November 21, 2007

The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week 12 2007: NFL picks that will gladly give you the bird.

Welcome to Week Twelve of the 2007 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where if you like ‘em big, Vegas is catering to you.

The Hoser posted a mediocre 8-6-2 week against the spread (hate those three- and 10-point lines) and was 12-4 straight up. Of course, we managed to blow every single one of our extra picks. This week, we’re just throwing darts for those – after we remove the 8x10 of Ann Coulter that resides on our board now.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as having your wife head for the bathrooms off Ramp D at the Meadowlands.

Green Bay (-3.5) at DETROIT – O/U 47.5: Brett Favre’s mojo vs. a team that racked up a whopping 10 points against the Giants. Tough call. Packers 27, Lions 16.

NY Jets (+14) at DALLAS – O/U 48: Eric Mangini will run out of phones before the Cowboys stop scoring. Still, the line’s too big. Cowboys 34, Jets 21.

Indianapolis (-11.5) at ATLANTA – O/U 41.5: Joey Harrington earns a pair of wins, then gets benched when Byron Leftwich returns. Now the Falcons name Harrington the starter again. We’ll give Joey $50 if he walks out for the coin flip, drops trou and takes a dump on the team logo at midfield. Colts 28, Falcons 17.

Denver (-2.5) at CHICAGO – O/U 41: Remember when people used to fear the Bears’ defense? Broncos 23, Bears 17.

Tennessee (-1.5) at CINCINNATI – O/U 47: Which will suck less, the Titans’ offense or the Bengals’ defense? Titans 27, Bengals 20.

Buffalo (+7.5) at JACKSONVILLE – O/U 36: Did anyone hear John Madden talking Sunday night about eating a bunch of Buffalo wings billed as “suicidal”? What do they have for a septic tank on the Maddencruiser – a missile silo? Jaguars 23, Bills 14.

Oakland (+6) at KANSAS CITY – O/U 34.5: Great special at Arrowhead Stadium this week – buy two bratwurst combos and get one carry as a Chiefs running back. Raiders 20, Chiefs 16.

Houston (+3.5) at CLEVELAND – O/U 51.5: We’re hoping Phil Dawson gets a McDonald’s commercial with MJ and Bird – “Off my foot, off the upright, off the standard, nothing but confusion.” Browns 30, Texans 24.

Seattle (-3) at ST. LOUIS – O/U 44.5: The sad thing is after St. Louis wins this game, they’ll only be three games off the division lead after starting 0-8. Rams 26, Seahawks 20.

Minnesota (+7) at N.Y GIANTS – O/U 41: Tarvaris Jackson threw the ball 22 times last week and we’re wondering, “Why?” Giants 24, Vikings 14.

New Orleans (-2) at CAROLINA – O/U 41: Does anyone else look at Carolina’s receiving totals and think, “Dale Jarrett?” Panthers 22, Saints 20.

Washington (+3.5) at TAMPA BAY – O/U 37.5: Boy, that Clinton Portis trade has sure done wonders for the Redskins, hasn’t it? Buccaneers 20, Redskins 19.

San Francisco (+10.5) at ARIZONA – O/U 38: The 49ers picked up exactly one more rushing first down than The Hoser did last week. That’s no way to run a football team, son. Cardinals 29, 49ers 13.

Baltimore (+9.5) at SAN DIEGO – O/U 38.5: Can we start turning Matt Millen jokes into Norv Turner jokes now? Chargers 23, Ravens 16.

Philadelphia (+21) at NEW ENGLAND – O/U 49.5: With McNabb out for this game, we expected to see a + ∞ for Philly. Patriots 40, Eagles 17.

Miami (+16) at PITTSBURGH – O/U 42: You lose to the Jets and you get a 16-point spread the next week? Oh, the Dolphins, right. Steelers 34, Dolphins 13.

Lock of the Week: Oakland

Trifecta: Oakland, Green Bay, St. Louis

Final Week Eleven results:

ATS: 8-6-2

SU: 12-4

Lock of the Week: 0-1

Trifecta: 0-1

The Money Game: -$560

For the season:

ATS: 82-70-8

SU: 108-52

Lock of the Week: 3-8

Trifecta: 1-10

The Money Game: $-2,860

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