11/21/24
December 28, 2006
The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week Seventeen: NFL picks that think you should rent "An Inconvenient Truth," Al Gore's film on global warming.
Welcome to Week Seventeen of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where the Christmas rush is finally over. If one more person had cut us off in a mall parking lot, we were going to drag him in a restroom and ho-ho-hold his head underwater in the toilet.
We apologize for the break last week, but we were swamped in the store selling jerseys and autographs. Of course, when no one was looking,
The Hoser went 10-6 against the spread and 11-5 straight up, continuing a run of four straight weeks above .500 ATS (picks posted at fromhoosiertohoser.blogspot.com, if you doubt us). We also nailed both the Lock and the Trifecta, but don’t worry – we’re not packing up the family wagon and moving to Vegas yet (no matter how much the neighbours would appreciate it).
Remember -- these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as going from Jessica Simpson to Carrie Underwood in your dating life.
New York Giants @ WASHINGTON (+2.5): We’re pulling for the Giants to win and give retiring running back Tiki Barber one more shot in the playoffs. We’re also rooting for the Giants to lose, in the hopes Barber might strangle head coach Tom Coughlin right there on the field after the game. Giants 24, Redskins 20.
Buffalo @ BALTIMORE (-9): We swear this is true. The other day on the Buffalo local news, they led with a story about the blizzard – in Denver. The anchor basically said, “Look, someone else got it besides us!” How bad does your city have to suck when you gloat about not getting snowed in? Ravens 31, Bills 17.
Green Bay @ CHICAGO (-3): Windy City revellers are a bit upset the NFL moved the game back to the late evening, but the league had no choice – otherwise, Tank Johnson might have been on the streets at midnight. Bears 16, Packers 14.
Pittsburgh @ CINCINNATI (-6): Given the terrible year the Steelers have had, we doubt Bon Jovi will be showing up for any parties in the offseason. Hell, even Donnie Iris would steer clear of these bozos. Bengals 29, Steelers 20.
Detroit @ DALLAS (-12.5): With the Lions struggling to a 2-13 record, a reporter recently asked GM Matt Millen about the upcoming draft. “Oh, I think I’m too old to fight,” he replied. Cowboys 24, Lions 16.
Cleveland @ HOUSTON (-4): Geez, the Texans win one lousy game and now they’re favourites to beat … oh, it’s the Browns. Houston 24, Cleveland 17.
Miami @ INDIANAPOLIS (-9): Is it just us, or has that whole “This has to be the year the Colts win the Super Bowl” talk died down dramatically? Colts 26, Dolphins 13.
Jacksonville @ KANSAS CITY (-2.5): I’d write something here, but I’m so absolutely devastated by the failure of the “Cheerleader Tryouts – Episode 4” on the Chiefs’ home page, I can’t function. Chiefs 27, Jaguars 23.
St. Louis @ MINNESOTA (+2): Even if the Rams don’t make the playoffs, St. Louis fans are excited for next year knowing they have a head coach who understands that giving the ball to his stud RB generally equals a win. Up yours, Mike Martz! Rams 20, Vikings 16.
Carolina @ NEW ORLEANS (+3): With the Saints’ place secure in the playoffs, starters such as Drew Brees and Reggie Bush will probably stay out of sight. Too bad we can’t say the same for Tom Benson. Panthers 22, Saints 21.
Oakland @ N.Y. JETS (-12.5): If the Raiders lose this game, it could give them the No. 1 overall pick in next year’s draft. Fortunately for them, unless Jim Plunkett and Marcus Allen show up, I think they’re in. Jets 23, Raiders 10.
Atlanta @ PHILADELPHIA (-7.5): This game features a mobile QB with a strong arm and the will to lead his team to the postseason. Oh, and Michael Vick’s playing, too. Eagles 24. Falcons 20.
Seattle @ TAMPA BAY (-3.5): This pick is less about the Bucs and more about the Seahawks leaving every warm body possible on the bus to play PSP. Buccaneers 20, Seahawks 19.
New England @ TENNESSEE (-3): The great thing about this game is that the Patriots may actually have to prove they do have a back-up quarterback. Titans 26, Patriots 20.
San Francisco @ DENVER (-10.5): Speaking of talk dying down dramatically, remember when Mike Shanahan used to be a genius? Broncos 30, 49ers 21.
Arizona @ SAN DIEGO (-13.5): Okay, so here’s how we see this one playing out – Chargers run wild, then everyone sits down, and the Cardinals climb back to within shouting distance. This could go double if Baltimore loses to Buffalo in the early game. Chargers 26, Cardinals 20.
Lock of the Week: Arizona
Trifecta: Arizona, Kansas City, Cincinnati
Week Sixteen:
10-6 ATS
11-5 SU
1-0 LOTW
1-0 Trifecta
+$1,440
Overall:
117-119-3 ATS
135-86 SU
6-10 Lock
2-14 Trifecta
-$3,830
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