October 19, 2007

The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week Seven 2007: NFL picks that wouldn't bet on us being right.

Welcome to Week Seven of the 2007 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where we're finally over .500 for the season. Somehow, though, we don't think Danny Sheridan is shaking in his boots.

The Hoser had a great second half of a Sunday and Monday, ending up 6-5-2 against the spread and 8-5 straight up. We looked deader than Ashlee Simpson's career after the Vikings dumped the Bears, but hooray for the Pats and Norv Turner! Wow, did we just say that out loud?

It seems like NFL quarterbacks have the stability of Lindsay Lohan on a greased trampoline. If Vinny Testaverde can come back and win, we just know Bubby Brister is sitting nervously by his phone.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as having Joey Porter stop by your weekly card game.

Arizona (+8.5) at WASHINGTON: Tim Rattay gets the start at QB for the Cards this week. What, Stoney Case wasn't available? Redskins 23, Cardinals 13.

Atlanta (+9) at NEW ORLEANS: We watched ageless Falcons kicker Morten Andersen sneak a 47-yarder just over the crossbar last week and wondered how can be so focused, how he can shut out the screams of the crowd. Then we saw him on the sidelines and he put his hearing aid back in. Saints 26, Falcons 16.

Baltimore (-3) at BUFFALO: Bills fans aren't happy about the possibility of a Buffalo home game being held in Toronto, but players should hope the franchise moves to Canada. At least they'd be guaranteed quality health care when they retire. Bills 16, Ravens 13.

Minnesota (+9.5) at DALLAS: Do you get the feeling there's a room somewhere in the basement of the MetroDome where they're trying desperately to clone 52 more Adrian Petersons? Cowboys 31, Vikings 20.

New England (-16.5) at MIAMI: All six times this season, New England has covered a big spread. We know there’s a Tom Brady/two girlfriends joke in here, but we’re too classy to make it. Patriots 41, Dolphins 20.

San Francisco (+9) at N.Y GIANTS: It’s not often you get to say Eli Manning will clearly be the best quarterback on the field. Giants 23, 49ers 7.

Tampa Bay (+2) at DETROIT: Despite being 3-2 on the season, the Lions have been outscored 155-117. Ah, you can still see the hand of Matt Millen in this team. Buccaneers 19, Lions 16.

Tennessee (-1.5) at HOUSTON: There’s nothing funny about this game, unless you walk around the mall and mumble “Samkon Gado” to yourself. Titans 17, Texans 14.

Kansas City (+3) at OAKLAND: In an amazing comeback, Priest Holmes returns to the sidelines for the Chiefs this week. The Raiders are trying to do the same thing, but Mark van Eeghen won’t pick up the phone. Chiefs 24, Raiders 20.

New York Jets (+6) at CINCINNATI: Maybe before the game, someone from the Jets organization can swing by Yankee Stadium and pull that huge knife out of Joe Torre's back. Bengals 27, Jets 10.

Chicago (+5.5) at PHILADELPHIA: Every time we write “Griese” and “Chicago” in the same paragraph, it makes us want pizza. Bears 26, Eagles 23.

St. Louis (+8.5) at SEATTLE: Given how terrible the Seahawks have been the past two weeks, you can read a lot into them being more than a touchdown favourite against the Rams. Such as, “The Rams really suck.” Seahawks 22, Rams 10.

Pittsburgh (-3.5) at DENVER: Even after their thrashing at the hands of the Chargers two weeks ago, Denver seems very relaxed. Of course, it could be that everyone was hanging out at Travis Henry's place during the bye week. Steelers 30, Broncos 21.

Indianapolis (-3) at JACKSONVILLE: We know Jacksonville’s defensive numbers are impressive – but they’ve faced Tennessee, Atlanta, Denver, Kansas City and Houston. Lumping Indy’s offense in that bunch would be like dropping Jimmie Johnson into a go-kart race. Colts 29, Jags 20.

Lock of the Week: New England

Trifecta: New England, Washington, Buffalo

Week Six results:

ATS: 6-5-2

SU: 8-5

Lock of the Week: 0-1

Trifecta: 0-1

The Money Game: -$640

For the season:

SU: 56-33

ATS: 42-41-5

Lock of the Week: 1-5

Trifecta: 0-6

The Money Game: $-2,790

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