October 09, 2011

The Hoser's NFL Picks, 2011 Week Five: NFL picks just squeaking in under the gun.

posted by wfrazerjr to football at 10:42 AM - 3 comments

Welcome to Week Five of the Hoser's NFL Picks, 2011 Edition, where we picked up some freelance work this week, so late on the picks.

The Hoser suffered through his first losing week of the season, posting a 7-9 mark against the spread and 11-5 straight up. The Giants gave us our four straight Lock of the Week, but Pittsburgh's stinker in Houston cost us a Trifecta win.

Remember: these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as standing any of those folks at the Occupy Wall Street rally. They're doing God's work, but I bet they smell like a bag of dead otters.

Kansas City (+1.5) at INDIANAPOLIS (38.5): I keep waiting for Curtis Painter to turn to the camera and say, "Hey, Bud, let's party!" Colts 20, Chiefs 17.
Arizona (+3) at MINNESOTA (44.5): The Cardinal offense is deader than "The Playboy Club," and not nearly as titillating. Vikings 24, Cardinals 17.
Philadelphia (-3) at BUFFALO (49.5): Do you believe in the Bills or don't you? I think it's more I don't believe in the Dream Team. Bills 26, Eagles 23.
Oakland (+5) at HOUSTON (49): Condolences to Raiders fan both on the loss of Al Davis and the upcoming loss to the Texans. Texans 28, Raiders 24.
New Orleans (-6.5) at CAROLINA (52.5): Cam Newton throws for 8,000 more yards and it doesn't matter. Saints 30, Panthers 20.
Cincinnati (+1) at JACKSONVILLE (37): This won't be much of a game to watch, but it could be worse -- Ashton Kutcher could be involved. Bengals 20, Jaguars 17
Tennessee (+3.5) at PITTSBURGH (40): Nothing to do with football, but watch Troy Polamalu freak some people out. Steelers 23, Titans 20.
Seattle (+10) at NY GIANTS (43.5): Will it be low scoring enough to keep it inside 10 points? Probably, but I'd stay away. Giants 24, Seahawks 16.
Tampa Bay (+2.5) at SAN FRANCISCO (41): Alex Smith, baby! It only took, what ... 12 years? 49ers 24, Buccaneers 17.
New York Jets (+7.5) at NEW ENGLAND (49.5):The only thing bigger than Rex Ryan's mouth is the trouble his team has scoring. Patriots 27, Jets 17.
San Diego (-3.5) at DENVER (47): Note to Broncos fans chanting for Tim Tebow -- be careful what you wish for. Chargers 27, Broncos 20.
Green Bay (-5.5) at ATLANTA (53.5): The Packers should win this game, but it means a hell of a lot for the Falcons. It'll stay close. Packers 29, Falcons 24.
Chicago (+5.5) at DETROIT (47.5): I think for Halloween I'm going to scare the hell out of Lions fans by showing up at Ford Field dressed as Matt Millen. Lions 26, Bears 20.

Lock of the Week: San Diego

Trifecta: San Diego, San Francisco, Buffalo

2011 Week 4 Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 11-5
Against The Spread: 7-9
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-50

2011 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 45-20
Against The Spread: 34-30
Lock of the Week: 4-0
Trifecta: 1-3
Money: $+1,950

2011 Week 4 Pro-Line: $10
2011 Week 4 Pro-Line: $0
2011 Season Pro-Line: $52
2011 Season Pro-Line: $144
2011 Total: $+92

posted by wfrazerjr at 10:43 AM on October 09, 2011

These were too late to help me this week. I did terrible as usual.

Why does Tebow have his own fanbase? What am I missing?

posted by bperk at 09:47 PM on October 10, 2011

I think for Halloween I'm going to scare the hell out of Lions fans by showing up at Ford Field dressed as Matt Millen.

That costume better be made of Kevlar, is all I'm sayin...

posted by MeatSaber at 12:03 AM on October 11, 2011

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