October 13, 2006

The Hoser's NFL Picks, Week Six: NFL Picks that think Brad's really going back to Jen ... no, really!

Welcome to Week Six of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where the Lock of the Week gods were finally smiling on us.

The Hoser has a pretty good track record for the season overall, going 39-34-1 ATS and 58-16 straight up. However, the Lock of the Week is the money shot for handicappers, and I have come up as limp as Clay Aiken in a Hooters. 2-3 is just not going to cut it, so we need to reel off a few in a row.

We use Danny Sheridan's USA Today odds as the spread, mainly because putting his name in these tipsheets makes us rocket up the Google search lists. Oh, and on that note -- Brad Angelina Britney Dubya White & Nerdy.

Remember -- these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as having Tara Reid’s plastic surgeon handle your nose job.

Cincinnati @ TAMPA BAY (+5.5): Interesting political note -- because of his experience handling criminals, Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis is considered a strong write-in candidate for Sheriff of Hamilton County, Ohio. Cincy 29, Buccaneers 21.

Tennessee @ WASHINGTON (-10): The Titans have committed to their youth movement. Vince Young is in at quarterback, LenDale White is getting touches at running back -- and head coach Jeff Fisher has already paid for five women to carry the surrogate babies of Dan Dierdorf. Redskins 30, Titans 16.

Houston @ DALLAS (-13): It's the Battle for Texas -- but Baylor University would have a better chance of beating the Cowboys. Dallas 34, Texans 20.

Buffalo @ DETROIT (PK): It's bad when having had an assistant coach arrested while driving drunk and naked is one of the least embarrassing events of your season. Bills 23, Lions 21.

Seattle @ ST. LOUIS (+3.5): The Rams have a half-game lead over the Seahawks in the NFC West, which is about the same as giving Dom DeLuise a head start in a footrace with The Flash. Seahawks 29, Rams 22.

New York Giants @ ATLANTA (-3): Whether the Falcons win or lose this week, there’s good news for after the game – Old Country Buffet has agreed to allow the whole team to use Morten Andersen’s discount card. Falcons 19, Giants 17.

Philadelphia @ NEW ORLEANS (+3): There's nothing funny about this game, so just picture famous New Orleans chef Paul Prudhomme – in a thong. Eagles 29, Saints 24.

Carolina @ BALTIMORE (-3): That wasn’t heavy rain last week in Denver. It was all the slobber from the MNF broadcast booth for Steve McNair, proud owner of a 67.0 passer rating this season. Panthers 14, Ravens 13.

Miami @ NEW YORK JETS (-2.5): The Jets are hinting running back Curtis Martin could return from the physically unable to perform list by next week. Doctors say he has only one good knee and might need a cane, but that he’ll be at least 50% more effective than the current New York backs. Jets 22, Dolphins 16.

San Diego @ SAN FRANCISCO (+10): In the “Battle of the Sans,” it’s the 49ers who are sans any pass defense. Chargers 30, 49ers 19.

Kansas City @ PITTSBURGH (-7): Pittsburgh hockey fans are wondering about the intentions of new Penguins owner Jim Balsillie, but a new poll says the majority are fine with the team moving out of town – as long as they take the Pirates with them. Chiefs 23, Steelers 22.

Oakland @ DENVER (-15): Having Aaron Brooks and/or Andrew Walter run an offense stocked with Randy Moss, Jerry Porter and Lamont Jordan is like having a Space Shuttle mission piloted by Ted Striker. Broncos 29, Raiders 16.

Chicago @ ARIZONA (-10): The Cardinals accepted $154.5M to name its new facility “University of Phoenix Stadium”. Owner Bill Bidwell has already budgeted most of the money, including 50% of it to the newly minted “Jesus Christ, Can We Stop Drafting Such Stiffs” department. Bears 27, Cards 10.

Week Five:

8-6 ATS

12-2 SU

1-0 Lock

0-1 Trifecta

+$460

Overall:

39-34-1 ATS

58-16 SU

2-3 Lock

1-4 Trifecta

-$610

posted by wfrazerjr to commentary at 02:41 PM - 0 comments