September 03, 2002

Imminent demise: verses describing the precise way that you can be slain by a pitch

The curveball breaks your heart by making a razor thin incision diagonally across it from top to bottom.

The fastball breaks your heart by blowing a huge goddamned hole right through the middle of it like you got shot at close range with a shotgun.

The change-up breaks your heart by making you have a stroke standing there unexpected, unanticipated, BOO!

The forkball breaks your heart by making you look like such an asshole trying to hit it that you go home and kill yourself by dropping a toaster into the bathtub with you in it.

The knuckleball doesn’t break your heart because nobody throws a deadly knuckleball.

And your odds from dying from any other pitch are pretty slim.

No its these four fuckers you got to watch out for.

posted by vito90 to commentary at 06:45 PM - 0 comments