October 24, 2003

NFL Week 8 Picks: NFL picks that are rooting for the Marlins. Up yours, George.

To quote cuddly little Stewie from "Family Guy" — "Victory is mine!" I'll take a 10-win week any day, even if it is my first of the year. I think I was channeling Miss Cleo from a federal penitentiary somewhere. Saints QB Aaron Brooks was honored as the NFC Offensive Player of the Week after shredding the Atlanta defense. I liken this to being named Boxer of the Year after beating crap out of Stephen Hawking. And the Cowboys racking up 38 points? They haven’t blown away a line like that since Hollywood Henderson sneezed. As always, these picks are not meant for gambling purposes. They are meant, however, to upset Billsaysthis. Detroit @ CHICAGO (-3): I remember earlier when we were all excited about the Lions and their chances at redemption. That was, what, 1963? Bears 20, Lions 16. Seattle @ CINCINNATI (+1.5): Wow, a whole point and a half for a 5-1 team over a 2-4 team? Pinch me. Corey Dillon did have a point in mouthing off this week, however. A guy hasn't been this underappreciated in Cincy since Les Nessman. I swear, as God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly. Seahawks 29, Bengals 20. NY Giants @ MINNESOTA (-5.5): Last week's Randy Moss-to-Mo Williams touchdown was stunning, and also means Moss now has more completions than Kerry Collins. Vikings 31, Giants 20. Cleveland @ NEW ENGLAND (-5.5): Did someone spike my Code Red with Robotussin? When the hell did the Patriots get to 5-2? Meanwhile, Kelly Holcomb will most likely be the starting QB for the Browns, which is about as surprising as, oh, Tim Couch sucking. Patriots 24, Browns 23. Carolina @ NEW ORLEANS (-2): I'm not sure what's more disturbing about this match-up — the fact that the Saints are favored or that a sports anchor said this week that Panthers QB Jake Delhomme was his "Dela-homie." Can I sue ESPN for the bill to get the vomit out of my carpet? Panthers 23, Saints 20. St. Louis @ PITTSBURGH (-1.5): Don't buy into the hype. The Rams are short running backs, true … but Bulger, Holt, Bruce and the air corps are just fine. Even at Heinz Field, the Steelers will be playing ketchup ball all day. Ha! Rams 30, Steelers 21. Dallas @ TAMPA BAY (-6.5): To paraphrase a popular 90s R&B hit, "TUNA TUNA TUNA has done it again!" Dallas 23, Tampa Bay 21. Tennessee @ JACKSONVILLE (+3.5): Errr, when did the Jags' home-field advantage get this strong? Do the Titans have to play with their pants around their ankles or something? Titans 33, Jaguars 17. Denver @ BALTIMORE (+1.5): Which was more crooked before surgery — Steve Beuerlein's pinkie or Paula Jones's nose? The Broncos will be forced to start Danny Kanell, and they signed released QB Jarious Jackson as the No. 2. Makes you wonder what Tito is up to, doesn't it? Broncos 20, Ravens 16. San Francisco @ ARIZONA (-6.5): Rhetorical question — If TO scores a touchdown in Sun Devil Stadium and no one is there to see it, does it count? 49ers 31, Cards 21. Houston @ INDIANAPOLIS (-13): Plenty of rest, plenty of anger … oh, and Houston stinks. Colts 31, Texans 14. New York Jets @ PHILADELPHIA (-3): I think the whole Rush Limbaugh thing has affected Eagles QB Donovan McNabb. Look, when Jimmy Walker ain't on your side … Jets 22, Eagles 19. Buffalo @ KANSAS CITY (-6.5): The Chiefs are still undefeated, which frightens me a bit. How long before Dick Vermeil starts crying after every play? Chiefs 26, Bills 20. Miami @ SAN DIEGO (-3): Former Chargers linebacker Junior Seau said jokingly this week the only way to stop San Diego RB LaDanian Tomlinson was to feed him fried chicken and watermelon. Seau was immediately offered a job by Rush Limbaugh's EIB Network. Dolphins 22, Chargers 17. Lock of the Week: Tennessee Triple Play: Tennessee, St. Louis, Seattle Last week ATS: 10-4 Last week Straight Up: 10-4 Season ATS: 57-42-3 Season Straight Up: 67-35 Lock of the Week: 4-3 Triple Play: 0-7

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