workout, give yourself three to five minutes of warmup motion: light jogging or the like to get your heart prepared for the workout it has coming. This shouldn't be anything that leaves you especially winded. As a good rule of thumb, the majority of your cardio workouts should probably follow the "talk test": you should be able to speak clearly while you're running; no gasping for breath for twenty minutes straight. If you want to kick out the stops for the last few minutes of the run, that's understandable; otherwise, try not to kill yourself. Make sure to END your run with three to five minutes of cool down to let your pulse rate equalize. Try to stay light on your feet. One of the biggest problem I have with people that start cardio training to lose weight is that they pound the pavement, screw up their ankles and I lose them for a week or two while they heal. Incidentally, if this does happen to you, DON'T GIVE UP. Get your body right first, of course, but then alternate running with biking, stair stepping, swimming or the elliptical trainer. Really, this is a good idea even when you're NOT injured, so that you're not constrained by one movement that "feels right" to the exclusion of all others. Mix it up; it's good for you. Keep an eye on your stride. Are your feet falling heel-toe, directly in front of the knee? Try to keep your movements simple, light, consistent and in a straight ahead line. Turning your knee or ankle out too extremely when you run can cause weakness or pain in the joints. You don't have to be anal about this, but it's a good thing to self evaluate while you're moving and see where you can economize and streamline. That's all best done with a coach who can tell you how to improve; just wanted to mention. If you're going to train on a treadmill and weight loss is your primary goal, try playing with the incline moreso than the speed. You'd be surprised what a three percent grade can do to your heart rate. Increasing the grade rather than the speed also decreases the likelihood of impact injury. It's NOT the best thing for speed training, but nevermind... we're getting a little too far ahead of ourselves. For a beginner, three or four times a week running is a good place to start. More may be too taxing, less is unlikely to have much impact. Make three days a week your minimum and throw in that fourth if you're feeling cocky, restless or just want to push a little harder. Also remember that there are excellent sports equivalents. If you play pickup ball or just shoot around for an hour and a half, you can probably cross off one of your days... or make that your fourth day. Don't let it stop being fun. "Running", by the by, is a relative term; we'll be using your heartrate as our guide. In terms of intensity (all else being equal, your milage may vary, I haven't met you and don't have any definite sense of your health, wouldn't swear to it on a stack of bibles, don't sue me, BUT) between 60 to 80 percent of your maximum heart rate is where you'll be expending aerobic (read: optimally efficient for weight loss) energy. Explore your limitations; your numbers may not jibe and you'll have to recalculate. That's common. You're looking for a ballpark figure; don't expect exact specifics unless you're really refining. One way to approach would be maintaining 65% of your max HR for the duration of the run on day one, day two at 70%, day three at 80%. Or you could pyramid the run: 10-15 minutes at 60, 10-15 at 70, 10-15 at 80. Or you could try some fartlek training, in moderation. Regardless, let your heart rate and your RPE be your guide. Which brings us to time: between thirty and forty five minutes is entirely reasonable for a beginner. Again, explore what feels like your limits and then test them accordingly. Bear in mind that these are not "written in stone decrees"; variation and flexibility will help you psychologically and physically. There's a TON of positive ways to approach cardio training. Fetishizing equipment or anything more than the most basic and common sense advice is nonsensical. The most important thing is that you set yourself reasonable goals for your program and then follow them through. Make sure yours is a program you can GENUINELY stick to, that won't overtax you to the point where you're unable to continue and that you ENJOY. Setting personal goals may help. I've seen people lose twenty-five pounds in three months; but if I were you I'd let the weight loss be less of a carrot. Try to set smaller day-by-day goals: adding two minutes or a half a mile to a run that you couldn't do last week. If you find that you enjoy long runs, you may have a new goal to set in terms of endurance. If you like fast runs, you may try to start beating your own personal bests for a mile or half-hour distance. Whatever keeps you moving; you'll find that the big stuff takes care of itself. A good motivational tool would be a solid set of "before" pictures. Get your wife to take pics of you stripped down to skivvies (and please don't post them) once a week. SEEING the changes you'll go through may push you forward. The best news is that if you put in that time with no serious alteration in your diet, you will almost _certainly_ see changes... which reminds me that we haven't even TALKED about diet, but it's late and I have a client tomorrow that's paying me, so you get short shrift. Lastly, FWIW, as long as you're running in an area where wearing headphones isn't dangerous, music can be a great motivator. I got an Ipod just for running and it's been the best trainer I could ask for. Dial up the Rocky Theme and show em the eye of the tiger. That should do you for a month. Congratulations on deciding to make a change. Keep us all posted!

