October 17, 2003

NFL Week 7 Picks: NFL picks that would have pulled Pedro earlier.

Well, there's nothing like a rousing 7-7 week to get your juices fired up! Welcome to the NFL picks of Millard Fillmore, George Castanza and Ratt. Not too good, not too bad. Hey, things could be worse, though. I could be Grady Little. Anyhow, it's time we all came clean and accepted Bill Parcells as our personal savior. I mean, if the man can lead a Cowboys team graced with The Unknown Backfield to this kind of start, what can he do for YOUR personal life? As for my Lock of the Week, I suggest you bet heavily against two of the three teams I pick for the Triple Play. THAT'S a guaranteed winner. As always, the picks are not meant for gambling purposes. My therapist says they help me deal with my Arizona Cardinals separation anxiety. New Orleans @ ATLANTA (+1.5): Saying the Saints got healthy by beating the Bears is like saying you're going to get laid Friday night because your grandmother kissed you at church. But the Falcons have created their own QB controversy by naming rookie Kurt Kittner the starter over Doug Johnson. I know what all of you are thinking — who? Saints 29, Falcons 19. Washington @ BUFFALO (-3): Unless it snows enough to allow the Bills to sneak, say, six more people out on each offensive play, forget it. BurntSiennaNativeAmericans 24, Bills 14. Baltimore @ CINCINNATI (+2): I really like what Marvin Lewis has done so far this year. I don't like the fact that Corey Dillon is questionable at best. I really hate Ray Lewis, but I can't factor that in here. Ravens 20, Bengals 10. Cleveland @ SAN DIEGO (+5.5): Call this my Quasimodo pick — I'm playing a hunch. Eric Parker will play, and I think Tim Couch is due for a down week. Plus … Martyball ain't goin' out like that! Chargers 24, Browns 23. Dallas @ DETROIT (+3): The Lions called George Plimpton to ask if he could fake playing wide receiver better than their starters and found out he died last month. They still signed him. Cowboys 23, Lions 10. Green Bay @ ST. LOUIS (-4): I keep hearing about Brett Favre's poor record in a dome and how it will cost the Packers the game. Gee, and I thought it would be that their defense sucks. Rams 31, Packers 24. New England @ MIAMI (-5.5): I don't understand the size of this line. The Pats are 4-2 and … oh, wait. There are more guys on New England's injury list than there are standing South Siders standing outside Steve Bartman's house with baseball bats. Dolphins 22, Patriots 20. Denver @ MINNESOTA (-3.5): On one side, Daunte Culpepper. On the other, Steve Beuerlein. YOU MAKE THE CALL! Vikings 27, Broncos 20. Philadelphia @ NEW YORK GIANTS (-2.5): Remember when you were looking forward to this game? I'm just going to watch to count gravy stains on Andy Reid's shirt. Eagles 20, Giants 17. Tennessee @ CAROLINA (-1.5): C'mon, ride McNair (whoot!)! And ride it! (whoot whoot !) Titans 29, Panthers 17. New York Jets @ HOUSTON (+3): So much for momentum in Houston, but Herm Edwards got his boys fired up after the bye week. This is where the J-E-T-S start to take off. Jets 31, Texans 20. Tampa Bay @ SAN FRANCISCO (+3.5): Forget the game line. The real betting is on Warren Sapp's mouth vs. Terrell Owen's mouth. I'll take T.O. -3. Bucs 34, 49ers 21. Chicago @ SEATTLE (-11): After the week of the spankings, you'd think I had learned my lesson. But I happen to like Chris Chandler, even if his head is more vulnerable than Dom Zimmer in a mosh pit. Seahawks 27, Bears 17. Kansas City @ OAKLAND (+3.5): The Raiders getting a field goal at home? On Monday Night? Al Davis must be spinning in his grave. (Yes, I know he's not technically dead, but have you seem him lately?!?) Chiefs 24, Raiders 20. Lock of the Week: New Orleans Triple Play: New Orleans, Washington, Tennessee Last week ATS: 7-7 Last week Straight Up: 11-3 Season ATS: 47-38-3 Season Straight Up: 57-31 Lock of the Week: 3-3 Triple Play: 0-6

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