11/21/24
February 26, 2002
Thinking About Geegaws: Thinking about graphical on screen geegaws
Who's the star of the Olympics? No, not the figure skaters! No, not the lugers! No, friends, the star of these past Olympics are the graphical onscreen geegaws giving us way more information about the sport at hand and generally makes attending a live event seem downright dull.
Whether it was the flags floating on ice during the speed skating events or the phantom skiiers following each other downhill - The on screen graphics during the Olympics made odd sports almost watchable.
I love these graphics, simply adore them. Heck, I think I'm the only person who liked the FoxTraxTM hockey puck that lit up red when it flew across the screen and positively went supernova when it was a hit really hard. Instant replay is fun and all, but who doesn't love being able to yell FIRST DOWN! without waiting for the refs to give the official signal. I've gone to more than a couple games in Arizona's fleabag Sundevil stadium and wondered for a second "hey, where's the yellow line?".
The NFL, and Fox in particular has upped the ante with all the onscreen graphics. Most obvious is the score ticker on top that shows the down and everything at a glance. But the most fun element of that is the robotic, Transformers-style metal grind it makes as it unfurls itself. You're watching Randy Moss pout on the sidelines yet again, then out of nowhere its "CRUNCHCRUNCHCRUNHCHANKCRUNCH!" Awesome. Then you've got the thing where they show where the QB is likely to throw the ball and how far. Instantly you're able to tell the QB he's obviously a moron (doubly so if it's Jeff George) because the squiggly lines on screen say he keeps throwing 10-15 yards to the left when UNDOUBTEDLY he should just "Be Like Kurt Warner" and throw it 50 yards to the middle. It's easy.
Like anything and network tv, this power can be and is used for evil. NFL Europe doesn't just have the first down marker, it has "First Down By Doritos" or the "Ally McBeal Strike Zone" (if you watched the World Series you know of which I speak). No doubt the technology will become slick enough where they can project an entire commercial on a player's body. Warren Sapp could charge extra for widescreen editions!
Take it to the next level. Attach microphones, heart rate monitors and GPS units to the players - then you could project the entire game in 3D onto your coffee table. Add tickers above and below it with minute by minute readouts of players stats as well as their emotions. "John Lynch... 2 INTs... Feeling 'jiggy'..." At that point we wouldn't even need video of the game any more. Which is where the Swimsuit issue comes in.
When Oliver Willis isn't writing sleazy fiction, he just loves geegaws. C'mon, say it. Gee-gaw.
posted by owillis to commentary at 02:01 AM - 0 comments