posted by forksclovetofu at 11:03 PM on February 02, 2004

Hi. Believe it or not I really _AM_ a trainer. Questions I'd have for you jspace: Where are you running? Outdoors, indoors, uphill? Are you in a high altitude spot? Can you maintain a regiment regardless of weather? Do you belong to a gym with a track? With treadmills? Are you running to improve your health, your endurance, for weight loss, to increase speed, strengthen your heart, add density to bones, bored, what? Can you supplement running with alternate forms of cardio? Do you like to play tennis, basketball, etc? Will you be playing those games while you undertake this new hobby of running? Can you schedule your runs so that you've had at least an hour to digest whatever you've eaten previously? How much time per week can you reasonably schedule? Do you have any specific goals you're looking to reach? What are your limits that you're beginning with? Have you had problems with finding the right shoe size in the past? Do you seem to have one foot larger than the other? Are issues of style especially important to you? MOST IMPORTANTLY: what's your medical history? When was your last checkup? Any history of heart disease in your family? Knee, hip, ankle, toe injuries over the years? Do you smoke? If so, how much? Any medications? Blood sugar? Blood pressure? Arrhythmia? Are you obese? I know it's a lot, but these are some good questions to start with. I would be happy to shoot the shit with you on this, but I would also highly recommend speaking with (NUMBER ONE) a doctor and possibly a personal trainer. Of course, the latter really depends on your goals and what kind of incentive works for you. [I do six or seven mile runs between two and five times a week depending on how frisky I get, so there's your disclaimer as to my own (hardly regimental).] training.

posted by forksclovetofu at 08:04 PM on February 02, 2004

I know I picked them too (mostly out of disrespect to the boys that knocked out the Titans), but what the hell? Panthers are 13 to 5 favorites? I smell hubris coming to bite our perfect picking asses...

posted by forksclovetofu at 10:18 PM on January 31, 2004

rocket: yeah, but we're discussing horse, not weed. /stickyickyicky

posted by forksclovetofu at 12:00 PM on January 31, 2004

For now and forever more, fishing is no sport. Pretty unanimous decision there. This week's contender: HORSE RACING: Sport or Not a Sport? JOCKEYS: Athletes or Not Athletes? RACING HORSES: Athletes or Not Athletes? Seemed appropriate with the Oscar nods to Seabiscuit. Have at it.

posted by forksclovetofu at 05:21 PM on January 30, 2004

Look, can we all just agree that I'm an asshole?

posted by forksclovetofu at 06:32 PM on January 29, 2004

I think the philosophy of self-policing on these sites is taken pretty seriously, maybe with good cause. If everybody posted their favorite Kobe trial link, we'd be inundated. That said, I do pretty much agree with you, though... especially over at Meta, where the "double post" is so difficult to avoid given the sheer numbers that they crunch. I don't think anyone means it as an insult, more just as a polite reminder. /stay on target... stay on target...

posted by forksclovetofu at 11:19 AM on January 29, 2004

they beat my team jg. I'm honor bound to dislike them.

posted by forksclovetofu at 02:04 AM on January 29, 2004

did we pick a tiebreaker?

posted by forksclovetofu at 07:27 PM on January 28, 2004

Favorite moments?

posted by forksclovetofu at 07:24 PM on January 28, 2004

The line I'm seeing consistently is 38. So I'm going to say that's our line, yes? Panthers - Picked against them the whole way and they beat me every time. Plus I don't like the Pats. Davis for MVP Under.

posted by forksclovetofu at 02:05 PM on January 26, 2004

dusted: sooooo... put your respective vote down as...?

posted by forksclovetofu at 01:26 AM on January 24, 2004

For now and forever more, NASCAR is a sport. This week's contender: FISHING: Sport or Not a Sport? FISHERMEN: Athletes or Not Athletes? Seeing how much fun you had with the last one, I'll let ya'll work out the details 'mongst yerselves.

posted by forksclovetofu at 10:04 PM on January 23, 2004

smithers: what's a brother got to do to get a team around here then?

posted by forksclovetofu at 12:55 PM on January 23, 2004

man, I get here too late for EVERYTHING.

posted by forksclovetofu at 12:34 AM on January 23, 2004

DDR is a sport by the way. I'll argue this with anyone who wants.

posted by forksclovetofu at 03:46 PM on January 21, 2004

Yipes. So much anger. Embrace the force, padwans. and jersey, you beat me to next week's sport/not sport: DDR.

posted by forksclovetofu at 02:14 PM on January 21, 2004

Would anyone object to a cross post/pollination of this thread on the front page to draw in a few more opinions? If we're using this to settle bar bets, I'd like a healthy pool of participants to settle this one.

