12/23/24
July 13, 2006
Man says he's tired of being mistaken for MJ. : A Portland, Ore. man has filed a lawsuit for $832 million, saying he is tired of being mistaken for Michael Jordan, according to KGW-TV.
posted by jagveer to basketball at 03:53 PM - 39 comments
Nuisance suits like this should be a criminal offence. I hope Nike/Jordan counter-sues and this guy (and his lawyer) get taken to the cleaners. The strategy is to hope for a "stop bothering us" settlement for 0.1% of the original amount. That would still be $832,000.
posted by grum@work at 04:00 PM on July 13, 2006
i did a search and didn't find this story in another thread. i can't believe nobody thought this was ridiculous enough to post. it wouldn't be a problem if our courts adopted a "loser pays" system.
posted by jagveer at 04:04 PM on July 13, 2006
"Even when I go to the gym I'm being accused of playing ball like him (Jordan)," Heckard said. i doubt it. i agree with grum, it's people like this that have turned lawsuits into the punchline of a joke.
posted by ksb122 at 04:06 PM on July 13, 2006
I think he has a better case against God. But Nike and Jordan both have more money.
posted by BullpenPro at 04:15 PM on July 13, 2006
If he wins, I wonder if I can make some cash by suing Andrew "Weekend at Bernie's" Mcarthy. I've been mistaken for him. Or at least I was before I got fat.
posted by Joey Michaels at 04:17 PM on July 13, 2006
i can't believe nobody thought this was ridiculous enough to post. That would be because the site has been down since before the story broke.
posted by lilnemo at 04:18 PM on July 13, 2006
Jordan and Nike can have this lawsuit easily dismissed and do have the option of seeking legal fees for a frivolous lawsuit. I doubt this guy is really expecting any money at all -- more likely he just likes publicity.
posted by bperk at 04:37 PM on July 13, 2006
What an asshole. I was chomping at the bit to get this posted earlier in the week, but, well, you know.
posted by The_Black_Hand at 04:41 PM on July 13, 2006
"HEY, EVERYBODY ... LOOK AT ME ... I LOOK LIKE MICHAEL JORDAN!!! IF I HAD MORE MONEY I COULD EVEN DRESS MORE LIKE HIM TOO! HEY, EVERYBODY ... LOOK AT ME ... AND SHOW ME THE MONEY!" - Allen Heckard {i hope this doesn't get me sued for impersonating allen heckard?}
posted by Spitztengle at 04:43 PM on July 13, 2006
Wow- this guy could just grow his hair out, and not have the problem. And additionally, how is it Jordans fault for looking like that guy?
posted by redsoxrgay at 04:43 PM on July 13, 2006
Could this guy possibly be any dumber. My question is, WHAT DUMBASS LAWYER WOULD AGREE TO SUCH A FRAUDULENT CASE?? He needs to play MJ in one on one and the winner takes the money!! Then nobody would ever mistake "his game" for Jordan's.
posted by DallasFan at 04:52 PM on July 13, 2006
I'm sure when Michael was born, his mother said "I want him to look just like Allen Heckard so that Allen's life is miserable. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHA" Or something along those lines......
posted by sublime4390116 at 04:54 PM on July 13, 2006
1. The dude looks nothing like Michael other than he is bald. 2. He's an idiot. 3. He's still an idiot.
posted by bobrolloff at 04:55 PM on July 13, 2006
I was chomping at the bit For shame, TBH, I expect better: "champing at the bit". Some fine commentary here.
posted by yerfatma at 05:01 PM on July 13, 2006
I hope Nike/Jordan counter-sues and this guy (and his lawyer) get taken to the cleaners. My question is, WHAT DUMBASS LAWYER WOULD AGREE TO SUCH A FRAUDULENT CASE?? According to this article, he filed the case himself. Which makes sense, because a lawyer would almost certainly be sanctioned for this.
posted by holden at 05:10 PM on July 13, 2006
I don't doubt that the guy is sincere about his uncomfortableness in being mistaken for Michael Jordan. To this day I still have people telling me to "ruuuunnnnnn Forrest!" or asking where Jenny is. Invariably, the person asking the question is with someone who says that I should sue Tom Hanks and the movie studio for a piece of the action, then someone asks if I'm tired of the jokes and then everyone but me laughs. It gets old. I never took those lawsuit ideas seriously but for some reason Heckard has. Why, I don't know. And I don't know why he would ask for such a large amount other than that since he looks like Jordan, he might as well live large like him. I feel bad for Heckard. Seems to me that he's not all there. And I've read reports that in 1988 he was convicted of felony possession of a controlled substance. I'm not one to make assumptions, but in this case, I think it's not hard to figure out what he may have been smoking.
posted by forrestv at 05:18 PM on July 13, 2006
Are you serious, this guy is suing because he looks like MJ and hates the comparisons? MJ should be suing him for being an idoiot and tarnishing his looks.
posted by teamsilva4 at 05:39 PM on July 13, 2006
Is that some new legal formula, multiply the age times 7? What a joke, he doesn't even look like him if I squint. Sheesh! And play b-ball like Mike, sure right, and I drive like Danica Patrick.
posted by steelergirl at 06:31 PM on July 13, 2006
I think this is my favorite part: ____________________________ What made Heckard decide to file suit against Jordan and Knight for $416 million each? "Well, you figure with my age and you multiply that times seven and then I turn around and I figure that's what it all boils down to." ____________________________ What language is this? It sure doesn't answer the question. Does he turn around 3 or 4 times? All 'what' boils down to?
