February 17, 2007

Living up to my name: Sports evoke many emotions in us whether we are watching or participating in them. The most common for me is hatred for the players opposing my team. Here is a list of the 10 athletes I would punch in the face upon meeting.

1. Reggie Miller-May 7th 1995, 8 points in 8.9 seconds. I was 15 years old when this happened and a huge NBA fan at the time. I used to watch games in my grandma's kitchen and while she would usually indulge my every whim she would not take the destruction I caused after this Knicks meltdown. I would not watch another basketball game for 4 years after this incident. 2. Curt Schilling-2001 Wold Series co-MVP and 2004 ALCS bloody sock wearer. At most times he is a pretty good pitcher until he faces the Yanks then he turns into Sandy Koufax. 3. Michael Jordan-Greatest NBA player of my generation. I grew up a Knicks fan in the 1990's and he single handily broke my heart several years in a row. It was impossible for the Knicks to beat the Bulls when this guy played. Of course after he retires they found ways to lose (see number 8 on this list) 4. Scoot Stevens-2000 Conn Smythe Winner. He won this award for knocking Eric Lindros out of the playoffs. The Devs were down 3-1 and they came back, beat the Flyers and went on to win the cup. The fact that the hit was clean means nothing to me. I actually wouldn't punch Stevens but instead blindside him with a tire iron, I'm not that stupid. 5. Kirby Puckett- 2001 Hall of Fame Inductee. He is in the baseball Hall of Fame and Don Mattingly isn't despite having incredibly similar statistics. He incurs my wrath by circumstance not by any actual sporting performance against a team I like. I of course we need to wait for the flux capacitor to be installed in my delorean before Mr Puckett could receive his face punching. 6. Steve Trachsel-Incredibly boring pitcher. Most of my friends are Mets fans so I was forced to watch this hack pitch every couple of games. Average duration of a Steve Trachsel pitched game 7.9 hours. Just another reason to not watch an Orioles game. 7. Dale Earnhardt Jr.-Poster boy for NASCAR. I HATE NASCAR, so rather than tracking down every individual driver I would just punch the most prolific driver among them as a way to get my message across. Oh wait you would actually have to strike him off the list, this is the top ten ATHLETES I would punch in the face. 8. Jon Starks-Starting Shooting Guard for the NY Knicks circa 1994. He went 2 for 18 from the floor in Game 7 of the 1994 NBA finals. If Mr. Starks thinks breaking a 14 year olds heart is funny then he is pretty hysterical guy. 9. Bobby Clark-2 time Hart Award winner and former Flyers General Manager- I am so glad this guy stepped down. He could not put together in the "new" NHL for shit. Mr. Clarke 1999 called they want all the players who were good then back. 10. John Rocker-Former Atlanta Braves Closer- First of all I can't stand racists, homophobes, and sexist and this guy is all three. Secondly you never insult my city, it's like starting a land war in Asia, you just don't do it. Thirdly, when he returned to Shea Stadium a limit was imposed on how much beer could be sold, and that is alcohol abuse.
Athletes I wouldn't necessarily punch but still dislike incredibly Martin Brodeur- He plays for the Devils and is really really good Pedro Martinez-because of the whole Dom Zimmer incident. Roger Federer-for surpassing Pete Samprass in greatness.

posted by HATER 187 to commentary at 12:44 PM - 0 comments

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