posted by forksclovetofu at 04:19 PM on January 19, 2004

Considering I went 2 for 6 the last two weeks, my misspelled ass feels neither great nor wise. But FWIW IMHO BBQ: RE: MVP- In the case of a co-MVP, if you pick either one you get the point. RE:Over under- I think Vegas odds are the way to go... probably a line as of the end of this week? Suggestions on this? If we push, I say free point to everyone. That way, we all have one bet we can root for together. In any case, I'd wait to post your guesses until after we can post official odds here. RE: Ties- Here's a suggestion for two tiebreakers: along with your picks, also post if you think there will be an overtime or no overtime AS WELL AS the winning team's score. Unless there's a tie, these picks will have no bearing on points. BUT if there is a tie for first, we FIRST go by the OT or no OT as a tiebreaker (if you feel lucky, betting the unlikely OT could put you over the top... or it could knock you out). But if that DOESN'T clear up the problem, we take anyone standing from that first tie breaker and then go by whoever's guess at the winning team's score (REGARDLESS of which team wins) is closest to the genuine article. Again, if you guess wrong on the OT, you're out of the tie. If you guess right, but so does someone else, then it comes down to who's closer on the winning team's final score. If EVERYONE guesses wrong on the OT, then we just go to the second tiebreaker. That should throw enough kinks in the garden hose to clear up any logjams and fricassee any errant metaphors and all that jazz. /just a few suggestions. let me know what you think BTW: Still 100%... but then, it IS how he makes his living...

posted by forksclovetofu at 11:24 PM on January 18, 2004

Damn. Pats and cats it is. Really not what I wanted, but that's the way the superbowl is for me. /Haven't watched the superbowl since 2000

posted by forksclovetofu at 08:12 PM on January 18, 2004

No Mich: Try This

posted by forksclovetofu at 05:32 PM on January 18, 2004

and Jim Nantz is going for that gay detective look, I think.

posted by forksclovetofu at 05:12 PM on January 18, 2004


posted by forksclovetofu at 05:11 PM on January 18, 2004

Ufez: so you took the big man's cigarettes and then ignored his obvious pleas for a ball massage? You have no jailhouse etiquette. AT THE VERY LEAST a rimjob would be appropriate. I just don't know about you kids these days.

posted by forksclovetofu at 12:50 AM on January 18, 2004

Okey doke, prompted by the discussion here, I'm proposing we start a weekly tradition of the old fashioned SPORT/NOT A SPORT variety. Rules are simple. Every Monday, I'll post an activity that could questionably be considered a sport (hundreds to choose from) and we'll open the board for debate. Every spofier may cast his or her vote as to SPORT/NOT A SPORT and (possibly a separate question) if the participants of the SPORT/NOT A SPORT are ATHLETES/NOT ATHLETES. Please make a clear Yea or Nay on any applicable categories; some discussion on your reasoning might be appropriate. On Friday, we tally the votes and can then officially pronounce it a SPORT/NOT A SPORT, thus settling all bar bets and future SpoFi debates, ipso facto. Contestants may try (and are strongly encouraged) to sway public opinion by posting salient links in the main page that would effectively argue their viewpoint. Let's see if we can get some of the folks who don't normally frequent the locker room in here to vote and take part in the scrum. Oh, and if this seems too childish or dumb, let me know (and I believe you'll do it too). My reasoning is that with the dearth of locker room posting, the near completion of football season and a brief hitch in our giddy-up, I thought a little competition/argument/ flame war might be fun to stir the shit up. Having said all that, here's an early start, appropos of the argument that started it. #1: Auto Racing... SPORT OR NOT A SPORT? Auto Racers... ATHLETES OR NOT ATHLETES? You got until friday, 6:00 EST.

posted by forksclovetofu at 02:46 AM on January 17, 2004

FWIW, there's that NBA cyclopedia of every team up until 2000 with full personnel and player rosters that I've seen sitting in many a Borders, Barnes and Noble, etc. bargain bin. Any luck on that?

posted by forksclovetofu at 02:27 AM on January 17, 2004

This post makes my sac hurt.

posted by forksclovetofu at 02:25 AM on January 17, 2004

Chico: "Who are you?" Groucho: "Im fine, thanks. Who are you?"

posted by forksclovetofu at 09:16 PM on January 15, 2004

It DOES spell J.J. Krolm. Not very catchy, but it does.

posted by forksclovetofu at 08:23 PM on January 14, 2004

it tastes like BURNING.

posted by forksclovetofu at 12:06 PM on January 13, 2004

Dan, that's classic.

posted by forksclovetofu at 08:54 PM on January 12, 2004