posted by myshtigo at 06:33 PM on July 13, 2006
This suit shouldn't have gotten any coverage whatsoever except in the context of illustratiing the definition of "frivolous lawsuit." To treat this like a news story and thus refusing to opine on a jackass using the media as a free publicity machine is dereliction of duty by KGW, Fox Sports, and all others involved, IMHO. jagveer: it wouldn't be a problem if our courts adopted a "loser pays" system. If we had a "loser pays" system, this guy would have to pay twice: Once the suit is thrown out, and another time for being a loser.
posted by L.N. Smithee at 06:58 PM on July 13, 2006
The best parts of this article: "Even when I go to the gym I'm being accused of playing ball like him (Jordan)," HA HA HA,,, LMAO What made Heckard decide to file suit against Jordan and Knight for $416 million each? "Well, you figure with my age and you multiply that times seven and then I turn around and I figure that's what it all boils down to." Uhhhhh ... WHAT!? How did he find such a stupid way to figure out how much he should be suing for?
posted by STUNNER at 07:02 PM on July 13, 2006
How did he find such a stupid way to figure out how much he should be suing for? grum@work's comment: The strategy is to hope for a "stop bothering us" settlement for 0.1% of the original amount. I think grum nailed that one squarely on the head. He's hoping the case never sees the inside of a courtroom. But if this guy gets any money at all, I'm gonna file suit against Tom Green.
posted by MrFrisby at 07:23 PM on July 13, 2006
Even though this case is arguably the stupidest case in history, many lawyers would love to take this case. Look at all of the publicity they're getting. If they lose, they can argue that the case was stacked against them. But if they win, millions of people will recognize the law firm, and they'll get more publicity than most law firms get in their entire existence.
posted by redsoxrgay at 07:25 PM on July 13, 2006
i was thinking about suing Gilbert Gottfried for punitive damages. Every day for the last 10 years of my life, I have been mistaken for the Don Juan of the comedy.
posted by dmontez1392 at 07:40 PM on July 13, 2006
"Even when I go to the gym I'm being accused of playing ball like him (Jordan)," Probably his game is more like that of this Michael Jordan: 
posted by L.N. Smithee at 07:48 PM on July 13, 2006
He could do porn with this hook. The estate of Rodney Dangerfield better watch it's ass. I'm paying close attention to this case.
posted by WeedyMcSmokey at 07:49 PM on July 13, 2006
I can think of far worse people to look like and be mistaken for. Charlie Manson, Tiny Tim, Frankenstein and so many others. I agree with what was said earlier in this post. This guy should be charged for such a stupid and moronic lawsuit. Fact is, in some way, everyone has a resemblence to somebody else. He should have gone along with it. I hope he loses everything and Michael calls him up to laugh in his ear.
posted by melcarek69 at 07:55 PM on July 13, 2006
Are you kidding me? I didnt know whether to laugh my ass off or be completely dumbfounded. Will someone please help me with this one?
posted by skins fan at 09:16 PM on July 13, 2006
Knock Knock... Whos there?... an idiot. Now give me my 15 minutes of shame...
posted by Peruvianforce at 10:21 PM on July 13, 2006
Maybe Michael Jordan should sue this guy for pretending to look like him.
posted by tim at 11:50 PM on July 13, 2006
"Even when I go to the gym I'm being accused of playing ball like him (Jordan)," In other words, he travels. A lot. Probably pushes off, too.
posted by The_Black_Hand at 07:29 AM on July 14, 2006
Ok. Now this has to be THE most ridiculous lawsuit in the world. This 'idiot of the day' has the nerve to even try to justify his "lawsuit" by saying that not only does he resemble the greatest basketball player of all time but that his game is similar to His Airness, your kidding me, right? Allen Heckard needs this lawsuit to buy himself some self-respect since he actually feels that because he some-what resembles MJ he deserves $832 Million dollars. This lawsuit should not only be throw out, he should be throw in jail for wasting the courts time with this nonsense!
posted by BornIcon at 12:20 PM on July 14, 2006
what a fucking idiot
posted by SDM at 01:30 PM on July 14, 2006
C'mon people, cut the guy some slack. He's obviously senile. After all, his age times 7 is 832 million!!! Even if it's 832 M minutes, he's almost 1600 years old!
posted by ctal1999 at 01:59 PM on July 14, 2006
dcortez1392: i was thinking about suing Gilbert Gottfried for punitive damages. Every day for the last 10 years of my life, I have been mistaken for the Don Juan of the comedy. Gilbert Gottfried is NOT the Don Juan of comedy. That title would have to go to Bobcat Goldthwait (almost as obnoxious, but not quite) because he actually was co-habiting with this woman for years.
posted by L.N. Smithee at 06:26 PM on July 14, 2006
He's "accused" of playing ball like MJ? Is that a criminal offense now? Or is there just a social stigma associated with it? Do kids on the blacktop at school yell, "Ha ha! You drive the lane like Michael Jordan! What a loser!"?
posted by cybermac at 11:07 PM on July 14, 2006
I think this guy has a case... How dare Michael Jordan be famous and look like this guy? If Jordan had any class at all he would have disguised himself thirty years ago and never tried out to play basketball. My heart goes out to Allan Heckard and his family for all the suffering he endured. Jordan should be forced to forfeit all of his money to him.
posted by tim at 10:16 AM on August 03, 2006
Yeah right... The guy is a lowlife and should not even have a right to file this case. Complete piece of trash is this Heckard.
posted by tim at 10:17 AM on August 03, 2006
Lol...that's funny...course not for the ppl being sued or the guy who hates the "comparisons" but still its just strange...if I looked like someone famous (and still not obnoxious) then I'd be like...cool