September 17, 2002

Thinking About Week 2: Oliver Willis dissects NFL Week 2

The Redskins paid a lot of money for Marvin Lewis and his defensive players. After the Monday Night debacle, it looks like that cash would have gone to better use paying off opponents to throw the game. When asked, Donovan McNabb expressed shock: "There was a defense out there? Are you sure? Because we figured it was just an exhibition game or something - because nobody on the other side of the ball showed up." Steve Spurier commented that "Well at least now we can go for the SEC championship. Huh? Whaddya mean there's no consolation prize? I gotta go write up some new ball plays then." Snarky Redskins fans still smarting from the loss were quick to point out that the Eagles have never won a Superbowl. Neener neener.

Dear Mike Martz and Brian Billick,
Welcome to reality, genius boys. You're making the Panthers look good.

Never mind that they haven't beaten anyone of note. Rodney Peete assures us that the sale of his soul to Beelzebub will go through as planned. "Only with the promise of eternal damnation could I have thrown over 300 yards".

Patriots: I'm sorry but I'm not buying it yet. A few more wins until the coronation begins.

The Dolphins are much improved, and it will no doubt lead to a playoff appearance. In which they will get blown out in the first round (again). Personally, I want everyone to talk about what a genius Norv Turner is - then when Dave Campo is fired in Dallas, he goes back to America's Team That Lost To The Expansion Team From Texas. Why? Because Norv = Evil, Cowboys = Evil. It's a match made in the Netherworld. Rodney Peete can vouch for that.

It is a special thing when one misses an extra point - quite possibly the most "automatic" move in all sports. It is divine providence when you miss two. Somebody in Minnesota pissed off some powerful people, and no amount of "Randy Ratios" is going to fix it.

Parity is a weird thing. Washington lost to Philly who lost to Tennesee who lost to Dallas who lost to Houston who lost to San Diego - whose record is 2-0. Are the Chargers the best team in the league?

NOTE: While his team lost, Spurrier has thrown down the gauntlet to Jon Gruden in the NFL Facial Gyration Faceoff 2002. "The ball's in yer court, Chucky", said Spurrier as he furiously filled a brand new notebook with Super Good Ball Plays That Will Make Me Win.

Oliver Willis is a Redskins fan. His butt still hurts from the torching of Monday Night's game.

posted by owillis to commentary at 05:32 PM - 0 comments

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