November 30, 2007

The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week 13 2007: NFL picks that heartily endorse watching "Clone High" on Teletoon.

Welcome to Week Thirteen of the 2007 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where we finally got the kick to the jimmy we'd so been waiting for all season.

The Hoser was an atrocious 4-12 week against the spread and just 10-6 straight up. Had Rams backup QB Gus "KY" Ferotte actually held onto the ball on fourth down against Seattle, however, we had a great chance to come out to the good for the week with the Trifecta. Instead, we'll have to settle for nailing our Oakland Lock down to a one-point differential.

We're also sorry to see Ricky Williams manage just six carries before going out for the season. The good news is he appears ready to rent himself out as a dance floor.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as the folks at right your headlines. One of Thursday's read, "STEELERS PLAYERS WANT TO KEEP GRASS". Are they trading for Ricky?

Green Bay (+7) at DALLAS – O/U 51.5: The Cowboys have been on a roll, winning five straight. But Dallas's defense isn't all that terrific, having given up more than 20 points to powerhouse offenses like Buffalo and Washington. We still think Romo and Owens shine big and bright deep in the heart, but Brett keeps it to within a field goal. Cowboys 27, Packers 24

Atlanta (+3) at ST. LOUIS – O/U 41: An awful, awful matchup – like if Phyllis Diller and Dom DeLuise released a sex tape. Falcons 22, Rams 20.

Buffalo (+6) at WASHINGTON 6 – O/U 37½: Bills fans know all this evil can be traced to benching Flutie for Johnson. Redskins 24, Bills 19.

Detroit (+3) at MINNESOTA – O/U 45: Cue up those Matt Millen jokes in 3…2…1… Vikings 26, Lions 20.

Houston (+4) at TENNESSEE – O/U 43: When you can only muster six points against the Bengals, you’re done. Texans 27, Titans 13.

Jacksonville (+7) at INDIANAPOLIS – O/U 45: The Jags looked dominant against a bad team last week. The Colts looked lackluster against a bad team last week. Are we reading too much into that? Colts 27, Jaguars 26.

New York Jets (+1) at MIAMI – O/U 38: At 0-11, the Dolphins are favored by a point? That’s like Vegas backing Glass Joe. Jets 21, Dolphins 16.

San Diego (-5) at KANSAS CITY – O/U 37½: The picture’s becoming clearer in KC – don’t say cheese, say Kolby. Chiefs 22, Chargers 19.

Seattle (+3) at PHILADELPHIA – O/U 43: How disheartening for Eagles fans is it that A. J. Feeley looks better at QB for Philly than Donovan McNabb? Eagles 22, Seahawks 20.

San Francisco (-2½) at CAROLINA – O/U 35: The “Rhea Perlman/Danny DeVito” sex tape. 49ers 22, Panthers 17.

Tampa Bay (+3) at NEW ORLEANS – O/U 42: We’ll take slow n’ steady over amazing but inconsistent. We reserve the right to reverse this decision if Garcia sits. Buccaneers 23, Saints 19.

Cleveland (PK) at ARIZONA – O/U 52: Cleveland’s high-powered offense meets Arizona’s waterwheel-powered defense. Of course, vice versa also. Cardinals 33, Browns 30.

Denver (-3½) at OAKLAND – O/U 42: We may end up with the No. 1 overall pick in our Fantasy Rookie Draft next season, but we’ll also earn the “Patience of Jobe” Award for hanging onto Justin Fargas for this long. Broncos 27, Raiders 17.

New York Giants (-2) at CHICAGO – O/U 43: The Bears could guarantee themselves a win if they wore purple jerseys. Bears 23, Giants 20.

Cincinnati (+7½) at PITTSBURGH – O/U 46: Ocho Cinco’s back. Unfortunately, so’s Cincy’s defense. Steelers 29, Bengals 20.

New England (-20) at BALTIMORE – O/U 51: People are saying Philadelphia made the Patriots look human last week. Folks, there’s nothing human about New England. Patriots 43, Ravens 13.

Lock of the Week: Houston

Trifecta: Houston, Chicago, Jacksonville

Over/Under Good Buys: Cleveland/Arizona Over

Final Week 12 results:

ATS: 4-12

SU: 10-6

Lock of the Week: 1-0

Trifecta: 0-1

The Money Game: -$560

For the season:

ATS: 86-82-8

SU: 118-58

Lock of the Week: 4-8

Trifecta: 1-11

The Money Game: $-3,420

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